Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Zipper Accidents by Uncle John’s Page B
Authors: Uncle John’s
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ruptured mine shaft.
As the hole grew bigger and bigger, Junius Gaddison, an electrician working in the mines, heard a series of strange noises. He went to investigate and suddenly found himself knee-deep in muddy water. He sounded an alarm, sending the mine’s 50-man crew rushing for the nearest exit route to the surface: a slow-moving elevator that could hold only eight people at a time.
“THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF WATER SURGED INTO THE RUPTURED MINE SHAFT.”
Meanwhile up top, the small hole created by the drill became a mile-wide whirlpool that sucked the drilling platform down into the mine while the intense air pressure in the mine caused a series of 400-foot-tall geysers to burst out of the ground. The awesome sucking power of the whirlpool could not be abated: Over the following hours, it gobbled up a second drilling platform, a loading dock, a parking lot, and over 70 acres of terrain. So much water filled the mine that the Delcambre Canal, which typically empties the lake into the bay, began to flow backward, pulling 11 barges into the spinning vortex.
After three hours, Lake Peigneur had lost all of its 3.5 billion gallons of water. Then saltwater from the canal started flowing into the empty pit where the lake once sat, creating what would temporarily be the tallest waterfall in Louisiana. It reached a height of 164 feet and flowed for a day or two before the canal refilled the lake with water from Vermilion Bay. Eventually, nine of the sunken barges popped back up to the lake’s surface. The tugboat and the drilling platforms are still trapped in the destroyed mine.
Amazingly enough, the accident didn’t cause a single human fatality or even an injury. All 55 miners managed to escape to shore before the whirlpool’s current became too strong. Texaco was later required to pay around $45 million in out-of-court settlements.
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REAL ANSWERS FROM FAMILY FEUD
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H ost: “Tell me a slang word for money.”
Contestant: “Money.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a state that begins with the letter N.”
Contestant: “Mexico.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a candy bar that might describe your mate in bed.”
Contestant: “Butterfinger.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Tell me a food that comes in instant form.”
Contestant: “Asparagus.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Besides a bird, name something in a birdcage.”
Contestant: “Hamster.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a noisy bird.”
Contestant: “Chipmunk.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a way of cooking fish.”
Contestant: “Cod.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a man might have in his pants when he’s going on a hot date.”
Contestant: “A boner.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a burglar would not want to see in your house.”
Contestant: “Naked grandma!”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a blind person might use.”
Contestant: “A sword.”
........................................................................................................
----
FLAMIN’ HOT HEALTH CRISIS AVERTED
----
A s part of the ongoing fight against childhood obesity, many
As the hole grew bigger and bigger, Junius Gaddison, an electrician working in the mines, heard a series of strange noises. He went to investigate and suddenly found himself knee-deep in muddy water. He sounded an alarm, sending the mine’s 50-man crew rushing for the nearest exit route to the surface: a slow-moving elevator that could hold only eight people at a time.
“THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF WATER SURGED INTO THE RUPTURED MINE SHAFT.”
Meanwhile up top, the small hole created by the drill became a mile-wide whirlpool that sucked the drilling platform down into the mine while the intense air pressure in the mine caused a series of 400-foot-tall geysers to burst out of the ground. The awesome sucking power of the whirlpool could not be abated: Over the following hours, it gobbled up a second drilling platform, a loading dock, a parking lot, and over 70 acres of terrain. So much water filled the mine that the Delcambre Canal, which typically empties the lake into the bay, began to flow backward, pulling 11 barges into the spinning vortex.
After three hours, Lake Peigneur had lost all of its 3.5 billion gallons of water. Then saltwater from the canal started flowing into the empty pit where the lake once sat, creating what would temporarily be the tallest waterfall in Louisiana. It reached a height of 164 feet and flowed for a day or two before the canal refilled the lake with water from Vermilion Bay. Eventually, nine of the sunken barges popped back up to the lake’s surface. The tugboat and the drilling platforms are still trapped in the destroyed mine.
Amazingly enough, the accident didn’t cause a single human fatality or even an injury. All 55 miners managed to escape to shore before the whirlpool’s current became too strong. Texaco was later required to pay around $45 million in out-of-court settlements.
----
REAL ANSWERS FROM FAMILY FEUD
----
H ost: “Tell me a slang word for money.”
Contestant: “Money.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a state that begins with the letter N.”
Contestant: “Mexico.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a candy bar that might describe your mate in bed.”
Contestant: “Butterfinger.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Tell me a food that comes in instant form.”
Contestant: “Asparagus.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Besides a bird, name something in a birdcage.”
Contestant: “Hamster.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a noisy bird.”
Contestant: “Chipmunk.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name a way of cooking fish.”
Contestant: “Cod.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a man might have in his pants when he’s going on a hot date.”
Contestant: “A boner.”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a burglar would not want to see in your house.”
Contestant: “Naked grandma!”
........................................................................................................
Host: “Name something a blind person might use.”
Contestant: “A sword.”
........................................................................................................
----
FLAMIN’ HOT HEALTH CRISIS AVERTED
----
A s part of the ongoing fight against childhood obesity, many
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