will always be taken care of. I never wanted things to happen this way. I thought now that we’ve gotten our second chance, that was it.
I will always love you. Your family is there now because I want you to know that you are never alone. Please don’t push them away. They need you just as much as you need them. My ma is taking this rough, Lil’s. Please be there for each other.
Don’t try to come see me. I’ve made sure that they won’t let you in as a visitor right now. I can’t see you right now. I don’t want you to see me like this. I love you. Please don’t ever, ever doubt that. I may not be the smartest, richest man. But for a while I was the happiest. You were the reason.
I’m going to close my eyes tonight and imagine I’m holding your little hand through these bars. But it will be good, because I’ll know I kept my promise.
Your Husband, Jay
******
The crumpled note is practically melting away in my palm, the pressure of my closing fist condensing and minimizing it to nothing more than a scrap. Bright white light floods my vision as anger seethes through me, blinding me.
How dare he! How dare he promise to love and cherish me, not even twenty four hours ago, and then... bam! make a unilateral decision like this changing both of our lives? This couldn’t have been some spur of the moment decision, either.
This note, those people out there, the legal and financial preparations that Jay says were made... those things don’t just happen over night. The bastard planned this. He planned to give me my wedding day yesterday, make things official, and then hurry off to play martyr. How dare he!
I think it’s been proven time and time again that my temper gets me into some pretty tight shit. If I really wanted to analyze the situation, I could trace every fucked-up part of this ordeal back to some random, stupid, knee-jerk decision by me. I took a psychology class sophomore year and learned that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviors again and again, while expecting different outcomes, or some shit like that.
Jay, my husband, no doubt trusts that’s exactly what will happen. That’s why the reinforcements were brought in. The group of people sitting at my kitchen table right now were probably well-instructed on how to keep me contained so I can’t fuck even this situation up.
Things will never change. I can grow older, get married, have a baby... they will always see me as some kid who lashes out, does something stupid, and they need to run in and save the day. To say that I’ve been underestimated would be sugar coating it. I’ve been around this family, this club, way too long to just sit back and let others pull the strings.
I inhale a long, slow, deep breath and count to ten. I think I learned that in my psychology class, too. I methodically smooth out the tattered paper over my thigh and carefully fold it so that it is no longer a ball of trash.
Who can I call right now? No doubt Sunny would help if I asked her to, but that would cause a shitstorm of problems for her and Tiny. I’m not too sure about Charlie... she and Clink are... well, I actually don’t even know what she and Clink are... but, he’s almost as much of a neanderthal as Jay is sometimes. I don’t want to go stirring up a hornet’s nest for her.
Jess. A waive of relief washes over me as I remember that Jess is still in town. She spent the night over at Charlie’s to give Jay and me our space for our wedding night.
I glance at the bedside clock. Shit! She might be heading home at this very moment. I lunge for my cell phone, and furiously text, not risking a phone call that could betray me and seep out to be heard by my guests.
ME: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE
STILL AROUND?
I close my eyes tight. The white backdrop returns, this time from the growing pressure as I squeeze my lids against each other. Please still be here. Please still be here. Please still be here. A soft vibrate rattles in my
I will always love you. Your family is there now because I want you to know that you are never alone. Please don’t push them away. They need you just as much as you need them. My ma is taking this rough, Lil’s. Please be there for each other.
Don’t try to come see me. I’ve made sure that they won’t let you in as a visitor right now. I can’t see you right now. I don’t want you to see me like this. I love you. Please don’t ever, ever doubt that. I may not be the smartest, richest man. But for a while I was the happiest. You were the reason.
I’m going to close my eyes tonight and imagine I’m holding your little hand through these bars. But it will be good, because I’ll know I kept my promise.
Your Husband, Jay
******
The crumpled note is practically melting away in my palm, the pressure of my closing fist condensing and minimizing it to nothing more than a scrap. Bright white light floods my vision as anger seethes through me, blinding me.
How dare he! How dare he promise to love and cherish me, not even twenty four hours ago, and then... bam! make a unilateral decision like this changing both of our lives? This couldn’t have been some spur of the moment decision, either.
This note, those people out there, the legal and financial preparations that Jay says were made... those things don’t just happen over night. The bastard planned this. He planned to give me my wedding day yesterday, make things official, and then hurry off to play martyr. How dare he!
I think it’s been proven time and time again that my temper gets me into some pretty tight shit. If I really wanted to analyze the situation, I could trace every fucked-up part of this ordeal back to some random, stupid, knee-jerk decision by me. I took a psychology class sophomore year and learned that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviors again and again, while expecting different outcomes, or some shit like that.
Jay, my husband, no doubt trusts that’s exactly what will happen. That’s why the reinforcements were brought in. The group of people sitting at my kitchen table right now were probably well-instructed on how to keep me contained so I can’t fuck even this situation up.
Things will never change. I can grow older, get married, have a baby... they will always see me as some kid who lashes out, does something stupid, and they need to run in and save the day. To say that I’ve been underestimated would be sugar coating it. I’ve been around this family, this club, way too long to just sit back and let others pull the strings.
I inhale a long, slow, deep breath and count to ten. I think I learned that in my psychology class, too. I methodically smooth out the tattered paper over my thigh and carefully fold it so that it is no longer a ball of trash.
Who can I call right now? No doubt Sunny would help if I asked her to, but that would cause a shitstorm of problems for her and Tiny. I’m not too sure about Charlie... she and Clink are... well, I actually don’t even know what she and Clink are... but, he’s almost as much of a neanderthal as Jay is sometimes. I don’t want to go stirring up a hornet’s nest for her.
Jess. A waive of relief washes over me as I remember that Jess is still in town. She spent the night over at Charlie’s to give Jay and me our space for our wedding night.
I glance at the bedside clock. Shit! She might be heading home at this very moment. I lunge for my cell phone, and furiously text, not risking a phone call that could betray me and seep out to be heard by my guests.
ME: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE
STILL AROUND?
I close my eyes tight. The white backdrop returns, this time from the growing pressure as I squeeze my lids against each other. Please still be here. Please still be here. Please still be here. A soft vibrate rattles in my
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