proudly, making for the door.
There’s a long pause, following which a big Texan stands up. Grabbing the hapless Mexican sitting next to him, he tosses him out of the hatch,shouting, “Remember the Alamo!”
*
During a strategic battle of World War II, a Jew, a black, and an Irishman had the misfortune to be blown to smithereens by the same shell. And so they found themselves at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greeted the Irishman first. “My boy,” he said, “it’s obvious to me that you’ve been fighting on the side of Good and Justice, and to reward you, I’m giving you a second chance at life on earth. Get along now.”
Rather unable to believe his good fortune, the Irishman stumbled into the bivouac to report to his commanding officer. “My God, man,” stammered the incredulous officer, “how’d you get back here . . . and what happened to your companions?”
“Well, sir,” explained the soldier, “St. Peter let me back to earth for free, and when I left the Jew was trying to get St. Pete down from $100 to$19.99, and the black was trying to get someone to co-sign a loan.”
*
On a transatlantic run a freighter came across three survivors of a shipwreck, bobbing about, sunburned and thirsty, in a rubber raft. The freighter’s captain, a Britisher, leaned over the side and shouted, “I’d like to rescue you fellows, but I’ve a few questions first.” Of the first man, a hardy Welshman, he asked, “What was the worst disaster in naval history?”
“That would be the sinking of the Titanic,” replied the Welshman, and the captain threw down a rope and pulled him up.
The next question he posed to the Irishman: “Can you tell me how many died?”
“Td say about 1,250 people,” came the reply, and a rope was dropped over the side to pull him aboard.
“You’re from Australia, aren’t you?” said the captain to the lone man in the raft, turning away from the rail. “Name ‘em.”
*
How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?
“Trust me.”
*
What’s black and white and red all over?
An interracial couple in a car wrec.
*
Did you hear that Alitalia and El Al were merging to form a new airline?
It’s going to be called Well I’ll Tell Ya . . .
*
This little Jewish guy, couldn’t weigh more than seventy pounds, goes to Houston on business. He checks into the hotel, which is fifty stories high, and is shown into a suite the size of a ballroom. Overwhelmed, he goes down to the bar and is served a glass it takes him both hands to lift. “Everything’s big in Texas, pal,” says the bartender with a wink.
When his steak dinner arrives, the plate can’t even be seen. “Hey, everything’s big in Texas,” says the waiter.
Finally, overcome by all of this, the little guy decides it’s time to hit his super-king-size bed, only to lose his way in the hotel’s vast corridors. Opening the door of a darkened room, he falls into the swimming pool with a great splash—and surfaces to shriek, “Don’t flush!”
*
Did you hear about the Italian engineer who invented a car so energy-efficient it didn’t need any gas at all?
It’s called the Ronzoni Downhill.
*
Or about the Italian driver in the Indianapolis 500 who had to make seven pit stops . . . to ask directions?
*
How do you get forty Haitians in a shoebox?
Tell ‘em it floats.
*
What’s an innuendo?
An Italian suppository.
*
Why do Mexicans drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.
*
What did the Mexican do with his first 50-cent piece?
Married her.
*
Why don’t Mexicans have barbecues?
The beans fall through the grill.
*
How many cigars does it take to kill ten Mexicans?
Juan Corona.
*
In America, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your children are?”
In England, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your wife is?”
In France, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your husband is?”
In Poland, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know
There’s a long pause, following which a big Texan stands up. Grabbing the hapless Mexican sitting next to him, he tosses him out of the hatch,shouting, “Remember the Alamo!”
*
During a strategic battle of World War II, a Jew, a black, and an Irishman had the misfortune to be blown to smithereens by the same shell. And so they found themselves at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greeted the Irishman first. “My boy,” he said, “it’s obvious to me that you’ve been fighting on the side of Good and Justice, and to reward you, I’m giving you a second chance at life on earth. Get along now.”
Rather unable to believe his good fortune, the Irishman stumbled into the bivouac to report to his commanding officer. “My God, man,” stammered the incredulous officer, “how’d you get back here . . . and what happened to your companions?”
“Well, sir,” explained the soldier, “St. Peter let me back to earth for free, and when I left the Jew was trying to get St. Pete down from $100 to$19.99, and the black was trying to get someone to co-sign a loan.”
*
On a transatlantic run a freighter came across three survivors of a shipwreck, bobbing about, sunburned and thirsty, in a rubber raft. The freighter’s captain, a Britisher, leaned over the side and shouted, “I’d like to rescue you fellows, but I’ve a few questions first.” Of the first man, a hardy Welshman, he asked, “What was the worst disaster in naval history?”
“That would be the sinking of the Titanic,” replied the Welshman, and the captain threw down a rope and pulled him up.
The next question he posed to the Irishman: “Can you tell me how many died?”
“Td say about 1,250 people,” came the reply, and a rope was dropped over the side to pull him aboard.
“You’re from Australia, aren’t you?” said the captain to the lone man in the raft, turning away from the rail. “Name ‘em.”
*
How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?
“Trust me.”
*
What’s black and white and red all over?
An interracial couple in a car wrec.
*
Did you hear that Alitalia and El Al were merging to form a new airline?
It’s going to be called Well I’ll Tell Ya . . .
*
This little Jewish guy, couldn’t weigh more than seventy pounds, goes to Houston on business. He checks into the hotel, which is fifty stories high, and is shown into a suite the size of a ballroom. Overwhelmed, he goes down to the bar and is served a glass it takes him both hands to lift. “Everything’s big in Texas, pal,” says the bartender with a wink.
When his steak dinner arrives, the plate can’t even be seen. “Hey, everything’s big in Texas,” says the waiter.
Finally, overcome by all of this, the little guy decides it’s time to hit his super-king-size bed, only to lose his way in the hotel’s vast corridors. Opening the door of a darkened room, he falls into the swimming pool with a great splash—and surfaces to shriek, “Don’t flush!”
*
Did you hear about the Italian engineer who invented a car so energy-efficient it didn’t need any gas at all?
It’s called the Ronzoni Downhill.
*
Or about the Italian driver in the Indianapolis 500 who had to make seven pit stops . . . to ask directions?
*
How do you get forty Haitians in a shoebox?
Tell ‘em it floats.
*
What’s an innuendo?
An Italian suppository.
*
Why do Mexicans drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.
*
What did the Mexican do with his first 50-cent piece?
Married her.
*
Why don’t Mexicans have barbecues?
The beans fall through the grill.
*
How many cigars does it take to kill ten Mexicans?
Juan Corona.
*
In America, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your children are?”
In England, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your wife is?”
In France, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know where your husband is?”
In Poland, they say, “It’s 10:00—do you know
Similar Books
