Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Zipper Accidents by Uncle John’s Page A
Authors: Uncle John’s
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Bonner’s world went up in flames as he screamed and ran wildly around the bar. His friends laughed and called him “Ghost Rider.” Once they realized he was in serious trouble, they called an ambulance.
• When Johnny Knoxville set himself on fire on the MTV show Jackass (he was roasted on a rotisserie spit), he was shown first putting on a flame-retardant suit. A message was displayed onscreen in big letters that informed viewers Knoxville was wearing a flame-retardant suit. He said, “I am wearing a flame-retardant suit. Do not try this at home.” Within days of the episode’s airing, at least two preteen boys did try it at home. Neither wore a flame-retardant suit. Both received severe burns. One of the burned boys evenappeared on Good Morning America just so he could blame Johnny Knoxville for giving him the idea.
• Poor Gary Allen Banning. He made the all-too-common mistake of accidentally taking a swig from a jar of gasoline and then lighting a cigarette. He was 43.
• Christine Mecca, 51, of Ford City, Pennsylvania, accidentally lit herself on fire at a gas station. At the hospital, Mecca first blamed the flames on a lit cigarette, but then confessed to what really happened: She told police she had accidentally set herself on fire while trying to set fire to a letter from her boss informing her that she had been fired.
• A 51-year-old drunk man from Kamloops, British Columbia, passed out in a grassy field one night with a lit cigarette in his mouth. When he awoke, he was on fire. So was the field. He got up and ran away while trying to brush off the flames. Then he got on a bike and tried to ride farther away from the fire. That’s when he got hit by a train. When he awoke on the tracks, he had severe burns and a big gash on his head (from the train). Later, at the hospital, his bad day was made worse when he got arrested for starting the fire. Then he was charged with theft for stealing the bike.
• Thanks to the thousands of surveillance cameras in England, there’s a lot of great footage of Brits embarrassing themselves. One such Brit is Michael Morgan. In 2012 a sidewalk security camera recorded him as he rode his bike up to the entrance of a pub that he’d been ejected from the night before for fighting. Seeking sweet revenge, the 33-year-old (still on his bike) doused the door with gasoline and lit it on fire. Then he rode away, seemingly unaware of the flames leaping up his legs and back. Morgan escaped without serious injury (as did the pub), but he was easily recognized from the security footage and arrested soon after. He was sentenced to two and a half years in prison. The landlord of the adjacent building pointed out that karma goes far beyond a mere prison sentence: “People will always remember Michael Morgan as the clown on the bike who set himself on fire.”
ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN
Sweden’s King Gustavus Adolphus refused to wear armor at the 1632 Battle of Lützen, a decisive battle in the Thirty Years’ War, between the Swedish Protestant Union and the Catholic League. The king claimed that “The Lord God is my armor.” Then he got shot and died.
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DIG IT!
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U ntil the 1980s, Lake Peigneur was a popular fishing spot for sportsmen in Louisiana. The areas around and beneath the lake were also popular, having been mined for salt and tapped by oil companies. At least they were until November 21, 1980, when a petroleum-seeking drill from a Texaco platform plunged through the lake. Unfortunately, a member of the company’s crew made a critical miscalculation. Instead of hitting a deposit filled with Texas Tea, the drill pierced a mine shaft beneath the lake owned by the Diamond Crystal Salt Company.
The crew realized that something was wrong when they tried to free the drill and it wouldn’t budge. The platform began to tilt and a series of loud pops filled the air. They fled to shore as thousands of gallons of water surged into the
• When Johnny Knoxville set himself on fire on the MTV show Jackass (he was roasted on a rotisserie spit), he was shown first putting on a flame-retardant suit. A message was displayed onscreen in big letters that informed viewers Knoxville was wearing a flame-retardant suit. He said, “I am wearing a flame-retardant suit. Do not try this at home.” Within days of the episode’s airing, at least two preteen boys did try it at home. Neither wore a flame-retardant suit. Both received severe burns. One of the burned boys evenappeared on Good Morning America just so he could blame Johnny Knoxville for giving him the idea.
• Poor Gary Allen Banning. He made the all-too-common mistake of accidentally taking a swig from a jar of gasoline and then lighting a cigarette. He was 43.
• Christine Mecca, 51, of Ford City, Pennsylvania, accidentally lit herself on fire at a gas station. At the hospital, Mecca first blamed the flames on a lit cigarette, but then confessed to what really happened: She told police she had accidentally set herself on fire while trying to set fire to a letter from her boss informing her that she had been fired.
• A 51-year-old drunk man from Kamloops, British Columbia, passed out in a grassy field one night with a lit cigarette in his mouth. When he awoke, he was on fire. So was the field. He got up and ran away while trying to brush off the flames. Then he got on a bike and tried to ride farther away from the fire. That’s when he got hit by a train. When he awoke on the tracks, he had severe burns and a big gash on his head (from the train). Later, at the hospital, his bad day was made worse when he got arrested for starting the fire. Then he was charged with theft for stealing the bike.
• Thanks to the thousands of surveillance cameras in England, there’s a lot of great footage of Brits embarrassing themselves. One such Brit is Michael Morgan. In 2012 a sidewalk security camera recorded him as he rode his bike up to the entrance of a pub that he’d been ejected from the night before for fighting. Seeking sweet revenge, the 33-year-old (still on his bike) doused the door with gasoline and lit it on fire. Then he rode away, seemingly unaware of the flames leaping up his legs and back. Morgan escaped without serious injury (as did the pub), but he was easily recognized from the security footage and arrested soon after. He was sentenced to two and a half years in prison. The landlord of the adjacent building pointed out that karma goes far beyond a mere prison sentence: “People will always remember Michael Morgan as the clown on the bike who set himself on fire.”
ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN
Sweden’s King Gustavus Adolphus refused to wear armor at the 1632 Battle of Lützen, a decisive battle in the Thirty Years’ War, between the Swedish Protestant Union and the Catholic League. The king claimed that “The Lord God is my armor.” Then he got shot and died.
----
DIG IT!
----
U ntil the 1980s, Lake Peigneur was a popular fishing spot for sportsmen in Louisiana. The areas around and beneath the lake were also popular, having been mined for salt and tapped by oil companies. At least they were until November 21, 1980, when a petroleum-seeking drill from a Texaco platform plunged through the lake. Unfortunately, a member of the company’s crew made a critical miscalculation. Instead of hitting a deposit filled with Texas Tea, the drill pierced a mine shaft beneath the lake owned by the Diamond Crystal Salt Company.
The crew realized that something was wrong when they tried to free the drill and it wouldn’t budge. The platform began to tilt and a series of loud pops filled the air. They fled to shore as thousands of gallons of water surged into the
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