are, so that everyone can see plainly that you are wearing your beautiful costume of slave cook!
SCENE TWO
The Parade Ground. The THREE FREE MEN, their CORPORAL.
THREE FREE MEN. We are the Free Men and this is our Corporal. - Three cheers for freedom, rah, rah, rah! We are free. - Let’s not forget, it’s our duty to be free. Hey! not so fast, or we might arrive on time. Freedom means never arriving on time - never, never ! - for our freedom drills. Let’s disobey together ... No! not together: one, two, three! the first will disobey on the count of one, the second on two, the third on three. That makes all the difference. Let’s each march out of step with the other two, however exhausting it may be to keep it up. Let’s disobey individually - here comes the corporal of the Free Men!
CORPORAL, Fall in!
They fall out.
You, Free Man number three, you get two days’ detention for being in line with number two. The training-manual lays down quite clearly that you must be free! — Individual drills in disobedience ... Blind and unwavering indiscipline at all times constitutes the real strength of all Free Men. - Slope ... arms !
THREE FREE MEN. Let’s talk in the ranks. - Let’s disobey. - The first on the count of one, the second on the count of two, the third on the count of three. - One, two, three !
CORPORAL. As you were! Number one, you should have grounded arms; number two, surrendered your weapon; number three thrown your rifle six paces behind you and then tried to strike a libertarian attitude. Fall out! One, two! one two!
They fall in and then march off, being careful not to march in step.
SCENE THREE
PA UBU, MA UBU.
MA UBU. Oh! Pa Ubu, how handsome you look in your cap and apron. Now go and find some Free Man and try out your hook and your shoe-polishing brush on him, so that you can start off in your new duties right away.
PA UBU. Ah ha! I can see three or four specimens scurrying off over there.
MA UBU. Catch one, Pa Ubu.
PA UBU. Hornstrumpot! I shall be delighted to do so. Polishing of the feet, cutting of the hair, singeing of the moustaches, forcing of the little wooden pick into the nearoles ...
MA UBU. Hey, are you out of your mind, Pa Ubu! You must imagine you’re still King of Poland.
PA UBU. Madam my female, I know exactly what I’m doing, and you - you don’t know what you’re talking about. When I was king I did all that for my further glory and for Poland; but now I’m going to institute a modest price-list and they’ll have to pay me: twisting of the nose, for instance, will cost three francs twenty-five. For an even smaller sum I’ll beat you up with your own egg-whisk.
MA UBU flees.
Let us follow these people, in any case, and offer them our services.
SCENE FOUR
PA UBU, the CORPORAL, the THREE FREE MEN. The CORPORAL and the FREE MEN march up and down for some time; then PA UBU falls into step with them.
CORPORAL. Slope ... arms!
PA UBU obeys with his unmentionable brush.
PA UBU. Hurrah for the Pschittanarmy!
CORPORAL. Halt! Halt! Or rather, no ! Disobey by not halting!
The FREE MEN halt, PA UBU steps forward from the ranks.
Who is this new recruit, freer than any of you, who has invented an arms drill I’ve never seen before in all the seven years I’ve been ordering ‘Slope ... arms !’ ?
PA UBU. We obeyed the command, Sir, in order to carry out our slavish duties. I have performed the motions of ‘slope arms’.
CORPORAL. I’ve explained this piece of drill time and time again, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen it done properly. Your theoretical knowledge of freedom is greater than mine, since you even go so far as to obey commands. You are the greatest Free Man of us all. Your name, Sir ?
PA UBU. Herr Ubu, sometime King of Poland and Aragon, Count of Mondragon, Count of Sandomir, Marquis of Saint-Gregory. At present, slave, at your service, Mister ...?
CORPORAL. Pissweet ... Corporal of the
SCENE TWO
The Parade Ground. The THREE FREE MEN, their CORPORAL.
THREE FREE MEN. We are the Free Men and this is our Corporal. - Three cheers for freedom, rah, rah, rah! We are free. - Let’s not forget, it’s our duty to be free. Hey! not so fast, or we might arrive on time. Freedom means never arriving on time - never, never ! - for our freedom drills. Let’s disobey together ... No! not together: one, two, three! the first will disobey on the count of one, the second on two, the third on three. That makes all the difference. Let’s each march out of step with the other two, however exhausting it may be to keep it up. Let’s disobey individually - here comes the corporal of the Free Men!
CORPORAL, Fall in!
They fall out.
You, Free Man number three, you get two days’ detention for being in line with number two. The training-manual lays down quite clearly that you must be free! — Individual drills in disobedience ... Blind and unwavering indiscipline at all times constitutes the real strength of all Free Men. - Slope ... arms !
THREE FREE MEN. Let’s talk in the ranks. - Let’s disobey. - The first on the count of one, the second on the count of two, the third on the count of three. - One, two, three !
CORPORAL. As you were! Number one, you should have grounded arms; number two, surrendered your weapon; number three thrown your rifle six paces behind you and then tried to strike a libertarian attitude. Fall out! One, two! one two!
They fall in and then march off, being careful not to march in step.
SCENE THREE
PA UBU, MA UBU.
MA UBU. Oh! Pa Ubu, how handsome you look in your cap and apron. Now go and find some Free Man and try out your hook and your shoe-polishing brush on him, so that you can start off in your new duties right away.
PA UBU. Ah ha! I can see three or four specimens scurrying off over there.
MA UBU. Catch one, Pa Ubu.
PA UBU. Hornstrumpot! I shall be delighted to do so. Polishing of the feet, cutting of the hair, singeing of the moustaches, forcing of the little wooden pick into the nearoles ...
MA UBU. Hey, are you out of your mind, Pa Ubu! You must imagine you’re still King of Poland.
PA UBU. Madam my female, I know exactly what I’m doing, and you - you don’t know what you’re talking about. When I was king I did all that for my further glory and for Poland; but now I’m going to institute a modest price-list and they’ll have to pay me: twisting of the nose, for instance, will cost three francs twenty-five. For an even smaller sum I’ll beat you up with your own egg-whisk.
MA UBU flees.
Let us follow these people, in any case, and offer them our services.
SCENE FOUR
PA UBU, the CORPORAL, the THREE FREE MEN. The CORPORAL and the FREE MEN march up and down for some time; then PA UBU falls into step with them.
CORPORAL. Slope ... arms!
PA UBU obeys with his unmentionable brush.
PA UBU. Hurrah for the Pschittanarmy!
CORPORAL. Halt! Halt! Or rather, no ! Disobey by not halting!
The FREE MEN halt, PA UBU steps forward from the ranks.
Who is this new recruit, freer than any of you, who has invented an arms drill I’ve never seen before in all the seven years I’ve been ordering ‘Slope ... arms !’ ?
PA UBU. We obeyed the command, Sir, in order to carry out our slavish duties. I have performed the motions of ‘slope arms’.
CORPORAL. I’ve explained this piece of drill time and time again, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen it done properly. Your theoretical knowledge of freedom is greater than mine, since you even go so far as to obey commands. You are the greatest Free Man of us all. Your name, Sir ?
PA UBU. Herr Ubu, sometime King of Poland and Aragon, Count of Mondragon, Count of Sandomir, Marquis of Saint-Gregory. At present, slave, at your service, Mister ...?
CORPORAL. Pissweet ... Corporal of the
Similar Books
