What the Lightning Sees: Part Three by Louise Bay

easier this way.”
    “Shouldn’t you at least drunk dial him and shout abuse at him?”
    “I don’t want him to think I care. Because I don’t.”
    “Then why are you downing tequila shots like Mel Gibson?”
    “Shut up and drink with me.”
     

     
    I’d expected my hangover to be worse, considering. I could tell by the ache in my lower back that I hadn’t even made it to my bed. I pried an eye open and realized I was on the sofa, Ash collapsed below me on cushions, with one hand still on an almost empty tequila bottle.
    I made it to the kitchen and poured myself some water into the biggest glass I could find, then changed into my flying pig pajamas and got into bed. It was ten in the morning, but I had no intention of getting out of bed anytime soon. It was a day to wallow. The pajamas said it all. They were all about Jake. The first time he’d seen me with my hair down, I had been wearing them. The first time he’d made me come, he’d peeled them from my legs. I closed my eyes to stop the tears. I couldn’t give in. I needed to blank it all out. I missed him so much, more than I thought possible. I’d known I was upset, but seeing him had made me realize how much I felt his loss in every particle of my body.
    I hadn’t expected ever to run into him again. Maybe if I had been prepared it would have been easier. But it had been much worse than I’d ever imagined. The pain hadn’t dimmed; it still felt as if my heart were being dipped in alcohol. It burned. It was physical. It was visceral.
    I heard banging about in the living room, the clink of glasses and then Ash appeared in my bedroom door with a glass of water in her hand. I pulled back the duvet and she climbed in next to me. We lay on our backs, staring at the ceiling.
    “How are you feeling?” she asked.
    “Remarkably okay given my tequila consumption. You?”
    “I meant about Jake.”
    I wasn’t sure if my outside had reacted as violently as my inside at the mention of his name. It felt as if my heart and my stomach swapped positions and my skin started to twitch. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to talk about it. Can we discuss your lack of love life?”
    Ash groaned. “Haven, concentrating on my misery won’t heal your own.”
    “I think you should Internet date or something,” I said, ignoring her.
    “Well, actually, I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot.”
    Ash always fobbed me off when I tried to get her to discuss her dating life, so the fact she was engaging with me was new.
    “Go on,” I said, desperate for a distraction.
    “You know that guy at work I told you about?”
    “The one that works in the other hospital?” She’d told me several months ago that she’d been flirting with a hot doctor from another hospital, but I hadn’t heard about him since.
    “Yeah, well, he’s at my hospital now, like every day. And he’s funny. He seems like a good guy.”
    I turned on my side to face Ash and propped my head up on my hand. “Sounds good.”
    “Well he asked me out. Several times actually. I told him I’d think about it.”
    “Oh my God, Ash, how have you not told me about this? What is there to think about?” I was genuinely excited for her and I welcomed the sense of positivity that dripped into my brain, pushing away thoughts of Jake.
    “I think I like him. And I think I need to move on.”
    “You know that there’s nothing in the world that I want more than you and Luke to be together, but I don’t think it’s healthy to put your life on hold for someone who’s not available.”
    “I know,” she said quietly. “And I know I joke about it, but I think that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve felt the way I have about your brother since I was in the womb, so I’ve given myself an excuse not to look anywhere else for love.”
    “Oh, Ash. I’m sorry.”
    “It’s fine. At least I realize it now. I don’t want you to do the same thing with Jake. You still love him. I know you do. It’s