her hand a beat too long. “I hope Amelia’s okay. I’ll be praying for her.”
Cate hurried away, desperate to get to her daughter’s side. She didn’t even wonder how Rose knew Amelia’s name.
When Cate arrived at Accident and Emergency Amelia was nowhere to be seen. She went over to where a receptionist was taking a call, impatiently tapping her fingers on the desk, eyes darting and ears pricked for Amelia’s voice. She was in a state of controlled panic and had driven as fast as her conscience would allow, forcing herself to brake at the red lights rather than rush through. There had been no vacant spaces in the car park and she had pulled onto the grass verge.
Finally, the receptionist ended her call. Mistaking Cate’s pale face for a patient she said crisply, “If you take a seat, I’ll get a nurse to see you.”
“My daughter’s been brought in after having an accident. Amelia Austin.”
The woman zigzagged a red nail down a list. “She’s with the doctor now. Room 3 – just down there.” She pointed to a corridor on Cate’s left.
Cate was halfway to the cubicle already. Please , she silently begged, don’t let Amelia be badly hurt.
“Mummy!”
Her daughter lay on a hospital trolley, being examined by a doctor. Sitting by her side was Julie, the childminder.
“Is Daddy here too?”
“No, love.” Cate reached for Amelia, cradling her close and kissing her hair, smelling fresh sweat on her scalp. “Oh sweetheart, what have you done?”
Amelia cried into her mother’s jacket, as Cate watched the doctor twisting her daughter’s foot, its sole against his palm. “Ow!” cried Amelia.
“Is it broken?” Cate asked.
The doctor prodded the puffy ankle. “Maybe a small fracture. We’ll need to take an X-ray and we’ll put an ice pack on it to take down the swelling. It will need to be strapped up and she’ll be hobbling around for a few weeks, I’m afraid.”
“What happened?” Cate asked Julie.
Amelia’s muffled voice said, “I fell, Mummy. A boy at the park knocked me off the climbing frame.”
“I don’t think he meant to,” said Julie. “It was an accident.”
“You should have been watching her, Julie.”
“I was!”
Cate couldn’t even look at her. “I need to feel Amelia’s in safe hands when I’m at work.”
“It was an accident, Cate. Don’t you think I feel bad enough already? I wish we’d never gone to the park, but Amelia was feeling better and I thought the fresh air would do her good.” Julie reached forward and stroked Amelia’s arm. “We thought we’d have a little play time, didn’t we, angel?”
Amelia smiled at Julie, forgetting her pain.
Cate shifted in her seat. “You can go now, Julie. I’ll take care of her.”
As Julie rose to go, Amelia reached out for her, clinging to her with the tenacity of a limpet. Cate tried to smile, telling herself it was a good thing that Amelia had a strong bond with her childminder. “Okay, Julie. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You sure you want me to leave?” Julie looked hesitant.
“Just go,” said Cate, fighting a rising tide of jealousy. And she held her daughter tight she whispered a hundred sorrys into her hair.
15
Black Book Entry
I learned a lot from Rita, but mostly I learned about death. She wasn’t afraid of it like most people are. Even when the doctor said she had lung cancer she wasn’t scared. Her only worry was what would happen to me when she’d gone. It was the summer after my GCSE exams and I’d done well enough to stay on at school for the sixth form. I was good at the sciences, especially chemistry. Mr Wilson said I was a natural, and I liked the experiments, lighting the Bunsen burner with the air hole closed, then opening it, the gas burning in my sinuses as I watched the flame change from yellow to blue. I was going to do A-level chemistry, and I wanted to be a pharmacist. To help people get better.
Rita was dying. Her coughing was something we both dreaded,
Cate hurried away, desperate to get to her daughter’s side. She didn’t even wonder how Rose knew Amelia’s name.
When Cate arrived at Accident and Emergency Amelia was nowhere to be seen. She went over to where a receptionist was taking a call, impatiently tapping her fingers on the desk, eyes darting and ears pricked for Amelia’s voice. She was in a state of controlled panic and had driven as fast as her conscience would allow, forcing herself to brake at the red lights rather than rush through. There had been no vacant spaces in the car park and she had pulled onto the grass verge.
Finally, the receptionist ended her call. Mistaking Cate’s pale face for a patient she said crisply, “If you take a seat, I’ll get a nurse to see you.”
“My daughter’s been brought in after having an accident. Amelia Austin.”
The woman zigzagged a red nail down a list. “She’s with the doctor now. Room 3 – just down there.” She pointed to a corridor on Cate’s left.
Cate was halfway to the cubicle already. Please , she silently begged, don’t let Amelia be badly hurt.
“Mummy!”
Her daughter lay on a hospital trolley, being examined by a doctor. Sitting by her side was Julie, the childminder.
“Is Daddy here too?”
“No, love.” Cate reached for Amelia, cradling her close and kissing her hair, smelling fresh sweat on her scalp. “Oh sweetheart, what have you done?”
Amelia cried into her mother’s jacket, as Cate watched the doctor twisting her daughter’s foot, its sole against his palm. “Ow!” cried Amelia.
“Is it broken?” Cate asked.
The doctor prodded the puffy ankle. “Maybe a small fracture. We’ll need to take an X-ray and we’ll put an ice pack on it to take down the swelling. It will need to be strapped up and she’ll be hobbling around for a few weeks, I’m afraid.”
“What happened?” Cate asked Julie.
Amelia’s muffled voice said, “I fell, Mummy. A boy at the park knocked me off the climbing frame.”
“I don’t think he meant to,” said Julie. “It was an accident.”
“You should have been watching her, Julie.”
“I was!”
Cate couldn’t even look at her. “I need to feel Amelia’s in safe hands when I’m at work.”
“It was an accident, Cate. Don’t you think I feel bad enough already? I wish we’d never gone to the park, but Amelia was feeling better and I thought the fresh air would do her good.” Julie reached forward and stroked Amelia’s arm. “We thought we’d have a little play time, didn’t we, angel?”
Amelia smiled at Julie, forgetting her pain.
Cate shifted in her seat. “You can go now, Julie. I’ll take care of her.”
As Julie rose to go, Amelia reached out for her, clinging to her with the tenacity of a limpet. Cate tried to smile, telling herself it was a good thing that Amelia had a strong bond with her childminder. “Okay, Julie. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You sure you want me to leave?” Julie looked hesitant.
“Just go,” said Cate, fighting a rising tide of jealousy. And she held her daughter tight she whispered a hundred sorrys into her hair.
15
Black Book Entry
I learned a lot from Rita, but mostly I learned about death. She wasn’t afraid of it like most people are. Even when the doctor said she had lung cancer she wasn’t scared. Her only worry was what would happen to me when she’d gone. It was the summer after my GCSE exams and I’d done well enough to stay on at school for the sixth form. I was good at the sciences, especially chemistry. Mr Wilson said I was a natural, and I liked the experiments, lighting the Bunsen burner with the air hole closed, then opening it, the gas burning in my sinuses as I watched the flame change from yellow to blue. I was going to do A-level chemistry, and I wanted to be a pharmacist. To help people get better.
Rita was dying. Her coughing was something we both dreaded,
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