take me toa doctor, I said what he told me to, that I'd fallendownstairs. The doctor knew, but Brad paid hima lot of money and I realized he wouldn't report it."
God, how badly she must have been hurt forthat son of a bitch to take her to a doctor! Mitchwas holding himself still with iron will, but hecould feel his own muscles jerking in a blind response to his pain and fury.
"The doctor kept his records, though. I bought them from him later. That was what I used to make Brad give me a divorce, the medical records. I hired a lawyer, and he threatened to make it all public. Brad couldn't stand that."
Mitch swallowed his own rage. "What finally made you leave him?" he asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"I didn't realize what was happening to me for a long time," she murmured. "But then, one day, he came home and just started in on me for no reason at all. And I found myself. . . cowering . . . against the wall, in a corner. Like a terrified animal."
She turned her head and looked at him for the first time, her beautiful, wounded eyes stark with the memory of that moment. "An animal. That's what he'd turned me into. And I knew that being alone was better than being that."
Five
Swearing so softly that his voice was barely audible, Mitch gathered her stiff body into his arms and held her on his lap. She didn't resist, but she didn't respond at all to his gentleness. When he drew her head down to his shoulder, she allowed it to remain there, but her fingers were linked together tensely on her thighs.
He could feel her shivering, like something drawn too tight and about to snap. He wrapped both arms around her, unconsciously rocking a little, resting his cheek against her soft hair. When he could finally stop the silent oaths rising up from deep inside him where rage coiled tightly, he murmured in a husky voice, "It wasn't your fault," because he felt that she thought it somehow was her fault. "You didn't do anything— not anything —to deserve that, sweetheart."
"Yes, I did." Her voice was very quiet. "I left you."
It jolted him, even more because of his own unreasonable feelings of bitterness and betrayal.
For the first time, he felt those corrosive emotions releasing their hold on him; after what Kelly had suffered, both jealousy and bitterness seemed petty indeed.
"Listen to me." His voice was as quiet as hers had been. "You can't go on feeling guilty about that. We can't have it between us. Kelly, I've seen my medical records and I know what the doctors told you. When I woke up, almost the first words out of a doctor's mouth were that nobody had expected me to recover. You had every reason to believe them, and no reason at all to go on waiting for me."
"But here you are," she murmured. "I should have known you'd make it, no matter what anyone said. I should have loved you enough to believe that."
His arms tightened around her. "None of us can see the future, and fate tricks all of us. It wasn't a question of loving enough, that wouldn't have changed anything. You didn't leave me; I left you. God knows it wasn't my choice, but it happened. And you lost everyone else as well. Kelly, I wish we could both go back and start over, but we can't. You said it yourself; we have to go forward. You have to accept the fact that you have nothing to feel guilty about. And the fact that you could never have done anything bad enough to deserve what that bastard did to you."
The stiffness, was seeping out of her slender body slowly, and her voice was less deadened when she spoke. "My head knows that, but the feelings . . . I've asked myself a thousand times how I could have stayed with him. I was afraid of being alone but, even deeper than that, I think some part of me really did feel that I deserved to be hurt."
"You didn't. You don't."
She stirred on his lap, and he loosened his hold enough for her to sit up. She looked at him steadily, something hesitant in her eyes, then said, "The guilt was . . .
God, how badly she must have been hurt forthat son of a bitch to take her to a doctor! Mitchwas holding himself still with iron will, but hecould feel his own muscles jerking in a blind response to his pain and fury.
"The doctor kept his records, though. I bought them from him later. That was what I used to make Brad give me a divorce, the medical records. I hired a lawyer, and he threatened to make it all public. Brad couldn't stand that."
Mitch swallowed his own rage. "What finally made you leave him?" he asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"I didn't realize what was happening to me for a long time," she murmured. "But then, one day, he came home and just started in on me for no reason at all. And I found myself. . . cowering . . . against the wall, in a corner. Like a terrified animal."
She turned her head and looked at him for the first time, her beautiful, wounded eyes stark with the memory of that moment. "An animal. That's what he'd turned me into. And I knew that being alone was better than being that."
Five
Swearing so softly that his voice was barely audible, Mitch gathered her stiff body into his arms and held her on his lap. She didn't resist, but she didn't respond at all to his gentleness. When he drew her head down to his shoulder, she allowed it to remain there, but her fingers were linked together tensely on her thighs.
He could feel her shivering, like something drawn too tight and about to snap. He wrapped both arms around her, unconsciously rocking a little, resting his cheek against her soft hair. When he could finally stop the silent oaths rising up from deep inside him where rage coiled tightly, he murmured in a husky voice, "It wasn't your fault," because he felt that she thought it somehow was her fault. "You didn't do anything— not anything —to deserve that, sweetheart."
"Yes, I did." Her voice was very quiet. "I left you."
It jolted him, even more because of his own unreasonable feelings of bitterness and betrayal.
For the first time, he felt those corrosive emotions releasing their hold on him; after what Kelly had suffered, both jealousy and bitterness seemed petty indeed.
"Listen to me." His voice was as quiet as hers had been. "You can't go on feeling guilty about that. We can't have it between us. Kelly, I've seen my medical records and I know what the doctors told you. When I woke up, almost the first words out of a doctor's mouth were that nobody had expected me to recover. You had every reason to believe them, and no reason at all to go on waiting for me."
"But here you are," she murmured. "I should have known you'd make it, no matter what anyone said. I should have loved you enough to believe that."
His arms tightened around her. "None of us can see the future, and fate tricks all of us. It wasn't a question of loving enough, that wouldn't have changed anything. You didn't leave me; I left you. God knows it wasn't my choice, but it happened. And you lost everyone else as well. Kelly, I wish we could both go back and start over, but we can't. You said it yourself; we have to go forward. You have to accept the fact that you have nothing to feel guilty about. And the fact that you could never have done anything bad enough to deserve what that bastard did to you."
The stiffness, was seeping out of her slender body slowly, and her voice was less deadened when she spoke. "My head knows that, but the feelings . . . I've asked myself a thousand times how I could have stayed with him. I was afraid of being alone but, even deeper than that, I think some part of me really did feel that I deserved to be hurt."
"You didn't. You don't."
She stirred on his lap, and he loosened his hold enough for her to sit up. She looked at him steadily, something hesitant in her eyes, then said, "The guilt was . . .
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