ran. You’re not wearing sneakers under that gown, are you?”
“Not at all. They wouldn’t go together,” I teased. “No, really, I should have trusted you then, and I do trust you now. Sorry if I’m slow. Opening up to people is not a skill of mine.”
“No rush. I’m a pretty patient person.”
I couldn’t take the eye contact anymore, so I focused on the board, watching his hands hover above the grid.
“As for how you feel about Neena,” Hale went on, “even if she did have to leave, that wouldn’t make her less of a friend any more than it makes Ahren less of your brother. You might have to work harder to keep in touch, but if you love them as much as you say, it’ll be worth it.”
“I know that’s true,” I admitted. “It’s already pretty difficult for me to make friends, seeing as I don’t get out much. So I kind of need to keep the ones I have.”
Hale chuckled, and I missed what he did on the board. “Well, I just want to go on record and say that even if you don’t choose me, you have my friendship for life, and I’ll be on a plane to Angeles in a heartbeat if you ever need me.”
I smiled. “Something every day.”
He nodded. “Every day.”
“I really needed to hear that. Thank you.” I sat up taller and began to plan my next move. “What about you? Who’s your best friend?”
“Actually, I was interrogated over this a few weeks ago, just after Burke left. My best friend is a girl, and they thought I was writing to ‘my girlfriend back home.’ Let me tell you, it was humiliating to ask her to get on the phone with a guard and explain that we’d never,
ever
been romantically involved.”
I bit my lip, glad he could see the humor in it. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s fine. Carrie got a kick out of it, actually.”
“Well, I’m happy she took it in stride.” I cleared my throat. “But now I have to ask, have you really never had a crush on her?”
“No!” He almost shuddered. “Carrie’s like a sister to me. The thought of kissing her just feels wrong.”
I put my hands up in front of me, startled by how offended he was. “Okay. I don’t have to worry about Carrie. Got it.”
“Sorry.” The disgust in his face shifted to a shy smile. “It’s just that I’ve been asked that a million times. Other friends, our parents … it’s like everyone has always wanted us to be together, and I don’t feel anything like that for her.”
“I get that. Sometimes it seems like everyone wants me to pick Kile just because we grew up together. Like that alone is enough to guarantee you’ll fall in love.”
“Well, the difference there is that you actually have feelings for Kile. Anyone watching could tell.” He fiddled with a discarded pawn.
I looked at my lap. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I think the only way to stay sane through all this is to remember that you’re the one leading this, and you’re the one who decides where we stand. The only thing any of us can do is be ourselves.”
“Where do you think you stand exactly?”
He gave me a small smile. “I don’t know. Somewhere in the middle?”
I shook my head. “You’re doing better than that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
His smile faded a little. “That’s kind of amazing, but also scary. There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with winning this.”
I nodded. “Tons.”
“I guess I never really stopped to think about that. But with you really being in charge these days, it’s a little … overwhelming.”
I stared at him, feeling certain I had to be misunderstanding something. “You’re not trying to back out, are you?”
“No,” he said, continuing to roll the pawn in his hand. “I’m just coming face-to-face with how big this is. I’m sure your mom had moments like this, too.”
He was uncharacteristically sharp, and this seemed to run deeper than his frustration about Carrie. As I continued, trying to keep my tone even,
“Not at all. They wouldn’t go together,” I teased. “No, really, I should have trusted you then, and I do trust you now. Sorry if I’m slow. Opening up to people is not a skill of mine.”
“No rush. I’m a pretty patient person.”
I couldn’t take the eye contact anymore, so I focused on the board, watching his hands hover above the grid.
“As for how you feel about Neena,” Hale went on, “even if she did have to leave, that wouldn’t make her less of a friend any more than it makes Ahren less of your brother. You might have to work harder to keep in touch, but if you love them as much as you say, it’ll be worth it.”
“I know that’s true,” I admitted. “It’s already pretty difficult for me to make friends, seeing as I don’t get out much. So I kind of need to keep the ones I have.”
Hale chuckled, and I missed what he did on the board. “Well, I just want to go on record and say that even if you don’t choose me, you have my friendship for life, and I’ll be on a plane to Angeles in a heartbeat if you ever need me.”
I smiled. “Something every day.”
He nodded. “Every day.”
“I really needed to hear that. Thank you.” I sat up taller and began to plan my next move. “What about you? Who’s your best friend?”
“Actually, I was interrogated over this a few weeks ago, just after Burke left. My best friend is a girl, and they thought I was writing to ‘my girlfriend back home.’ Let me tell you, it was humiliating to ask her to get on the phone with a guard and explain that we’d never,
ever
been romantically involved.”
I bit my lip, glad he could see the humor in it. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s fine. Carrie got a kick out of it, actually.”
“Well, I’m happy she took it in stride.” I cleared my throat. “But now I have to ask, have you really never had a crush on her?”
“No!” He almost shuddered. “Carrie’s like a sister to me. The thought of kissing her just feels wrong.”
I put my hands up in front of me, startled by how offended he was. “Okay. I don’t have to worry about Carrie. Got it.”
“Sorry.” The disgust in his face shifted to a shy smile. “It’s just that I’ve been asked that a million times. Other friends, our parents … it’s like everyone has always wanted us to be together, and I don’t feel anything like that for her.”
“I get that. Sometimes it seems like everyone wants me to pick Kile just because we grew up together. Like that alone is enough to guarantee you’ll fall in love.”
“Well, the difference there is that you actually have feelings for Kile. Anyone watching could tell.” He fiddled with a discarded pawn.
I looked at my lap. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I think the only way to stay sane through all this is to remember that you’re the one leading this, and you’re the one who decides where we stand. The only thing any of us can do is be ourselves.”
“Where do you think you stand exactly?”
He gave me a small smile. “I don’t know. Somewhere in the middle?”
I shook my head. “You’re doing better than that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
His smile faded a little. “That’s kind of amazing, but also scary. There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with winning this.”
I nodded. “Tons.”
“I guess I never really stopped to think about that. But with you really being in charge these days, it’s a little … overwhelming.”
I stared at him, feeling certain I had to be misunderstanding something. “You’re not trying to back out, are you?”
“No,” he said, continuing to roll the pawn in his hand. “I’m just coming face-to-face with how big this is. I’m sure your mom had moments like this, too.”
He was uncharacteristically sharp, and this seemed to run deeper than his frustration about Carrie. As I continued, trying to keep my tone even,
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