life.
I s this real? This is my daughter? I squeeze the penguin in my hand I bought for her as she and her mom make their way onto the side walk. Lauren’s eyes are watery, and she’s smiling widely her, lips pressed tightly together.
“Hi,” she says, her voice a little shaky and high pitched. She sounds as nervous as I feel, but she looks amazing. Her hair is pulled back in a low ponytail, but her skin is vibrant, her eyes no longer puffy. The sunlight is bouncing off her eyes, causing them to sparkle.
“Hey,” I respond, my own voice a little shaky. Lauren lets go of Caylen’s hand, and she makes her way over to me. My daughter looks at me with the same magnetic pull her mom has. She’s smiles and I’m in love.
She reaches up for the penguin I’m holding, and I realize that it’s the toy she’s mesmerized by and not me. I’m a little jealous.
“Umm, my friend’s daughter loves the penguins in the Madagascar movie. I thought she’d like it.” I glance up at Lauren.
“She watches that movie all the time,” she replies.
“ I’m glad I made a good choice,” I squat down so I’m near Caylens eye level. “I thought you might like this.” I say holding the stuffed animal out to her.
“Pepe!” she says excitedly, taking the penguin from my hand and stuffing it in her mouth.
She looks so much like my baby pictures. This little person is mine, right here in front of me. The feeling of having someone that shares my genes, connected by blood. I’ve never shared that with anyone before.
“I’m Chris, Caylen,” I say with a smile, blinking away the hot water in my eyes... and Caylen’s smile makes more tears come. I quickly wipe them away. Lauren walks closer me. She gently touches my shoulder, and Caylen grabs my face, giggling. I laugh.
“Caylen. This is your daddy.” Lauren’s words come out of nowhere. I’ve never been so grateful to hear anything in my life.
“Thank you, Lauren.” I hope that she can see that I truly mean it. I’m grateful that she brought this little girl into my life. That she’s kept her safe and done it on her own without any of my help. For the first time I hope that the vision I had last night wasn’t just a dream, those words he said to her was genuine. I hope that Cal and Lauren were in love. I hope more than anything Caylen was made out of love. For a second there’s an intense pressure in my head but in an instance it’s gone. I shake the feeling away and look up at Lauren, whose eyes are wide and her body completely still.
“Lauren,” I say, my voice slightly raised. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. After a second she snaps out of it. She lets out a breath and moves toward me. She brings her hand to my cheek. It’s soft and warm and strangely calming, but the gleam in those big brown eyes makes me nervous.
“Is everything okay?” I ask her, and she nods, taking her hand back. I want to tell her that everything is going to be okay. I’ll the best father I can for our daughter. The hurt that’s hiding behind her eyes I can’t erase, but I will do everything in my power to make sure I never hurt her like that. I can’t be who she wants me to be, but I’ll be the best man that I can. That, I know how to be…
Chapter 8
It takes less than two minutes before my mom bursts out of the house and onto the porch. She hugs me, then Lauren, and snatches up Caylen in her arms. She ushers us into the house. Then my phone rings.
It’s Dexter. I feel my blood pressure start to rise just seeing his name. I’ve called him a thousand times and now he decides to call back. I quickly excuse
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