The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue

inexplicable, and it’s vital that you not question you partner’s judgment or feelings on this matter. They’re possibly at their most hurt and vulnerable right now; there will be time later for a constructive conversation about what went wrong. Listen to them, do what you can to make them feel understood, and follow their instructions about what to do next. If your partnerdoesn’t know what he or she wants, then it’s time to switch activities altogether—get a beverage, take a time out, leave the room together. Don’t make a show of apologizing to your guest—this will make your lover feel worse. Instead, inquire how your guest is feeling and then say you are going to take a break.
    What if you’re the one who’s upset? Of course, if any part of the fantasy upsets you in the first place, you should not even attempt it. But if you were excited by the idea to begin with, but once the action starts, find yourself feeling jealous, left out, abandoned, uneasy, or angry—say so. Out loud. If you have a safe word, use it—immediately. Don’t wait to see if your feelings get worse, and don’t worry about what your lover and your guest will think of you. They’ll likely be glad you said something when you did, and your partner will have a chance to be there when you need him the most. Don’t feel guilty about spoiling a good time—if it was truly a good time you wouldn’t have felt troubled. Stopping the activity is okay. You may feel that seeing your lover kiss another woman is too much for you, or that trying a threesome at all was a bad idea. You’ll have opportunities for great sexual adventures throughout your relationship: This is just one of many you’ll have together.
    Jealously can be like a storm that rages in and quickly subsides. If you feel comfortable later, explore your feelings about what happened. Loss and powerlessness are the main components of jealousy, and something you saw probably triggered the primal fear of losing your lover to another person. It hurts, it feels like betrayal, and it calls into question your trust in your partner. Were you feeling in danger of losing your sweetie, or was it the feeling of exclusion that triggered you? Did you feel like you needed to compete? Were you not feeling goodabout yourself in general? Take these questions to your lover, even if you don’t have the answers for yourself. Talk about what you felt, what happened, and give your partner a chance to tell you how he or she feels about the situation and your concerns. Decide whether your feelings are strong enough to change your mind about experimenting with threesomes. If you both want to continue playing with the fantasy, ask your lover to help you come up with solutions, rules, or limits for handling any negative feelings that might come up again.
    Adding Someone New
    So you’ve fantasized about it, given it serious thought, and talked it over with your lover—now what? You know you want it—now you just have to get it!
    In your conversations about multiple-partner fantasies, talk about your ideal types and meeting scenarios. Discuss what qualities (like gender, looks, body type, sexual experience) attract you in order to clarify who you’re looking for. Make an agreement that you’ll only play with someone whom you’re both attracted to. Be flexible with your partner’s ideas of what is attractive, and also with what you’ll find acceptable in reality. We all have a fantasy fuck in mind, but everyone knows that what happens in real life is usually quite different from what we’d imagined. And this is almost always a good thing.
    Finding a suitable new partner may seem difficult, but you’ll probably be surprised at how many prospects you find once you start looking. A surprising number of individuals out there prefer the safety, boundaries, and established trust that a tryst with a couple can