want to lose. She’s like a sister to me, but she knows me. She knows what I deserve.
“London—I think you should just think about this… how he will react to your decision. Ace is just a little lost right now. It’s expected after what happened to him. He’s damaged. Not saying you shouldn’t be cautious, but you can’t just abandon him like he never meant anything to you.”
I whip my head up, pushing Aden back a few steps as rage ignites me. “Bianca, you are out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to be the one crawling back. Ace has always been damaged. That’s nothing new.”
Her bright brown eyes widen, reminding me of his . My heart shatters a little, my soul shrivels, but I continue. I have to be strong. For myself. For my son. No matter how much my heart may ache, this is what has to be done. I’ve come to my decision, and that decision is to put myself before him.
“If only you’d seen the look on his face when I asked him if he was going back. If only you were there when I stormed to the house, expecting him to come running after me to comfort me but instead receiving nothing but emptiness.” I step back, lifting my hands and waving them before me, defeated. My heart thumps in my chest, more tears filling the brink of my eyes. Hers glisten. “If only you knew how much this decision hurts me and how hard I thought it through. I can’t go back, Bianca. He’ll just keep seeking power wherever he can get it. He’ll keep going back over the dumbest things and I can’t keep forgiving him. I’m doing what’s best for everyone. He’s better off alone if he thinks that’s what comes first.”
Baffled and unusually silent, Bianca lowers her head and stares at her lap. She has nothing to say which is good because I don’t want to argue. She usually seeks the last word, but not this time. She knows I’m right about him. It was her idea for me to think things through before just diving in again. I guess she didn’t think I’d drop him entirely.
I turn around, holding onto my son’s hand and making my way to the exit. “Call me when you’re back in Washington,” I tell her before walking out the door and to the car.
I strap Aden in his car seat and shut the door behind him, but before I make my way to the driver’s door, I take a deep breath, fighting the wave of emotion. I’ve never argued with Bianca before. I’ve never hurt her or tried to put her down, but today is a first, and I feel awful. It hurts, and I know she won’t call me when she’s in Washington because even though it seems she’s strong, she’s not.
She can be weak, and she can hurt at any given moment, just like me. She’ll cry. She’ll feel bad, but despite it all, she’ll understand. And that’s all I want. Her understanding. Her acceptance. She, of all people, should know where I’m coming from, especially after the way she left him in New York.
“Is Auntie Yanca okay?” Aden asks as I shut the car door behind me.
I look in the rearview mirror, nodding. “Yeah, sweetie. She’s fine.” I start the car, looking towards the coffee shop. I spot her with her elbows on the table, a hand pinching the bridge of her nose and her head moving back and forth, obviously upset. “She’ll be fine,” I murmur.
***
After spending a few glorious hours at the beach and coming home to freshen up, I drop Aden off at daycare, take out my grocery list, and make my way inside the market. I pull a buggy from the cluster as the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread and cakes bathe my senses.
For once, my mind is clear, and I can thank the beach for that. An escape. The perfect place to soak up some sun, read a romantic book, and relax. The weather was perfect, and after my mildly heated moment with Bianca earlier, I needed to let loose. Relaxing was best. Aden was onto me. I had to prove to him that I was okay—that his mommy wasn’t losing it.
I push down the aisle, grabbing item after item while radio hits
“London—I think you should just think about this… how he will react to your decision. Ace is just a little lost right now. It’s expected after what happened to him. He’s damaged. Not saying you shouldn’t be cautious, but you can’t just abandon him like he never meant anything to you.”
I whip my head up, pushing Aden back a few steps as rage ignites me. “Bianca, you are out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to be the one crawling back. Ace has always been damaged. That’s nothing new.”
Her bright brown eyes widen, reminding me of his . My heart shatters a little, my soul shrivels, but I continue. I have to be strong. For myself. For my son. No matter how much my heart may ache, this is what has to be done. I’ve come to my decision, and that decision is to put myself before him.
“If only you’d seen the look on his face when I asked him if he was going back. If only you were there when I stormed to the house, expecting him to come running after me to comfort me but instead receiving nothing but emptiness.” I step back, lifting my hands and waving them before me, defeated. My heart thumps in my chest, more tears filling the brink of my eyes. Hers glisten. “If only you knew how much this decision hurts me and how hard I thought it through. I can’t go back, Bianca. He’ll just keep seeking power wherever he can get it. He’ll keep going back over the dumbest things and I can’t keep forgiving him. I’m doing what’s best for everyone. He’s better off alone if he thinks that’s what comes first.”
Baffled and unusually silent, Bianca lowers her head and stares at her lap. She has nothing to say which is good because I don’t want to argue. She usually seeks the last word, but not this time. She knows I’m right about him. It was her idea for me to think things through before just diving in again. I guess she didn’t think I’d drop him entirely.
I turn around, holding onto my son’s hand and making my way to the exit. “Call me when you’re back in Washington,” I tell her before walking out the door and to the car.
I strap Aden in his car seat and shut the door behind him, but before I make my way to the driver’s door, I take a deep breath, fighting the wave of emotion. I’ve never argued with Bianca before. I’ve never hurt her or tried to put her down, but today is a first, and I feel awful. It hurts, and I know she won’t call me when she’s in Washington because even though it seems she’s strong, she’s not.
She can be weak, and she can hurt at any given moment, just like me. She’ll cry. She’ll feel bad, but despite it all, she’ll understand. And that’s all I want. Her understanding. Her acceptance. She, of all people, should know where I’m coming from, especially after the way she left him in New York.
“Is Auntie Yanca okay?” Aden asks as I shut the car door behind me.
I look in the rearview mirror, nodding. “Yeah, sweetie. She’s fine.” I start the car, looking towards the coffee shop. I spot her with her elbows on the table, a hand pinching the bridge of her nose and her head moving back and forth, obviously upset. “She’ll be fine,” I murmur.
***
After spending a few glorious hours at the beach and coming home to freshen up, I drop Aden off at daycare, take out my grocery list, and make my way inside the market. I pull a buggy from the cluster as the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread and cakes bathe my senses.
For once, my mind is clear, and I can thank the beach for that. An escape. The perfect place to soak up some sun, read a romantic book, and relax. The weather was perfect, and after my mildly heated moment with Bianca earlier, I needed to let loose. Relaxing was best. Aden was onto me. I had to prove to him that I was okay—that his mommy wasn’t losing it.
I push down the aisle, grabbing item after item while radio hits
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