would
be worth a try. But I do. That’s not
it. But she isn’t going to tell me
what it really is. She did, however,
give me the opportunity to get
something off my chest. “Mom, you
probably don’t want to hear this,
but I agree with Dad. I think you
should let the disease run its course.
Shelby deserves a dignified death.
More treatment won’t stop her from
dying. But it will take away her dignity.
I don’t want to watch that, and neither does
Dad. And I don’t think you should, either.”
There. Feelings shared. God, does it
piss her off. I can’t believe you said
that! Where did you get such ideas?
The Answer Is So Obvious
It sinks its fangs immediately.
Is that how you feel about Alex,
should he develop AIDS? That
he deserves a dignified death?
I tell her that’s exactly how
I feel. Once there is no choice,
I pray his death is dignified.
“I hope I’ll be there to help him
through it, but that will probably
be many years from now.” She
gives me a strange look. Kind of
like, really? “I know the odds
of us staying together that long
aren’t good. I mean, we’re both
young and stupid.” It’s enough
to saw through the tension.
We are both sort of half smiling
when Dad barrels through the door,
carrying—groceries? When was
the last time he went shopping?
Not only that, but it is late afternoon
and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been
drinking. It’s like whatever broke
Mom down tried to fix Dad up.
Success in That Endeavor
Is highly unlikely. Dad’s eyes scroll
back and forth between Mom and me.
Questioning. His mouth opens. Closes.
Mom says, We’re talking about death.
His face creases, so she adds, Dignified
death, actually. For people we love.
I . . . , he tries, uh . . . oh. He starts
unpacking the grocery bags. I got steaks.
Thought we could barbecue. He turns
back to me. I bought an extra one, in case
you wanted to invite Alex to join us. What
the hell? I’m sorry we fought yesterday.
Wait just one damn minute. Was that
an apology? Not to mention acceptance
of Alex and me? “Alex and I will still both be gay.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. That’s what
I hear. Guess I’ll have to get over
it. You’re still my son, Shane. I love you.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Yeah, that’s it. Has to be. Alternately,
what does this stranger want from me?
Must find out. “Actions speak louder
than words, Dad. But steak is a good start.”
He actually smiles at me. Creeping
me out. And rib-eye, too. Thought
your mom was looking a little anemic.
Where did he find a sense of humor?
I don’t even know how to feel
right now, because I’m pretty sure
everything will be back to “usual”
without warning. Maybe someone
prescribed him new meds? I think
about not inviting Alex. But I’m
dying to see him, and to make him
feel something like normal while
in the company of my family. Surreal.
When was the last time I felt that way?
I am not far toward my room when I hear
Dad say, You didn’t tell him, did you?
Shelby
I Hear
Nobody thinks so. But I do.
Sometimes people whisper.
Sometimes they yell.
Sometimes they say mean things.
I see
more than the TV. It’s my friend.
I don’t have any others, like the kids
on Barney do. Why are people afraid
of me? I don’t want to hurt them.
I taste
only the sweet air, whooshed
through tubes to help me breathe.
If I’m lucky a bit of flavor comes
with the wind or skin or clothes
I smell.
I wish my mouth would let
me tell Mama I love her.
Let me tell Daddy I miss him.
Let me tell Shane how good
I feel
when I see him happy with Alex.
I like when I swim because when
I float, I am free. I like when I sleep
because I dance when
I dream.
Harley
Dancing
That’s where Dad and Cassie
are going later. Which means
Chad and I will be home alone.
And I’ve got a plan. Formulated
from watching many episodes of
Jersey Shore, The Bachelor and
Desperate Housewives. Mom
would throw a regular fit if she
knew those shows have become
my sources of inspiration. It’s
called
be worth a try. But I do. That’s not
it. But she isn’t going to tell me
what it really is. She did, however,
give me the opportunity to get
something off my chest. “Mom, you
probably don’t want to hear this,
but I agree with Dad. I think you
should let the disease run its course.
Shelby deserves a dignified death.
More treatment won’t stop her from
dying. But it will take away her dignity.
I don’t want to watch that, and neither does
Dad. And I don’t think you should, either.”
There. Feelings shared. God, does it
piss her off. I can’t believe you said
that! Where did you get such ideas?
The Answer Is So Obvious
It sinks its fangs immediately.
Is that how you feel about Alex,
should he develop AIDS? That
he deserves a dignified death?
I tell her that’s exactly how
I feel. Once there is no choice,
I pray his death is dignified.
“I hope I’ll be there to help him
through it, but that will probably
be many years from now.” She
gives me a strange look. Kind of
like, really? “I know the odds
of us staying together that long
aren’t good. I mean, we’re both
young and stupid.” It’s enough
to saw through the tension.
We are both sort of half smiling
when Dad barrels through the door,
carrying—groceries? When was
the last time he went shopping?
Not only that, but it is late afternoon
and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been
drinking. It’s like whatever broke
Mom down tried to fix Dad up.
Success in That Endeavor
Is highly unlikely. Dad’s eyes scroll
back and forth between Mom and me.
Questioning. His mouth opens. Closes.
Mom says, We’re talking about death.
His face creases, so she adds, Dignified
death, actually. For people we love.
I . . . , he tries, uh . . . oh. He starts
unpacking the grocery bags. I got steaks.
Thought we could barbecue. He turns
back to me. I bought an extra one, in case
you wanted to invite Alex to join us. What
the hell? I’m sorry we fought yesterday.
Wait just one damn minute. Was that
an apology? Not to mention acceptance
of Alex and me? “Alex and I will still both be gay.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. That’s what
I hear. Guess I’ll have to get over
it. You’re still my son, Shane. I love you.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Yeah, that’s it. Has to be. Alternately,
what does this stranger want from me?
Must find out. “Actions speak louder
than words, Dad. But steak is a good start.”
He actually smiles at me. Creeping
me out. And rib-eye, too. Thought
your mom was looking a little anemic.
Where did he find a sense of humor?
I don’t even know how to feel
right now, because I’m pretty sure
everything will be back to “usual”
without warning. Maybe someone
prescribed him new meds? I think
about not inviting Alex. But I’m
dying to see him, and to make him
feel something like normal while
in the company of my family. Surreal.
When was the last time I felt that way?
I am not far toward my room when I hear
Dad say, You didn’t tell him, did you?
Shelby
I Hear
Nobody thinks so. But I do.
Sometimes people whisper.
Sometimes they yell.
Sometimes they say mean things.
I see
more than the TV. It’s my friend.
I don’t have any others, like the kids
on Barney do. Why are people afraid
of me? I don’t want to hurt them.
I taste
only the sweet air, whooshed
through tubes to help me breathe.
If I’m lucky a bit of flavor comes
with the wind or skin or clothes
I smell.
I wish my mouth would let
me tell Mama I love her.
Let me tell Daddy I miss him.
Let me tell Shane how good
I feel
when I see him happy with Alex.
I like when I swim because when
I float, I am free. I like when I sleep
because I dance when
I dream.
Harley
Dancing
That’s where Dad and Cassie
are going later. Which means
Chad and I will be home alone.
And I’ve got a plan. Formulated
from watching many episodes of
Jersey Shore, The Bachelor and
Desperate Housewives. Mom
would throw a regular fit if she
knew those shows have become
my sources of inspiration. It’s
called
Similar Books
