The Waterproof Bible by Andrew Kaufman Page B
Authors: Andrew Kaufman
Tags: General Fiction
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the kitchen. Dripping on the linoleum floor, she looked at the clock on the microwave, which read 5:47 a.m. The shower continued running. Rebecca sat down, her skin slipping on the vinyl kitchen chair. Twenty minutes later, stuck to the chair, she realized that what she was missing was the missing of Stewart.
15
The windshield cracks
Aberystwyth was driving north on Highway 400, two hours outside of Toronto, and had just passed Wood Landing when a stone flew out of the gravel truck in front of her. It cut through the air so sure of itself, as if it already knew where it was going. She had never before seen an object move like this. The stone displayed so much confidence. She stared at it, envious, studying its progress. Then it struck her windshield, creating an elliptical chip and scaring the hell out of her.
Aby clasped the steering wheel until her knuckles were lime green and used both feet to push down on the left pedal. She pulled onto the shoulder while the car still had considerable speed. When the white Honda Civic became motionless, so did Aby. A large transport truck passed, causing the car to shake. Lifting her trembling index finger, Aby touched the chip. Her skin turned dark green. She had not known glass could break, and she suddenly felt extremely vulnerable inside the white Honda Civic.
Aby got out of the car, supporting herself with the open door, and surveyed the horizon. Directly in front of her was a field where cows were chewing grass and ignoring her. Looking past them, Aby focused on a maple tree that stood by itself in the middle of the field. Taking tiny steps, she walked down the small hill betweenthe highway and the field. She noticed a series of short wooden posts standing two or three feet apart. A thin line of string connected them. It looked like the string would cause little resistance, but when she touched it, a sting more painful than that of any jellyfish went through her. Aby let go of the string. She looked at the fence. She touched it again, this time grasping it firmly, which only made the sting more painful.
Aby looked around and noticed the tall wooden poles that lined the highway. Aside from the maple tree, these were the tallest objects in sight. She crawled up the hill and made her way to the nearest pole. The poles were connected by strings far above her head. Tentatively Aby reached out her hand and lightly touched the pole with her index finger. When she felt no sting, she pushed a breath of air through her lungs, lowered herself onto her back and shimmied her body until the top of her head was firmly against the pole.
When Aquatics are overwhelmed, they seek out the tallest object in view, lie on their backs, put their heads against it and look up. The ritual is called
lítill
, and its purpose is to remind believers that they are actually quite small and, therefore, so are their problems.
Craning her neck, Aby looked up to the very top of the pole. While the height of the pole did make her feel small, she had to stare for some time before she began to believe that her problems were also small. She continued to stare. Then, knowing that if she didn’t get back inside the white Honda Civic soon she never would, Aby stood. Her steps were stumbly, but she did not fall on her way back to the car.
Starting the engine, Aby ignored the sick feeling inher stomach, put the car in gear and depressed the accelerator. The white Honda Civic gathered speed on the shoulder. Looking at the side-view mirror, Aby saw a car approaching. She still found it extremely difficult to judge the speed of objects in the distance. The car looked small in the mirror, so she pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The engine made a high whiny noise. The tires spun in the gravel. She found steering difficult. The speedometer told her that she’d reached a speed of 60 kilometres per hour. Aby knew it needed to read 100. In the rear-view mirror, the car behind her continued to approach with great speed.
15
The windshield cracks
Aberystwyth was driving north on Highway 400, two hours outside of Toronto, and had just passed Wood Landing when a stone flew out of the gravel truck in front of her. It cut through the air so sure of itself, as if it already knew where it was going. She had never before seen an object move like this. The stone displayed so much confidence. She stared at it, envious, studying its progress. Then it struck her windshield, creating an elliptical chip and scaring the hell out of her.
Aby clasped the steering wheel until her knuckles were lime green and used both feet to push down on the left pedal. She pulled onto the shoulder while the car still had considerable speed. When the white Honda Civic became motionless, so did Aby. A large transport truck passed, causing the car to shake. Lifting her trembling index finger, Aby touched the chip. Her skin turned dark green. She had not known glass could break, and she suddenly felt extremely vulnerable inside the white Honda Civic.
Aby got out of the car, supporting herself with the open door, and surveyed the horizon. Directly in front of her was a field where cows were chewing grass and ignoring her. Looking past them, Aby focused on a maple tree that stood by itself in the middle of the field. Taking tiny steps, she walked down the small hill betweenthe highway and the field. She noticed a series of short wooden posts standing two or three feet apart. A thin line of string connected them. It looked like the string would cause little resistance, but when she touched it, a sting more painful than that of any jellyfish went through her. Aby let go of the string. She looked at the fence. She touched it again, this time grasping it firmly, which only made the sting more painful.
Aby looked around and noticed the tall wooden poles that lined the highway. Aside from the maple tree, these were the tallest objects in sight. She crawled up the hill and made her way to the nearest pole. The poles were connected by strings far above her head. Tentatively Aby reached out her hand and lightly touched the pole with her index finger. When she felt no sting, she pushed a breath of air through her lungs, lowered herself onto her back and shimmied her body until the top of her head was firmly against the pole.
When Aquatics are overwhelmed, they seek out the tallest object in view, lie on their backs, put their heads against it and look up. The ritual is called
lítill
, and its purpose is to remind believers that they are actually quite small and, therefore, so are their problems.
Craning her neck, Aby looked up to the very top of the pole. While the height of the pole did make her feel small, she had to stare for some time before she began to believe that her problems were also small. She continued to stare. Then, knowing that if she didn’t get back inside the white Honda Civic soon she never would, Aby stood. Her steps were stumbly, but she did not fall on her way back to the car.
Starting the engine, Aby ignored the sick feeling inher stomach, put the car in gear and depressed the accelerator. The white Honda Civic gathered speed on the shoulder. Looking at the side-view mirror, Aby saw a car approaching. She still found it extremely difficult to judge the speed of objects in the distance. The car looked small in the mirror, so she pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The engine made a high whiny noise. The tires spun in the gravel. She found steering difficult. The speedometer told her that she’d reached a speed of 60 kilometres per hour. Aby knew it needed to read 100. In the rear-view mirror, the car behind her continued to approach with great speed.
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