A Lil' Less Hopeless

A Lil' Less Hopeless by Tara Oakes

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Authors: Tara Oakes
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planning the wedding night, and he certainly did not disappoint. It’ll probably take me days to recover.
    I roll over and stare at the empty bed beside me. The clock is blinking its obnoxious red numbers... I can’t believe I slept so late! I tilt my neck, raising my nostrils up searching for any signs of brewing coffee. None. I know Jay doesn’t make coffee as well as I do, but he could have at least attempted it. Ugh. Men.
    I laugh again as I swing my legs over the side of the bed thinking of a thread I came across a while ago on some website. #Husband problems.
    Cinching the flimsy belt around my waist, I saunter through the house looking for my husband. I reach the kitchen with no success. Crap. I’ll make the damn coffee myself. I prepare the filter and scoop the appropriate amount of ground coffee beans into the reservoir, flipping the switch as I leave the machine to do its work. Sliding into the breakfast nook, I will myself to waken fully.
    A small folded piece of paper sits perched against the flower vase in the middle of the table. I see faint letters sprawled across the top fold and reach for it. It has my name written on it, so I open it.
     
    Lil’s-
     
    When you wake up, call my ma.
    She has something for you.
     
    Jay
     
    What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Do not tell me that he’s doing club business today. We agreed not to take a honeymoon for about a month, so we could really plan something nice... considering how quickly we put the wedding together, we didn’t want to just throw a honeymoon together, too.
    But, we had agreed that we would spend the few days after the wedding together before going back to the “real world.” I angrily pick up the house phone and punch in the numbers to Jean’s cell. She answers before the first ring is even completed.
    “Lil’s?” Jean speaks. She sounds just as tired, if not more, than me. “I’ll be right over.”
    I can’t even manage to get a word in edgewise, before she ends the call. I stare at the phone in my hand. I have a feeling I’m about to get pretty pissed off. I storm off toward the bathroom, disrobing along the way. I wonder what it is this time, a protection run, handling some other brother’s shit, running to daddy when he calls.
    The hot water makes my already flushed skin burn. I know how club business works. It’s not your average 9-5, but we seriously need to talk through this kind of stuff. It’s not going to fly when the baby gets here. I shower and perform my everyday basic beauty routine in record time. Throwing on some skinny jeans that, thank God, still fit, and a flowy top. I head back to the kitchen where my coffee is waiting.
    The front door sounds as it opens and closes while I’m pouring myself a cup. I call out to Jean. “I just made some coffee, ma, you want a cup?” I turn to greet her, but instead of one person, as I am expecting... I see several.
    “Ok... I’ll make some more coffee...” I curiously eye the group now making its way deep into my kitchen. Butch and Tiny flow in followed by Vince and Jean.
    “No... don’t go to any trouble, sweetheart,” Jean suggests.
    I push my mug aside, spilling out some of the chestnut liquid. “What the hell is going on here?”
    Nervous looks are exchanged, but no one will look directly at me.
    “Jay gave me something to give you, Lil’s.” Jean withdraws a sealed envelope from her purse and hands it over to me, reluctantly. “He asked that we all be here when you read it.”
    I rip the envelope from her, a touch more aggressively than I planned.
    “You might want to go read that in private, sweetheart.” Butch adds.
    I turn to him, “You know what this is all about, too?” He looks away. “Fine, I’ll go read this damn note and then I’ll deal with all of you after I finish with Jay.
    I stalk off into my bedroom and slam the door behind me. Once safe inside I stare at the generic looking paper in my hands. I notice it starts to tremble as my hands

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