The Erection Set by Mickey Spillane

He gripped my hand and shook it with a grin and a wink toward Mona. “Good to see you again, Dog. It’s been awhile.”
    â€œSame here, Walt.”
    â€œMona got her hooks into you already?”
    She gave his arm a pinch and faked a pout. “You could have prepared me for this beast, Walter. He’s a refreshing change from the usual group.”
    â€œThat’s because I’m a commoner,” I said.
    â€œYou back to stay?” Walt asked me.
    â€œCould be.”
    â€œThings get a little dull on the Continent?”
    I shrugged, trying to remember the last twenty-some years. “What’s excitement one time gets to be pretty routine the next. Maybe I’m like the salmon coming back to spawn where it was born.”
    â€œAnd die,” Mona added. “They always die after they spawn. Is that why you came back, Dog?”
    â€œDying isn’t my bag, lady. At least not yet.”
    â€œAh, an item. You’ve come home to spawn. And who will be your spawnee?”
    Walt laughed and patted her shoulder. “Mona, my girl, must you always look at the sexual side of things?”
    â€œIt’s the interesting-item side, dear boy. My readers eat it up. We have an extremely provocative and eligible bachelor in our midst, so naturally I’m curious.” She looked at me, still smiling. “You haven’t answered my question, Mr. Kelly.”
    â€œI haven’t given it any thought, either.”
    â€œNo lonely heart waiting for your return?”
    â€œCan’t remember any. Most people were glad to see me go.”
    Walt waved a miniskirted waitress over with the drink tray, and when we picked up our glasses said, “Don’t let all that Barrin Industries background fool you, Mona. Dog here was born a hundred years too late. There aren’t many places for a real live charger anymore. He was glad to be booted out.”
    â€œAnd who is getting the boot?” a quiet voice asked.
    We all turned and nodded at the weathered face of the heavy-set man behind us. “Mona, Walt ...” he said.
    â€œDick Lagen, Dog Kelly. I don’t think you’ve met.”
    I held out my hand and he took it politely for a second. “I’m a regular reader of yours, Mr. Lagen.”
    â€œAh, at last someone interested in news with an international flavor.”
    â€œThat’s more than he said of my literary gems,” Mona told him.
    Lagen smiled and ran a forefinger across his hairline moustache. “Mona, dear, we are hardly competitors. It is he with a bent for finance that is interested in the news I report. Is that not true, Mr. Kelly?”
    There was an odd note to his tone and his eyes were watching me carefully. “Pursuit of the buck is a necessary evil. I’m always glad to break even,” I said.
    â€œI understand you’ve come back to claim an inheritance.”
    I let out a laugh. “Ten big G’s. How did you know about that?”
    Dick Lagen tasted his drink, made a satisfied pat at his mouth and said, “My earliest researches were made during the height of the Barrin regime. You’d be surprised how much I know about your family fortunes.”
    â€œWell, as long as I get my ten grand, I’m happy. I never was much of a family man.”
    â€œSo I understand. However, ten thousand dollars isn’t much of a nest egg these days. Plan to invest it?”
    â€œHell, no,” I told him. “I plan to blow it. Money is no good unless you convert it into something useful or pleasurable, anyway.”
    â€œThat’s a rich man’s attitude, Mr. Kelly.” That odd note was back in his voice again.
    â€œYou’d be surprised how rich a guy with ten grand can be.” I grinned at him and he smiled back.
    â€œBy the way, Mr. Kelly. Your name is Dogeron ... D-O-G-E-R-O-N,” he spelled it, “isn’t it?”
    â€œYeah,