together an awesome date night. At least not with Hillary, bless her heart.
No, Clinton took virtually no time away from Washington, let alone whisking his bride to a Broadway show and dinner in New York like Obama did. Just because.
When he needed to go to Paris for some summit thing or the other, do you think Obama told Michelle to watch the kids and he’d bring her back one of those Eiffel Towers with the thermometer inside it?
Hell, no! He took her along and even carved out a date night of foie gras and pheasant de truffled snootypants right beneath that famous thermometer tower.
See, Chinese suitors? This is how it’s done. Your dates will have to have some serious “Wow!” factor. Otherwise, and I really can’t state this strongly enough, you’re going to be in charge of the prune juice acquisition for a long time to come, just saying.
To be honest, the Obamas’ European adventure made me a little pouty because, like a lot of American women, the closest I’ve come to an exotic European vacation is ordering the “Tour of Italy” trio of I-talian favorites at the Olive Garden recently.
And since you ask, yes, it was pretty damn tasty.
Chinese men, listen the hell up! I know what I’m talking about when I tell you that Obama is The Man when it comes to planning date nights.
Even on a night when he was going to an NBA playoff game with the boys, he made sure to have an early date with his wife, at Citronelle, an uber-ritzy restaurant in Georgetown.
Do not follow the example of poor duh-hubby when it comes to a date night. When I complained that he never took me anywhere unless I suggested it first, Duh ran out of the room and returned a few minutes later holding aloft a raggedy coupon he’d found in the newspaper for two-for-one dinners at Ruby Tuesday.
Anticipating that I would squeal with glee at this, Duh held up his hand as if to stop the celebrating that hadn’t actually happened in the first place.
“You can’t use it for the premium steaks and you have to eat the broccoli instead of the salad bar,” he said.
“But broccoli gives me gas,” I said, regretting it instantly. If I want to be treated like Michelle Obama and taken to tony restaurants all over the world, I can’t go around talking like that. “I mean, er, flatulence.”
Of course, Chinese men, your girlfriend can make pooty noises with her armpits in front of your whole family and y’all can’t complain because, as the social scientists have said, there just won’t be enough women to go around. You’ll
just have to suck it up if she’s weird, demanding, and wants to bring her fire-breathing dragon of a mama to live with y’all.
Don’t even think about complaining when they both ask you to cut their toenails. It’s the least you can do.
Don’t be cheap about the wedding either. Here in the American South, we all know that only heathens and Yankees get married at hotels. Just remember that when it comes time to pick the spot. Don’t complain about how much it’s going to cost because Hop Sing is right around the corner waiting to pounce.
A final bit of politico-inspired advice: In general, when it comes to women, if South Carolina governor Mark Sanford did it, you don’t. This is an excellent guideline, regardless of country of origin.
While Sanford was highly hateable for his insistence on asking his wife’s blessing for his affair with the Argentinean hoochie-mama, it wasn’t until I read Jenny Sanford’s tell-most book that I realized what a turd he really was. Is. Turns out he once asked his wife to give back the diamond necklace he’d given her for Christmas because he decided it was too expensive and he wanted to take it back and get the money.
Be generous, Chinese grooms-to-be. Before your lotus flower can even mention something she’d like, anticipate it and present it to her.
The world is her oyster now, big boy. Don’t blow it unless you and your brothers want to be sitting at your mama’s
No, Clinton took virtually no time away from Washington, let alone whisking his bride to a Broadway show and dinner in New York like Obama did. Just because.
When he needed to go to Paris for some summit thing or the other, do you think Obama told Michelle to watch the kids and he’d bring her back one of those Eiffel Towers with the thermometer inside it?
Hell, no! He took her along and even carved out a date night of foie gras and pheasant de truffled snootypants right beneath that famous thermometer tower.
See, Chinese suitors? This is how it’s done. Your dates will have to have some serious “Wow!” factor. Otherwise, and I really can’t state this strongly enough, you’re going to be in charge of the prune juice acquisition for a long time to come, just saying.
To be honest, the Obamas’ European adventure made me a little pouty because, like a lot of American women, the closest I’ve come to an exotic European vacation is ordering the “Tour of Italy” trio of I-talian favorites at the Olive Garden recently.
And since you ask, yes, it was pretty damn tasty.
Chinese men, listen the hell up! I know what I’m talking about when I tell you that Obama is The Man when it comes to planning date nights.
Even on a night when he was going to an NBA playoff game with the boys, he made sure to have an early date with his wife, at Citronelle, an uber-ritzy restaurant in Georgetown.
Do not follow the example of poor duh-hubby when it comes to a date night. When I complained that he never took me anywhere unless I suggested it first, Duh ran out of the room and returned a few minutes later holding aloft a raggedy coupon he’d found in the newspaper for two-for-one dinners at Ruby Tuesday.
Anticipating that I would squeal with glee at this, Duh held up his hand as if to stop the celebrating that hadn’t actually happened in the first place.
“You can’t use it for the premium steaks and you have to eat the broccoli instead of the salad bar,” he said.
“But broccoli gives me gas,” I said, regretting it instantly. If I want to be treated like Michelle Obama and taken to tony restaurants all over the world, I can’t go around talking like that. “I mean, er, flatulence.”
Of course, Chinese men, your girlfriend can make pooty noises with her armpits in front of your whole family and y’all can’t complain because, as the social scientists have said, there just won’t be enough women to go around. You’ll
just have to suck it up if she’s weird, demanding, and wants to bring her fire-breathing dragon of a mama to live with y’all.
Don’t even think about complaining when they both ask you to cut their toenails. It’s the least you can do.
Don’t be cheap about the wedding either. Here in the American South, we all know that only heathens and Yankees get married at hotels. Just remember that when it comes time to pick the spot. Don’t complain about how much it’s going to cost because Hop Sing is right around the corner waiting to pounce.
A final bit of politico-inspired advice: In general, when it comes to women, if South Carolina governor Mark Sanford did it, you don’t. This is an excellent guideline, regardless of country of origin.
While Sanford was highly hateable for his insistence on asking his wife’s blessing for his affair with the Argentinean hoochie-mama, it wasn’t until I read Jenny Sanford’s tell-most book that I realized what a turd he really was. Is. Turns out he once asked his wife to give back the diamond necklace he’d given her for Christmas because he decided it was too expensive and he wanted to take it back and get the money.
Be generous, Chinese grooms-to-be. Before your lotus flower can even mention something she’d like, anticipate it and present it to her.
The world is her oyster now, big boy. Don’t blow it unless you and your brothers want to be sitting at your mama’s
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