Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage by Lynn Donovan, Dineen Miller
Authors: Lynn Donovan, Dineen Miller
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and Abednego) in Daniel 3. These three men were willing to perish in the fires of persecution in order to stand firm in their faith in God. They told Nebuchadnezzar that their God would save them, and that even if He didn’t, they would die before worshiping a false god. They persevered, and God rewarded them for their faithfulness. They didn’t die, their untouched clothing didn’t even smell like smoke, and they experienced the presence of God in a most tangible and visible form (see Dan.3:25). They walked out of the fiery furnace a true testimony to their God and their faith—a rich blessing indeed.
Sometimes our mismatched marriages (and our trials) can feel like that fiery furnace. But like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, we’re not alone. God is in the middle of it with us. The choice is ours whether we come out stronger in our faith and present a powerful witness to those watching, like Nebuchadnezzar (our husbands), or if we come out smelling like smoke (bitter and resentful). 2
The key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed. We can learn from our struggles and grow in faith. God wants to show us the beauty present in our situation and to teach us not to be afraid to get our hands dirty in order to sift for the jewels awaiting discovery. He nudges us to climb the treacherous mountain so we can see the sun peeking over a horizon filled with promise. He wants us to know that we will find His presence even in the darkest of places.
This is where we experience joy in the midst of trial. We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is. And that’s when we discover our greatest blessing—God Himself. He is our portion and our great reward. You can’t find better treasure than that.
Discovery
One of the most difficult truths to accept in our faith is that God allows trials in our lives for our good and for the good of others. Ask God to prepare and open your heart to work through the next set of questions, so you can find peace and understanding.
1. Reflect on how you entered your marriage. Do you still have regrets or carry guilt for marrying your spouse? If so, seek God’s forgiveness or His peace, and allow Him to bring healing to your heart and to your marriage.
2. Do you view your marriage as a covenant blessed by God? Pray and ask God to show you how He has blessed your marriage, and then make a list of those blessings and review it frequently.
3. Is there any area of your marriage in which you feel you aren’t being obedient to God? If so, what steps do you need to take to change this? Be specific.
4. Do you believe the promise of Romans 8:28? If so, can you see some of God’s purpose in your situation? If not, what keeps you from believing God is working for your good as well as the good of your husband?
5. In what ways do you feel you are the aroma of Christ for your spouse?
6. What struggles are you facing right now? What do you think God is trying to teach you?
Prayer
Precious Lord, You are my great Redeemer. Please forgive my unbelief and help me to truly believe my marriage is blessed. Help me to release the burdens of the past into Your hands and find freedom in Your merciful love
.
Lord, teach me the kind of obedience You are calling me to in my marriage. Help me to be the aroma of Christ to my spouse. Be my strength in the midst of whatever life brings. In the holy and blessed name of Christ, amen
.
Notes
1 . Beth Moore,
Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman
, video series (Nashville, TN: LifeWay Press, 2008).
2 . Beth Moore,
Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy—Member Book
(Nashville, TN: LifeWay Press, 2006), p. 47.
KEY #6
Trade Perfection for
Authenticity
(Dineen)
He [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
Sometimes our mismatched marriages (and our trials) can feel like that fiery furnace. But like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, we’re not alone. God is in the middle of it with us. The choice is ours whether we come out stronger in our faith and present a powerful witness to those watching, like Nebuchadnezzar (our husbands), or if we come out smelling like smoke (bitter and resentful). 2
The key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed. We can learn from our struggles and grow in faith. God wants to show us the beauty present in our situation and to teach us not to be afraid to get our hands dirty in order to sift for the jewels awaiting discovery. He nudges us to climb the treacherous mountain so we can see the sun peeking over a horizon filled with promise. He wants us to know that we will find His presence even in the darkest of places.
This is where we experience joy in the midst of trial. We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is. And that’s when we discover our greatest blessing—God Himself. He is our portion and our great reward. You can’t find better treasure than that.
Discovery
One of the most difficult truths to accept in our faith is that God allows trials in our lives for our good and for the good of others. Ask God to prepare and open your heart to work through the next set of questions, so you can find peace and understanding.
1. Reflect on how you entered your marriage. Do you still have regrets or carry guilt for marrying your spouse? If so, seek God’s forgiveness or His peace, and allow Him to bring healing to your heart and to your marriage.
2. Do you view your marriage as a covenant blessed by God? Pray and ask God to show you how He has blessed your marriage, and then make a list of those blessings and review it frequently.
3. Is there any area of your marriage in which you feel you aren’t being obedient to God? If so, what steps do you need to take to change this? Be specific.
4. Do you believe the promise of Romans 8:28? If so, can you see some of God’s purpose in your situation? If not, what keeps you from believing God is working for your good as well as the good of your husband?
5. In what ways do you feel you are the aroma of Christ for your spouse?
6. What struggles are you facing right now? What do you think God is trying to teach you?
Prayer
Precious Lord, You are my great Redeemer. Please forgive my unbelief and help me to truly believe my marriage is blessed. Help me to release the burdens of the past into Your hands and find freedom in Your merciful love
.
Lord, teach me the kind of obedience You are calling me to in my marriage. Help me to be the aroma of Christ to my spouse. Be my strength in the midst of whatever life brings. In the holy and blessed name of Christ, amen
.
Notes
1 . Beth Moore,
Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman
, video series (Nashville, TN: LifeWay Press, 2008).
2 . Beth Moore,
Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy—Member Book
(Nashville, TN: LifeWay Press, 2006), p. 47.
KEY #6
Trade Perfection for
Authenticity
(Dineen)
He [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
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