to be by your side while you started living again.” Mara tapped my chest with her fingertips. “In here… I will be with you. Besides, you can always call me.” Then she laughed, “Plus, you’re only going to be a few hours away. I love the Jersey Shore. I can’t wait to visit.”
Why didn’t I think of that? “You’re right. We won’t be rehearsing all the time. You can come down every weekend. Or, if you prefer, I can come back here on the weekends.” Then I had a sudden thought, one I didn’t really think through thoroughly, but wished for anyway. “Mara, why don’t you come with me now? Stay with me. I have plenty of room?”
“Tagg, I have my job here. Even if I could get coverage for my classes, my clients are counting on me. I can’t just cancel. I would let them down. Besides, what would I tell my mom?”
“Tell her you met the man of your dreams and you’re moving in with him.” I hoped, suddenly remembering she had recently pushed me away, not wanting to be my rebound person.
Mara started laughing. Not the reaction I was hoping for or expected. I thought, at least, she would let me down easily. “You know, Tagg, you always were the man of my dreams… when I was fourteen.” Bang. “Then I met Bradley.” Shot right through the heart.
I tried to keep the energy light, but still, I sighed. “And at that time I was no longer the object of your nightly wishes?”
“No. I guess not.” Mara gazed down at the ground. She seemed to do that whenever she seemed uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. That’s not really what I meant.”
“It’s okay, Mara. I was teasing. I know you love Brad. If he were still alive, I know you wouldn’t even dream of kissing me.”
Mara nodded. Then she sighed. “But… he’s not alive.”
She didn’t embellish, so I couldn’t really gather what she had meant. He’s not alive, so I do dream about you? He’s not alive, but I still dream about him? I figured I wouldn’t press the issue. I didn’t want to cause her stress; she had been so kind to me. “Mara, visit me when you can?” I took on a serious tone, now. “I cherish your friendship, I really do. And as soon as we’re settled with a rehearsal schedule, I’ll let you know so we can work out a schedule of our own. Promise me, Mara. Promise me this isn’t goodbye.”
“I promise you that.” I took her into my arms again and held her head against my chest. I stroked her silky, dark-brown hair with my hand and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at me and kissed my mouth. “I’ll see you soon.” We parted. And, as I was getting into my ‘Vette, I turned to her and blew her a kiss. She caught it.
Chapter Eleven
The long driveway leading to my Somers’ Point house was a haunting sight, as dark and dead as my life was before I’d met Mara. The property, like my heart, had been uncared for, for far too long. But unlike my rising sun in the form of a 5’2” brunette, this house would never be plenished with the warm, incandescent light that she provided. I drove up the jagged path that led to my abandoned home. For the last couple of months I had almost escaped my past. But it all came rushing back. Standing in the center of the deserted land, I felt my culpability thundering inside of me, reminding me that, sometimes, …it is too late to start over.
I was having a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in such a long time that I didn’t even think I had anymore Xanax left to take. For the past couple of years my alcohol abuse had been calming my anxiety. I had only needed my anti-depressant, not the Xanax I used to take with it. But now, my heart was racing, my throat was closing and I was beginning to feel the earth move beneath me. I was alone and I was scared. What was I doing? I was right back where all the pain began. This wasn’t starting over. This was charging
Why didn’t I think of that? “You’re right. We won’t be rehearsing all the time. You can come down every weekend. Or, if you prefer, I can come back here on the weekends.” Then I had a sudden thought, one I didn’t really think through thoroughly, but wished for anyway. “Mara, why don’t you come with me now? Stay with me. I have plenty of room?”
“Tagg, I have my job here. Even if I could get coverage for my classes, my clients are counting on me. I can’t just cancel. I would let them down. Besides, what would I tell my mom?”
“Tell her you met the man of your dreams and you’re moving in with him.” I hoped, suddenly remembering she had recently pushed me away, not wanting to be my rebound person.
Mara started laughing. Not the reaction I was hoping for or expected. I thought, at least, she would let me down easily. “You know, Tagg, you always were the man of my dreams… when I was fourteen.” Bang. “Then I met Bradley.” Shot right through the heart.
I tried to keep the energy light, but still, I sighed. “And at that time I was no longer the object of your nightly wishes?”
“No. I guess not.” Mara gazed down at the ground. She seemed to do that whenever she seemed uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. That’s not really what I meant.”
“It’s okay, Mara. I was teasing. I know you love Brad. If he were still alive, I know you wouldn’t even dream of kissing me.”
Mara nodded. Then she sighed. “But… he’s not alive.”
She didn’t embellish, so I couldn’t really gather what she had meant. He’s not alive, so I do dream about you? He’s not alive, but I still dream about him? I figured I wouldn’t press the issue. I didn’t want to cause her stress; she had been so kind to me. “Mara, visit me when you can?” I took on a serious tone, now. “I cherish your friendship, I really do. And as soon as we’re settled with a rehearsal schedule, I’ll let you know so we can work out a schedule of our own. Promise me, Mara. Promise me this isn’t goodbye.”
“I promise you that.” I took her into my arms again and held her head against my chest. I stroked her silky, dark-brown hair with my hand and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at me and kissed my mouth. “I’ll see you soon.” We parted. And, as I was getting into my ‘Vette, I turned to her and blew her a kiss. She caught it.
Chapter Eleven
The long driveway leading to my Somers’ Point house was a haunting sight, as dark and dead as my life was before I’d met Mara. The property, like my heart, had been uncared for, for far too long. But unlike my rising sun in the form of a 5’2” brunette, this house would never be plenished with the warm, incandescent light that she provided. I drove up the jagged path that led to my abandoned home. For the last couple of months I had almost escaped my past. But it all came rushing back. Standing in the center of the deserted land, I felt my culpability thundering inside of me, reminding me that, sometimes, …it is too late to start over.
I was having a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in such a long time that I didn’t even think I had anymore Xanax left to take. For the past couple of years my alcohol abuse had been calming my anxiety. I had only needed my anti-depressant, not the Xanax I used to take with it. But now, my heart was racing, my throat was closing and I was beginning to feel the earth move beneath me. I was alone and I was scared. What was I doing? I was right back where all the pain began. This wasn’t starting over. This was charging
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