Descending Surfacing by Catherine Chisnall

Oh no, that must be them. I walked towards my destiny, feeling strangely numb.
    But there was no one at my car. I breathed out a little, ran to it and jumped in, locking the doors. Please start; please don’t let them have sabotaged you , I begged the car.
    It did start and I drove off as quickly as I could. I passed groups of college boys, but tried not to look at them, even though I was creeping past at a low speed out of the residential area. Thank God, I made it. I thought I heard jeers but was so used to it that I ignored them.
    It was only when I got safely home and out of my car that I saw it. The graffiti saying ‘SLAG’ on the nearside doors. It would never come off. Purple spray spoiling my beautiful silver paintwork.
    I ran into the building, raced to my flat as quickly as I could and cried my eyes out. What a complete mess. What had I thought would happen? Jamie and I would live happily ever after? No, not that. I had just wanted excitement, and got more than I bargained for. What would I do now? Would I see him again? Not be close to him, but just see him and talk about it? Was the meeting with Leanne the last time I’d see him?
    After I’d stopped crying, I phoned Tess.
    ‘ It’s all over with Jamie,’ I said shakily. ‘Now I need to get graffiti off my car.’
    ‘ I’m coming over right now,’ she said.
    ‘ No, I-‘ but she’d put the phone down.
    When she came over, she hugged me.
    ‘ What happened?’
    I told her the whole sordid tale and she looked so regretful. She didn’t say ‘I told you so’.
    ‘ I’ve brought this.’ She produced some T-cut. ‘It might help.’
    We spent over an hour T-cutting the paintwork and it looked a little better afterwards. Not much though.
    ‘ I’ll have to put up with it ‘til I can get it re-sprayed. Or get a new car.’
    ‘ Are you going to report it? Vandalism’s a crime you know.’
    I sighed deeply. ‘Where would that get me? I am a slag, it's true.’
    ‘ You are not a slag! He did it too. It's the double standard again; the woman gets blamed and the man gets praised. It makes me sick.’
    ‘ But I did put myself in that position, so to speak.’
    ‘ Hm. Well, it still isn't fair. Getting out of that college is the best thing you can do.’
    I told her about the call centre job waiting for me and she shrugged.
    ‘ Good luck with that. It's not my cup of tea but it must be better than working with those little oiks.’
     

Tuesday 6th February
     
    I went back to college with the proverbial heavy heart. I saw people sneering at my car but didn’t care. I had spent hours packing Jamie’s few belongings - mostly clothes he had sneaked back to his house to get while his father was out, and a few car magazines. The flat felt dull and empty without him. I hadn’t realised how much he’d insinuated himself into my life.
    H is stuff was in carrier bags and I toiled up the stairs to the learning support room with them.
    ‘ Hey, Leanne,’ I said as indifferently as I could. ‘Here’s Jamie Norton’s stuff.’
    She gave me a strange look, but I was used to that by now. I suppose I hadn’t made much effort to get to know her but she was my team leader and should have made more effort to get to know me.
    ‘ Thanks. Will you be alright in carpentry? I hear group F were very rude to you yesterday.’
    ‘ I’m used to it . Anyway-‘ I’d been about to tell her I had something on Shane and Kyle but thought better of it. ‘I’m only here for a few more days.’
    ‘ Don’t forget to see Sonia at ten.’
    I went to carpentry and was met by Vernon, who stared at me as if I was an alien. He really couldn’t think of anything to say so just nodded. It was almost funny. I bet he wondered why on earth a boy like Jamie fancied an ugly old woman like me instead of a blonde bimbo. I’d seen Vernon’s wife, and most of the other men’s wives and they were all bottle blondes. Like most of the other women at college: painted faces and click clack