my classes and he gives me some tips about some of my accounting classes. Then I decide to tackle one of the things on my mental list. I ask him about getting a house with the girls for next year; however I leave out about moving in there this summer. He says he’ll think about it and come up after break to check it out. I breathe out and feel that consistent feeling of relief that floods me every time I don’t hold back. These are small steps in my progress. I don’t meet with the therapist this week, but I know I have to continue to push myself forward.
I sit outside with dad until he finishes grilling. The sun is setting now, which means the air has turned cool. Mom has set up the breakfast counter as a buffet with condiments and a couple salads she’s made. We all pile our plates up and sit at the kitchen table just like we used to. Dad cracks open a beer and I’m relieved to see mom is drinking coke just like me and Daniel.
In therapy we’ve talked a little about how she turned to drinking and narcotics. It’s really difficult for me to comprehend this about my mom. I never saw her drink and neither did my dad. She was functional as the doctor has said until she couldn’t function any longer. Then she fled… away from my dad, Daniel and me .
After we’ve finished eating I help my mom clean up and dad heads outside to clean his grill. Daniel is sitting in the family room texting with his girlfriend probably. Once everything is cleaned up I head upstairs to bring my bags up.
Slowly, I open the door to my bedroom and sigh for a moment. This room has a mixture of happy and sad memories. I try not to think about how depressed I got after I came back here last year. I drop my bags and start to unpack my toiletries. Then I start to hear a song coming from my phone. I reach into my purse to pull it out and see Reed’s number lit across the screen. My heart jumps. The song is familiar, but I can’t quite name it. It’s older, but I’m sure I’ve heard it before, probably from my dad. Before I slide my finger across to answer I hear the beautiful strum of the guitar and the words…
You know there's nowhere else
I've wanted to be
Than be there when you need me
“Hi,” I say softly.
“I miss you.” Reed’s voice has a raspy and deep sound to it. I can’t stop my heart from fluttering rapidly at the sound of his words. A blush creeps up and settles on my cheeks. My breath hitches and I move one of my cool hands to press it against one of my cheeks. “I’m imagining your blush right now.” He says on a deep throaty chuckle.
“How do you know?”
“It was a good guess, but I love when you blush. As a matter of fact I strive to make you blush as often as I can.”
“Hmmm. Well, I miss you too,” I pause for a moment to gain some courage to confess my next confession. “You were right too?”
“About?”
“Waiting.”
“Waiting for what, Katherine? I want to hear you say it.” I know I’m turning bright red now.
“You know,” I whisper.
“Say it anyway.” He pleads and for some reason a tingly sensation grips me in my gut as I press my legs together.
“You were right to make us wait to… you know, have sex again.” My chest is tight, but I force a breath out, as I hold the phone crushingly tight in my hand against my ear.
“Mmmm, it’s not what I wanted trust me, but I’m already missing you too damn much. That would only intensify it.” I agree, but I don’t respond. Embarrassment and a little anticipation about the possibility fill my mind. I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip for a moment and then release my lip to talk again.
“What song is that?”
“It’s called Closer to You by The Wallflowers . It’s an older song, but the words make me think of you.”
“I’ve heard of them. I think my dad liked them. Isn’t the singer Bob Dylan’s son?”
“Yeah, I’m impressed. I can play it on guitar.”
“Really? Do you sing
I sit outside with dad until he finishes grilling. The sun is setting now, which means the air has turned cool. Mom has set up the breakfast counter as a buffet with condiments and a couple salads she’s made. We all pile our plates up and sit at the kitchen table just like we used to. Dad cracks open a beer and I’m relieved to see mom is drinking coke just like me and Daniel.
In therapy we’ve talked a little about how she turned to drinking and narcotics. It’s really difficult for me to comprehend this about my mom. I never saw her drink and neither did my dad. She was functional as the doctor has said until she couldn’t function any longer. Then she fled… away from my dad, Daniel and me .
After we’ve finished eating I help my mom clean up and dad heads outside to clean his grill. Daniel is sitting in the family room texting with his girlfriend probably. Once everything is cleaned up I head upstairs to bring my bags up.
Slowly, I open the door to my bedroom and sigh for a moment. This room has a mixture of happy and sad memories. I try not to think about how depressed I got after I came back here last year. I drop my bags and start to unpack my toiletries. Then I start to hear a song coming from my phone. I reach into my purse to pull it out and see Reed’s number lit across the screen. My heart jumps. The song is familiar, but I can’t quite name it. It’s older, but I’m sure I’ve heard it before, probably from my dad. Before I slide my finger across to answer I hear the beautiful strum of the guitar and the words…
You know there's nowhere else
I've wanted to be
Than be there when you need me
“Hi,” I say softly.
“I miss you.” Reed’s voice has a raspy and deep sound to it. I can’t stop my heart from fluttering rapidly at the sound of his words. A blush creeps up and settles on my cheeks. My breath hitches and I move one of my cool hands to press it against one of my cheeks. “I’m imagining your blush right now.” He says on a deep throaty chuckle.
“How do you know?”
“It was a good guess, but I love when you blush. As a matter of fact I strive to make you blush as often as I can.”
“Hmmm. Well, I miss you too,” I pause for a moment to gain some courage to confess my next confession. “You were right too?”
“About?”
“Waiting.”
“Waiting for what, Katherine? I want to hear you say it.” I know I’m turning bright red now.
“You know,” I whisper.
“Say it anyway.” He pleads and for some reason a tingly sensation grips me in my gut as I press my legs together.
“You were right to make us wait to… you know, have sex again.” My chest is tight, but I force a breath out, as I hold the phone crushingly tight in my hand against my ear.
“Mmmm, it’s not what I wanted trust me, but I’m already missing you too damn much. That would only intensify it.” I agree, but I don’t respond. Embarrassment and a little anticipation about the possibility fill my mind. I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip for a moment and then release my lip to talk again.
“What song is that?”
“It’s called Closer to You by The Wallflowers . It’s an older song, but the words make me think of you.”
“I’ve heard of them. I think my dad liked them. Isn’t the singer Bob Dylan’s son?”
“Yeah, I’m impressed. I can play it on guitar.”
“Really? Do you sing
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