complicated. I felt guilty for leaving you and, at the same time, guilty because I couldn't really let you go."
He lifted one hand and cupped her cheek gently. He could feel his heart thudding in sudden hope, feel the satiny softness of her skin beneath his touch as his thumb brushed her cheekbone slowly. "You said you buried me," he reminded her.
Her eyes skittered away, then returned to his face. "That wasn't exactly true. I thought it was. The—the last time I went to see you, I even said good-bye to you, out loud. I knew I wasn't coming back. And I was very calm then. I must have driven about a hundred miles before I had to stop the car because I couldn't see the road."
Mitch started to draw her toward him, his hand slipping to the nape of her neck, but stopped when she shook her head slightly in a tiny protest. Her eyes were still fixed on his face. In the same soft, hesitant voice, she went on.
"I thought it was over. Then, a few months later, I met Brad. You asked if I loved him. That was one of the reasons I felt guilty, because I couldn't. I could never say it to him, even later when I'd say anything else he wanted to hear. I'd told him about you, and once—once when he was angry he said that there was a ghost in his bed. That I couldn't love him the way I should have . because of you. And I realized I hadn't said goodbye to you at all, I'd just walked away."
He drew a short breath, then said, "Why did you lie to me?"
Kelly's shoulders lifted slightly and then relaxed. "What else could I have said? Mitch, I knew the girl you had loved was gone. And I'd learned that I couldn't take being possessed. Everything had changed."
"And now?" he asked quietly.
She gave that confused little shrug again. "Now? I don't know. It seemed so simple yesterday. You needed an ending and I did too. I thought we only had to spend a little time together to find that ending. But you'd changed in ways I hadn't expected. You aren't the man I remember, the man I couldn't let go of, and yet I feel a—a connection to you."
"I know."
"How can you?"
"Because I feel it too." Holding her diffident gaze with his own, he said slowly, "And it's more than it ever was ten years ago, Kelly. It's strong, and painful, and complicated, and it scares the hell out of me."
"It does?"
He sighed roughly. "Of course it does. We're both totally different people, almost strangers, but not quite. Ten years ago you were Kelly. Just Kelly. God forgive me, I didn't think about you. I felt about you, but I didn't think. And when I looked at you, I saw copper hair and violet eyes and a smile. Nice and simple."
"But now it isn't."
Mitch laughed, a low sound. "No. No, now it isn't. I think about you all the time. Copper hair and violet eyes. But now the eyes are shadowed and the hair's more golden than I remember. I see strength and hurt and intelligence. I see a woman instead of a girl. But not a stranger. My mind tellsme it'll take years to know you the way I need to, but my heart knows you now. And the one thing I'm certain of most of all is that I can't hold on to you. As badly as I want to, I know I'll lose you for good if I do."
Kelly looked at him, so close, so different from the man he had been. She had stopped deceiving herself into believing that she wanted an ending between them, but she was afraid of being that vulnerable again. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Mitch would never hurt her physically, but there were so many other ways of being hurt, intentionally or not. And no guarantees. He might not be able to conquer his own possessive nature; she might well discover that her own ability to love completely had been destroyed by Brad's cruelty; they could find there was just too much between them, too many memories, too many changes.
She started to move from his lap, but his arms tightened gently around her.
"Kelly, I know you're scared. I know neither of us is the person we were ten years ago. But the changes have made us both
He lifted one hand and cupped her cheek gently. He could feel his heart thudding in sudden hope, feel the satiny softness of her skin beneath his touch as his thumb brushed her cheekbone slowly. "You said you buried me," he reminded her.
Her eyes skittered away, then returned to his face. "That wasn't exactly true. I thought it was. The—the last time I went to see you, I even said good-bye to you, out loud. I knew I wasn't coming back. And I was very calm then. I must have driven about a hundred miles before I had to stop the car because I couldn't see the road."
Mitch started to draw her toward him, his hand slipping to the nape of her neck, but stopped when she shook her head slightly in a tiny protest. Her eyes were still fixed on his face. In the same soft, hesitant voice, she went on.
"I thought it was over. Then, a few months later, I met Brad. You asked if I loved him. That was one of the reasons I felt guilty, because I couldn't. I could never say it to him, even later when I'd say anything else he wanted to hear. I'd told him about you, and once—once when he was angry he said that there was a ghost in his bed. That I couldn't love him the way I should have . because of you. And I realized I hadn't said goodbye to you at all, I'd just walked away."
He drew a short breath, then said, "Why did you lie to me?"
Kelly's shoulders lifted slightly and then relaxed. "What else could I have said? Mitch, I knew the girl you had loved was gone. And I'd learned that I couldn't take being possessed. Everything had changed."
"And now?" he asked quietly.
She gave that confused little shrug again. "Now? I don't know. It seemed so simple yesterday. You needed an ending and I did too. I thought we only had to spend a little time together to find that ending. But you'd changed in ways I hadn't expected. You aren't the man I remember, the man I couldn't let go of, and yet I feel a—a connection to you."
"I know."
"How can you?"
"Because I feel it too." Holding her diffident gaze with his own, he said slowly, "And it's more than it ever was ten years ago, Kelly. It's strong, and painful, and complicated, and it scares the hell out of me."
"It does?"
He sighed roughly. "Of course it does. We're both totally different people, almost strangers, but not quite. Ten years ago you were Kelly. Just Kelly. God forgive me, I didn't think about you. I felt about you, but I didn't think. And when I looked at you, I saw copper hair and violet eyes and a smile. Nice and simple."
"But now it isn't."
Mitch laughed, a low sound. "No. No, now it isn't. I think about you all the time. Copper hair and violet eyes. But now the eyes are shadowed and the hair's more golden than I remember. I see strength and hurt and intelligence. I see a woman instead of a girl. But not a stranger. My mind tellsme it'll take years to know you the way I need to, but my heart knows you now. And the one thing I'm certain of most of all is that I can't hold on to you. As badly as I want to, I know I'll lose you for good if I do."
Kelly looked at him, so close, so different from the man he had been. She had stopped deceiving herself into believing that she wanted an ending between them, but she was afraid of being that vulnerable again. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Mitch would never hurt her physically, but there were so many other ways of being hurt, intentionally or not. And no guarantees. He might not be able to conquer his own possessive nature; she might well discover that her own ability to love completely had been destroyed by Brad's cruelty; they could find there was just too much between them, too many memories, too many changes.
She started to move from his lap, but his arms tightened gently around her.
"Kelly, I know you're scared. I know neither of us is the person we were ten years ago. But the changes have made us both
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