Ethnic Jokes—Variegated
Why do Italian men have mustaches?
So they can look like their mothers.
*
What’s Irish and comes out in the springtime?
Patio furniture.
(Paddy O’ Furniture. . . get it?)
*
Did you hear about the advertisement for Italian army rifles?
“Never been shot and only dropped once.”
*
What do you get when you cross a Pole and a Chicano?
A kid who spray-paints his name on chain-link fences.
*
What are the first three words a Puerto Rican child learns?
“Attention K-Mart shoppers. . .”
*
Two guys are walking along, and Harry keeps going on about how he hates Italians. “Greasy wops,” he grumbles, “always makin’ noise. And talk about dumb . . . Wish they’d go back where they came from.”
In the middle of this harangue, they come to a street corner where there’s an organ grinder. He really looks the part: one earring, tattered gypsy jacket, and is loudly singing “O Sole Mio.” So Phil is astonished when Harry digs a $1 bill out of his pocket and gives it to the organ grinder’s little monkey.
“What’d you do that for?” he asks. “I thought you hated Italians.”
“I do,” sighs Harry, “But they’re so cute when they’re young.”
*
Why do Puerto Ricans throw away their garbage in clear plastic bags?
So Italians can go window shopping.
*
A black, an Irishman, and an Italian are trying out for a TV quiz show. The emcee explains that all they have to do is complete the sentence and spell the word they come up with. All three candidates nod in understanding. The announcer’s voice booms out the first question: “Old MacDonald had a _________”
“Farm,” says the Italian. “F. . . a . . . r . . . m . . . e.”
“I’m sorry,” says the announcer. “Right word,wrong spelling. Next, please: Old MacDonald had a _________”
“House,” says the Irishman. “H . . . o . . . u . . . s . . . e.”
“So sorry,” says the announcer. “Wrong word, right spelling. Next, please: Old MacDonald had a _________”
“Farm!” says the black guy. “E . . . i . . . e . . .i . . . o.”
*
Why did God invent golf?
So that white people could dress up like black people.
*
A Jew and an Irishman are having a lofty discussion about sex, the Irishman maintaining that it’s work and the Jew that it’s pleasure. Unable to come to an agreement, they agree to discuss it further at another date.
At their next meeting, the Irishman announces triumphantly that he had checked with his priest.” He says it’s work, purely for the purpose of pro-creation, you see?”
The Jew is far from satisfied, and goes to talk the matter over with his rabbi. Reporting on his findings to the Irishman, the Jew says, “My rabbi says it must be pleasure, because if it was work we’d have the blacks do it.”
*
What’s the difference between an Italian grand-mother and an elephant?
Fifty pounds and a black dress.
*
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez.
*
How do you solve the Puerto Rican problem?
Tell the blacks they taste like fried chicken.
*
What do you get when you cross a Chinaman and a hooker?
Someone who’ll suck your laundry.
*
A four-passenger plane is halfway across the Pacific when it becomes obvious that it’s having serious engine troubles. Eventually the captain comes over the PA system to make a grave announcement. “Passengers,” he says grimly, “I’m afraid that with our current load, this plane is never going to make it to land. In fact, the only way any of us are going to make it, since there’s no cargo aboard, is by jettisoning passengers. Now since I’m the captain, I’ve got to stay put, but I’m sure we’ve got three gentlemen aboard who will sacrifice themselves for the greater good.”
“Vive la France!” exclaims a young Frenchman and, clutching his beret, opens the emergency hatch and plummets out of sight.
After a slight pause, a stout British man stands up. “Long live the Queen!” he says
Why do Italian men have mustaches?
So they can look like their mothers.
*
What’s Irish and comes out in the springtime?
Patio furniture.
(Paddy O’ Furniture. . . get it?)
*
Did you hear about the advertisement for Italian army rifles?
“Never been shot and only dropped once.”
*
What do you get when you cross a Pole and a Chicano?
A kid who spray-paints his name on chain-link fences.
*
What are the first three words a Puerto Rican child learns?
“Attention K-Mart shoppers. . .”
*
Two guys are walking along, and Harry keeps going on about how he hates Italians. “Greasy wops,” he grumbles, “always makin’ noise. And talk about dumb . . . Wish they’d go back where they came from.”
In the middle of this harangue, they come to a street corner where there’s an organ grinder. He really looks the part: one earring, tattered gypsy jacket, and is loudly singing “O Sole Mio.” So Phil is astonished when Harry digs a $1 bill out of his pocket and gives it to the organ grinder’s little monkey.
“What’d you do that for?” he asks. “I thought you hated Italians.”
“I do,” sighs Harry, “But they’re so cute when they’re young.”
*
Why do Puerto Ricans throw away their garbage in clear plastic bags?
So Italians can go window shopping.
*
A black, an Irishman, and an Italian are trying out for a TV quiz show. The emcee explains that all they have to do is complete the sentence and spell the word they come up with. All three candidates nod in understanding. The announcer’s voice booms out the first question: “Old MacDonald had a _________”
“Farm,” says the Italian. “F. . . a . . . r . . . m . . . e.”
“I’m sorry,” says the announcer. “Right word,wrong spelling. Next, please: Old MacDonald had a _________”
“House,” says the Irishman. “H . . . o . . . u . . . s . . . e.”
“So sorry,” says the announcer. “Wrong word, right spelling. Next, please: Old MacDonald had a _________”
“Farm!” says the black guy. “E . . . i . . . e . . .i . . . o.”
*
Why did God invent golf?
So that white people could dress up like black people.
*
A Jew and an Irishman are having a lofty discussion about sex, the Irishman maintaining that it’s work and the Jew that it’s pleasure. Unable to come to an agreement, they agree to discuss it further at another date.
At their next meeting, the Irishman announces triumphantly that he had checked with his priest.” He says it’s work, purely for the purpose of pro-creation, you see?”
The Jew is far from satisfied, and goes to talk the matter over with his rabbi. Reporting on his findings to the Irishman, the Jew says, “My rabbi says it must be pleasure, because if it was work we’d have the blacks do it.”
*
What’s the difference between an Italian grand-mother and an elephant?
Fifty pounds and a black dress.
*
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez.
*
How do you solve the Puerto Rican problem?
Tell the blacks they taste like fried chicken.
*
What do you get when you cross a Chinaman and a hooker?
Someone who’ll suck your laundry.
*
A four-passenger plane is halfway across the Pacific when it becomes obvious that it’s having serious engine troubles. Eventually the captain comes over the PA system to make a grave announcement. “Passengers,” he says grimly, “I’m afraid that with our current load, this plane is never going to make it to land. In fact, the only way any of us are going to make it, since there’s no cargo aboard, is by jettisoning passengers. Now since I’m the captain, I’ve got to stay put, but I’m sure we’ve got three gentlemen aboard who will sacrifice themselves for the greater good.”
“Vive la France!” exclaims a young Frenchman and, clutching his beret, opens the emergency hatch and plummets out of sight.
After a slight pause, a stout British man stands up. “Long live the Queen!” he says
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