inexplicable, and itâs vital that you not question you partnerâs judgment or feelings on this matter. Theyâre possibly at their most hurt and vulnerable right now; there will be time later for a constructive conversation about what went wrong. Listen to them, do what you can to make them feel understood, and follow their instructions about what to do next. If your partnerdoesnât know what he or she wants, then itâs time to switch activities altogetherâget a beverage, take a time out, leave the room together. Donât make a show of apologizing to your guestâthis will make your lover feel worse. Instead, inquire how your guest is feeling and then say you are going to take a break.
What if youâre the one whoâs upset? Of course, if any part of the fantasy upsets you in the first place, you should not even attempt it. But if you were excited by the idea to begin with, but once the action starts, find yourself feeling jealous, left out, abandoned, uneasy, or angryâsay so. Out loud. If you have a safe word, use itâimmediately. Donât wait to see if your feelings get worse, and donât worry about what your lover and your guest will think of you. Theyâll likely be glad you said something when you did, and your partner will have a chance to be there when you need him the most. Donât feel guilty about spoiling a good timeâif it was truly a good time you wouldnât have felt troubled. Stopping the activity is okay. You may feel that seeing your lover kiss another woman is too much for you, or that trying a threesome at all was a bad idea. Youâll have opportunities for great sexual adventures throughout your relationship: This is just one of many youâll have together.
Jealously can be like a storm that rages in and quickly subsides. If you feel comfortable later, explore your feelings about what happened. Loss and powerlessness are the main components of jealousy, and something you saw probably triggered the primal fear of losing your lover to another person. It hurts, it feels like betrayal, and it calls into question your trust in your partner. Were you feeling in danger of losing your sweetie, or was it the feeling of exclusion that triggered you? Did you feel like you needed to compete? Were you not feeling goodabout yourself in general? Take these questions to your lover, even if you donât have the answers for yourself. Talk about what you felt, what happened, and give your partner a chance to tell you how he or she feels about the situation and your concerns. Decide whether your feelings are strong enough to change your mind about experimenting with threesomes. If you both want to continue playing with the fantasy, ask your lover to help you come up with solutions, rules, or limits for handling any negative feelings that might come up again.
Adding Someone New
So youâve fantasized about it, given it serious thought, and talked it over with your loverânow what? You know you want itânow you just have to get it!
In your conversations about multiple-partner fantasies, talk about your ideal types and meeting scenarios. Discuss what qualities (like gender, looks, body type, sexual experience) attract you in order to clarify who youâre looking for. Make an agreement that youâll only play with someone whom youâre both attracted to. Be flexible with your partnerâs ideas of what is attractive, and also with what youâll find acceptable in reality. We all have a fantasy fuck in mind, but everyone knows that what happens in real life is usually quite different from what weâd imagined. And this is almost always a good thing.
Finding a suitable new partner may seem difficult, but youâll probably be surprised at how many prospects you find once you start looking. A surprising number of individuals out there prefer the safety, boundaries, and established trust that a tryst with a couple can
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