millions.’
‘Really Jeffrey.’
‘It’s the truth my dear girl. I didn’t have a pot to piss in. And I was at the end of a long reception line, bloody family going through their stuffy formalities. I thought I’d sit down on a chair behind me, roped off it was, well I put aside the rope and sat down, damn chair went to dust beneath me old boy, and I made a grab for a tapestry just behind to save myself from a broken arse. Ruddy big carpet went the whole length of the ballroom wall on a big brass rail. The entire works came down on Gail’s whole family in one antique explosion of dust, didn’t the tribe of them think the other was trying to kill them, buried as they were thelot of them punching around in the dark, it made me sick with laughter.’
‘Really Jeffrey.’
‘Got old Gail here in the end worth a packet, aren’t you. I supply the lineage she supplies the mullah.’
‘What will you have to drink Mrs Macfugger.’
‘As a matter of fact old boy it’s Lady Macfugger.’
‘O.’
‘And my dear chap you’re a Prince, but we won’t stand on ceremony. Just call me Nails. My old army name. Got when I won a bet lying down on a bed of nails this ruddy wog was having up his backside. Got right down there in my birthday suit. Won a fiver. Gail will have a sherry, I’ll have a port.’
Percival giving a little nod of the head. Nails perusing among the books. As Gail stands her hands neatly folded over yellow gloves, a smile on her smooth wind tanned features. A gold pin and pearl in the silk white scarf at her throat and a sparkle in her light blue eyes. She lifts her chin and displays a delicate adam’s apple. Nails pulls down a book.
‘Many’s the time as a little chap I went searching in these damn tomes looking for smut. Got my nose into those geographical magazines, the tits on those blacks standing around their camp fires in flagrant ruddy nudity. Couldn’t wait to get out of sight of my nannie to have a good beat off.’
‘Please Jeffrey.’
‘Old Clementine here’s a man of the world. Isn’t that right.’
‘Well I think so.’
‘I should ruddy well hope so. We’re going to put some life back into this area. By the way, Gail why don’t you ask if we can have the hunt ball here in the Charnel. Great place in the past. What about it Clementine.’
‘Well I suppose so.’
‘That’s the boy, by jove that’ll be a night to remember. Arrive in the state coach over the mountain. By God we’dget some wenches up in the towers in the old days and let them have it back sides and front. The old dungeons down there were packed solid with wickedness. Even Gail there got a little saucy, pranged her on the way home in the carriage over the back seat.’
‘Jeffrey.’
‘The horses pounding over the roads, two of us flung about the place, damned thrilling nuisance trying to keep it in, she hasn’t been as juicy as that since.’
‘I do think Jeffrey you’ve said quite adequate and if you don’t stop I shall put my foot down.’
‘Drawers down woman would be damn sight more welcome. Quite amusing I married her for her money and found out she was beautiful later. By God with prices of everything soaring a person can’t keep a decent household. Down to four gardeners, eight grooms. Sacked my game keeper ruddy chap tried to shoot me. Took the whip to him, put a few scalds across his arse he won’t forget. Whole countryside is crawling with rascals. But by the way just between us, couldn’t help seeing three of your men out there nosing around by the old boxwood maze, looked suspicious characters to me.’
‘Glad you said that Jeffrey I didn’t like the look of them either.’
‘They’re travellers who requested hospitality.’
‘That explains it, transients. Can’t be too careful you know. Want to let them have what for straight off, louts and chancers. Catch them shooting my pheasant, taking my salmon. I get out there at dawn with a hamper of breakfast. Blast hell out of
‘Really Jeffrey.’
‘It’s the truth my dear girl. I didn’t have a pot to piss in. And I was at the end of a long reception line, bloody family going through their stuffy formalities. I thought I’d sit down on a chair behind me, roped off it was, well I put aside the rope and sat down, damn chair went to dust beneath me old boy, and I made a grab for a tapestry just behind to save myself from a broken arse. Ruddy big carpet went the whole length of the ballroom wall on a big brass rail. The entire works came down on Gail’s whole family in one antique explosion of dust, didn’t the tribe of them think the other was trying to kill them, buried as they were thelot of them punching around in the dark, it made me sick with laughter.’
‘Really Jeffrey.’
‘Got old Gail here in the end worth a packet, aren’t you. I supply the lineage she supplies the mullah.’
‘What will you have to drink Mrs Macfugger.’
‘As a matter of fact old boy it’s Lady Macfugger.’
‘O.’
‘And my dear chap you’re a Prince, but we won’t stand on ceremony. Just call me Nails. My old army name. Got when I won a bet lying down on a bed of nails this ruddy wog was having up his backside. Got right down there in my birthday suit. Won a fiver. Gail will have a sherry, I’ll have a port.’
Percival giving a little nod of the head. Nails perusing among the books. As Gail stands her hands neatly folded over yellow gloves, a smile on her smooth wind tanned features. A gold pin and pearl in the silk white scarf at her throat and a sparkle in her light blue eyes. She lifts her chin and displays a delicate adam’s apple. Nails pulls down a book.
‘Many’s the time as a little chap I went searching in these damn tomes looking for smut. Got my nose into those geographical magazines, the tits on those blacks standing around their camp fires in flagrant ruddy nudity. Couldn’t wait to get out of sight of my nannie to have a good beat off.’
‘Please Jeffrey.’
‘Old Clementine here’s a man of the world. Isn’t that right.’
‘Well I think so.’
‘I should ruddy well hope so. We’re going to put some life back into this area. By the way, Gail why don’t you ask if we can have the hunt ball here in the Charnel. Great place in the past. What about it Clementine.’
‘Well I suppose so.’
‘That’s the boy, by jove that’ll be a night to remember. Arrive in the state coach over the mountain. By God we’dget some wenches up in the towers in the old days and let them have it back sides and front. The old dungeons down there were packed solid with wickedness. Even Gail there got a little saucy, pranged her on the way home in the carriage over the back seat.’
‘Jeffrey.’
‘The horses pounding over the roads, two of us flung about the place, damned thrilling nuisance trying to keep it in, she hasn’t been as juicy as that since.’
‘I do think Jeffrey you’ve said quite adequate and if you don’t stop I shall put my foot down.’
‘Drawers down woman would be damn sight more welcome. Quite amusing I married her for her money and found out she was beautiful later. By God with prices of everything soaring a person can’t keep a decent household. Down to four gardeners, eight grooms. Sacked my game keeper ruddy chap tried to shoot me. Took the whip to him, put a few scalds across his arse he won’t forget. Whole countryside is crawling with rascals. But by the way just between us, couldn’t help seeing three of your men out there nosing around by the old boxwood maze, looked suspicious characters to me.’
‘Glad you said that Jeffrey I didn’t like the look of them either.’
‘They’re travellers who requested hospitality.’
‘That explains it, transients. Can’t be too careful you know. Want to let them have what for straight off, louts and chancers. Catch them shooting my pheasant, taking my salmon. I get out there at dawn with a hamper of breakfast. Blast hell out of
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