on and the warning signal pinged. She looked at her cellphone resting on the dashboard and was surprised when it began to ring. Without checking the caller display, she answered it. “Stewart?”
“Hey,” Stewart said. “How are you? How’d it go?”
Rebecca closed the car door and was in darkness again. “What would you do if you could walk away from your past?” she asked.
“Wait—what happened with the eulogy?”
“It was very bad. Terrible. But something new has happened. Just listen.”
“Okay.”
“If you could, would you walk away from your past?”
“Rebecca, I did walk away from my past.”
“Then why are you calling me? It must be, like, after one in the morning there.”
Stewart had no reply to this. “Why are you asking me this?” he finally said.
“Just play along. Please? Pretend something magical happened and you suddenly had the power to emotionally detach from your past. To make it all evaporate,completely. Would you do it?”
“Is it all or nothing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do I have to get rid of all of my past? Or can I pick and choose?”
“That’s it.”
“What is?”
“You’re saying I could just pick what I want to get rid of, the stuff that’s making me stuck—stuck in the past—and leave the rest.”
“Isn’t this hypothetical?”
“It’s perfect.”
“Rebecca?”
“Thank you so much.”
Rebecca closed her phone. She got out of the car. Using the key Zimmer had given her, she entered E.Z. Self Storage through the loading bay door. The lights flickered in the sluggish elevator, making her wish she’d taken the stairs. When the doors opened, she ran as fast as she could. She was out of breath when she reached unit #207. She inserted the key into the lock and twisted. She put her forehead on the door and stood perfectly still.
For three years, since Stewart left her, Rebecca had felt that her life had been ruined by how much she’d loved him. But no matter what she did, she couldn’t get rid of that love. She did not know what would kill it. Both neglect and abandonment had failed. Its survival, Rebecca believed, was due to her unchanging life, which trapped her in the same moments again and again, as if time were hiccupping. But now she had a way out. Her toes curled in her shoes. She took three very deep breaths and then pulled the padlock open.
Inside, Rebecca began to search for the boxes marked STEWART . She had divided him into a large number of tiny boxes, the majority of which were on the left, about three rows back. She found a box marked STEWART—SINCE DIVORCE . Beside it was STEWART—HOUSE ON WATER STREET . The three below that were all marked STEWART—WEDDING . She found a box marked STEWART—FIRST APARTMENT and two that were labelled STEWART—DATING . Soon she had located them all.
Rebecca carried all of these boxes out of her storage area and set them on the concrete floor in the hallway. She walked down to the main floor to get the dolly. She took the elevator back to the second floor. She pushed the dolly to unit #207 and began loading the boxes.
Even fully loaded, the dolly was easy to move. It fit easily into the elevator. She rode down to the first floor, where she pushed it out the back door and down the ramp, stopping in front of the Dumpster. Without hesitating, Rebecca opened the Dumpster and began throwing boxes inside. Some of the boxes made a loud crash when they landed. Others made a dull thud. Rebecca found both sounds extremely satisfying. When there was only one box left, she threw it as high as she could, watching it rise up into the air and then crash into the Dumpster. Rebecca closed the lid and stood silently in front of it.
The pain in her chest came quickly. It was severe and sharp. She doubled over and collapsed onto the ground. She brought her knees up to her stomach. She tasted bile in the back of her throat, but she did not throw up. The pain stopped as quickly as it had started.
Standing up,
“Hey,” Stewart said. “How are you? How’d it go?”
Rebecca closed the car door and was in darkness again. “What would you do if you could walk away from your past?” she asked.
“Wait—what happened with the eulogy?”
“It was very bad. Terrible. But something new has happened. Just listen.”
“Okay.”
“If you could, would you walk away from your past?”
“Rebecca, I did walk away from my past.”
“Then why are you calling me? It must be, like, after one in the morning there.”
Stewart had no reply to this. “Why are you asking me this?” he finally said.
“Just play along. Please? Pretend something magical happened and you suddenly had the power to emotionally detach from your past. To make it all evaporate,completely. Would you do it?”
“Is it all or nothing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do I have to get rid of all of my past? Or can I pick and choose?”
“That’s it.”
“What is?”
“You’re saying I could just pick what I want to get rid of, the stuff that’s making me stuck—stuck in the past—and leave the rest.”
“Isn’t this hypothetical?”
“It’s perfect.”
“Rebecca?”
“Thank you so much.”
Rebecca closed her phone. She got out of the car. Using the key Zimmer had given her, she entered E.Z. Self Storage through the loading bay door. The lights flickered in the sluggish elevator, making her wish she’d taken the stairs. When the doors opened, she ran as fast as she could. She was out of breath when she reached unit #207. She inserted the key into the lock and twisted. She put her forehead on the door and stood perfectly still.
For three years, since Stewart left her, Rebecca had felt that her life had been ruined by how much she’d loved him. But no matter what she did, she couldn’t get rid of that love. She did not know what would kill it. Both neglect and abandonment had failed. Its survival, Rebecca believed, was due to her unchanging life, which trapped her in the same moments again and again, as if time were hiccupping. But now she had a way out. Her toes curled in her shoes. She took three very deep breaths and then pulled the padlock open.
Inside, Rebecca began to search for the boxes marked STEWART . She had divided him into a large number of tiny boxes, the majority of which were on the left, about three rows back. She found a box marked STEWART—SINCE DIVORCE . Beside it was STEWART—HOUSE ON WATER STREET . The three below that were all marked STEWART—WEDDING . She found a box marked STEWART—FIRST APARTMENT and two that were labelled STEWART—DATING . Soon she had located them all.
Rebecca carried all of these boxes out of her storage area and set them on the concrete floor in the hallway. She walked down to the main floor to get the dolly. She took the elevator back to the second floor. She pushed the dolly to unit #207 and began loading the boxes.
Even fully loaded, the dolly was easy to move. It fit easily into the elevator. She rode down to the first floor, where she pushed it out the back door and down the ramp, stopping in front of the Dumpster. Without hesitating, Rebecca opened the Dumpster and began throwing boxes inside. Some of the boxes made a loud crash when they landed. Others made a dull thud. Rebecca found both sounds extremely satisfying. When there was only one box left, she threw it as high as she could, watching it rise up into the air and then crash into the Dumpster. Rebecca closed the lid and stood silently in front of it.
The pain in her chest came quickly. It was severe and sharp. She doubled over and collapsed onto the ground. She brought her knees up to her stomach. She tasted bile in the back of her throat, but she did not throw up. The pain stopped as quickly as it had started.
Standing up,
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