now!" It was a guess, but a good one.
“Maybe. That bottomless feeling of ”but who will take care of me now?' I think of that sometimes. Back then I knew the home would take care of me until I grew up. Now I know Peter will, and Marion's money will, until I'm all patched up. But then what?”
“What about Michael? Do you think he'll come back to you?”
“Sometimes I do. A lot of the time I do.” There was a long pause.
“And the rest of the time?”
“I'm beginning to wonder. At first I thought that maybe he was afraid of the way I'd look, the way that would make him feel about me. But by now lie knows about the surgery, and he must figure there's some improvement. So how come he's not here yet?” She turned to face Faye squarely. “That's what I wonder.”
“Do you come up with any answers to that question?”
“Nothing very pretty. Sometimes I think she's gotten to him, and convinced him that a girl from my 'unsavory background' will harm him professionally. Marion Hillyard has helped build an empire, and she's counting on Michael to carry on in the best family traditions. That doesn't include marrying a nameless nobody out of an orphange, an artist yet. She wants him to marry some debutante heiress who can do him some good.”
“Do you think that matters to him?”
“It didn't used to matter, but now … I don't know.”
“What if you lose him?”
Nancy flinched but she didn't answer. Her eyes said everything though.
“What if he didn't feel able to cope with all that you're going through? That's possible, Nancy. Some men aren't as brave as we like to think they are.”
I don't know. “Maybe he's waiting till it's all over.”
“Wouldn't you resent him then? For not being here when you need him?”
Nancy let out a long sigh in answer. “Maybe. I don't really know. I think about it all a lot, but I don't have many answers.”
“Only time has the answers. All you need to know is how you feel. That's all. How do you feel about you? The new you? Are you excited? Scared? Angry that you'll look different? Relieved?”
“All of the above.” They both laughed at her honesty. “To tell you the truth, it terrifies me. Can you imagine looking in the mirror after twenty-two years and seeing someone else there? Christ, talk about freaking out!" She laughed but there was real fear in the laughter.
“Are you freaked out?”
“Sometimes. A lot of the time I don't think about it.”
“What do you think about?”
“Honestly?”
“Sure.”
“Michael. Peter sometimes. But mostly Michael.”
“Are you falling in love with Peter?” There was no hesitation in the question. This was Dr. Allison speaking now, not Faye. She was thinking only of Nancy.
“No, I couldn't fall in love with Peter. He's a nice man, a good friend. He's sort of like the wonderful father I never had. He brings me presents all the time. But … I'm in love with Michael.”
“Well, we'll just have to see what happens.” Faye Allison looked at her watch and was amazed. The two of them had been talking for almost three hours. It was after seven o'clock. “Good Lord, do you know what time it is?” Nancy looked at her watch, too, and her eyes widened in surprise.
“Wow! How did we do that?” And then she smiled. “Will you come back and see me again sometime, Faye? Peter was right. You're a very special lady.”
“Thank you. I'd love to. In fact… Peter was thinking that we might do it on a regular basis. What do you think?”
“I think it would be wonderful to have someone to talk to, like we did today.”
“I can't always promise you three hours.” They both laughed as Nancy walked her to the door. “How about three times a week for an hour, professionally? And we can get together separately, as friends. Sound okay to you?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
They shook hands on it at the door, and Nancy was amazed to find herself already impatient for their first official session, only two days away.
Chapter
“Maybe. That bottomless feeling of ”but who will take care of me now?' I think of that sometimes. Back then I knew the home would take care of me until I grew up. Now I know Peter will, and Marion's money will, until I'm all patched up. But then what?”
“What about Michael? Do you think he'll come back to you?”
“Sometimes I do. A lot of the time I do.” There was a long pause.
“And the rest of the time?”
“I'm beginning to wonder. At first I thought that maybe he was afraid of the way I'd look, the way that would make him feel about me. But by now lie knows about the surgery, and he must figure there's some improvement. So how come he's not here yet?” She turned to face Faye squarely. “That's what I wonder.”
“Do you come up with any answers to that question?”
“Nothing very pretty. Sometimes I think she's gotten to him, and convinced him that a girl from my 'unsavory background' will harm him professionally. Marion Hillyard has helped build an empire, and she's counting on Michael to carry on in the best family traditions. That doesn't include marrying a nameless nobody out of an orphange, an artist yet. She wants him to marry some debutante heiress who can do him some good.”
“Do you think that matters to him?”
“It didn't used to matter, but now … I don't know.”
“What if you lose him?”
Nancy flinched but she didn't answer. Her eyes said everything though.
“What if he didn't feel able to cope with all that you're going through? That's possible, Nancy. Some men aren't as brave as we like to think they are.”
I don't know. “Maybe he's waiting till it's all over.”
“Wouldn't you resent him then? For not being here when you need him?”
Nancy let out a long sigh in answer. “Maybe. I don't really know. I think about it all a lot, but I don't have many answers.”
“Only time has the answers. All you need to know is how you feel. That's all. How do you feel about you? The new you? Are you excited? Scared? Angry that you'll look different? Relieved?”
“All of the above.” They both laughed at her honesty. “To tell you the truth, it terrifies me. Can you imagine looking in the mirror after twenty-two years and seeing someone else there? Christ, talk about freaking out!" She laughed but there was real fear in the laughter.
“Are you freaked out?”
“Sometimes. A lot of the time I don't think about it.”
“What do you think about?”
“Honestly?”
“Sure.”
“Michael. Peter sometimes. But mostly Michael.”
“Are you falling in love with Peter?” There was no hesitation in the question. This was Dr. Allison speaking now, not Faye. She was thinking only of Nancy.
“No, I couldn't fall in love with Peter. He's a nice man, a good friend. He's sort of like the wonderful father I never had. He brings me presents all the time. But … I'm in love with Michael.”
“Well, we'll just have to see what happens.” Faye Allison looked at her watch and was amazed. The two of them had been talking for almost three hours. It was after seven o'clock. “Good Lord, do you know what time it is?” Nancy looked at her watch, too, and her eyes widened in surprise.
“Wow! How did we do that?” And then she smiled. “Will you come back and see me again sometime, Faye? Peter was right. You're a very special lady.”
“Thank you. I'd love to. In fact… Peter was thinking that we might do it on a regular basis. What do you think?”
“I think it would be wonderful to have someone to talk to, like we did today.”
“I can't always promise you three hours.” They both laughed as Nancy walked her to the door. “How about three times a week for an hour, professionally? And we can get together separately, as friends. Sound okay to you?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
They shook hands on it at the door, and Nancy was amazed to find herself already impatient for their first official session, only two days away.
Chapter