will
happen?”
“What?” Phoenix
asked the trees.
“You will
explode. And the explosion doesn’t happen like a kaboom explosion all the time, either. It can happen on the inside, where all
the things that used to work well together just come apart. And when that happens, we do all kinds of things to keep it all together that never work.”
“Like what?”
she asked, leaning close. For the first time in several minutes, Phoenix
forgot the problems with her face and focused on the problems in her
heart. She let her eyes meet his briefly before looking down at her
knees.
“With all your
training, you already know this. We can become overwhelmed and depressed
and stop eating or in some cases start overeating. We can stop taking
care of our responsibilities or our bodies. We end up using different
habits to bring us comfort. We end up in relationships we shouldn’t have
gotten into or overspend on things we don’t need. We humans keep coming
up with new ways to explode.”
A strained
“yeah” was all Phoenix could manage. It took me eleven years of
psychology education to learn what he just summed up in ten seconds.
Silence.
“Phoenix,”
Paulo’s rough, grainy, but melodious voice caused Phoenix to jump. “Let’s
walk.”
With that, he
grabbed her hand, stood, and pulled her until she was on her feet. Unable
to bear the tingle in her palm, Phoenix pulled her hand away and shoved it into
her pocket. Paulo grinned as his own hand tingled. And together
they began to walk the park in silence. The air was thick, hot, and
moist, making the New York August air taste like soup, while sounds of whizzing
cars, booming radios, playing children, and wailing sirens seasoned it.
Phoenix walked
next to the stranger whose shoulder remained close to her head. Wow,
he is tall. Cedric was tall too. Phoenix bit her lip to stay
its weighty tremble.
“What are you
thinking about?” Paulo touched her arm again.
“Why you’re
being so nice to me. I mean, who does that anywhere in New York City
these days? I’ve seen men walk by old women who have fallen and broken a
hip in the middle of oncoming traffic. You see me crying on the bench
like a crazy woman and you stop and take a walk with me? Just wondering
why, is all.” And this is the second time you’ve been so nice.
Paulo
laughed. “Yes, when you say it like that, it seems…strange.”
Phoenix saw the quick rise and fall of his shoulders. The carefree shrug
made her relax a little more. “Who knows? Maybe I am just the
answer to your prayers.”
Phoenix stopped
moving. “What? Why do you say that?” she asked, the suspicion
causing an unnatural rise and fall to the cadence of her words. Did he
hear me pray as he was jogging past?
“I don’t
know. You asked why I came over to see about you and I was just saying
maybe there is a reason, that’s all.” Paulo stopped to look down on
her. “Maybe I owe you for not helping you with your fifty bags that night
we first bumped into each other a couple of weeks back. Remember?”
“Oh, that was
you?” He does remember , Phoenix thought, as her stomach flooded with
delight.
Paulo chuckled
as he resumed his carefree stride. “Oh? You didn’t recognize me,
huh? Well, it was me. But listen, I cannot speak for everyone in
New York, or even everyone in Washington Heights. I can only speak for
myself. What kind of man would I be if I’djust kept
running when I pass a nice, young woman sitting on a park bench, crying her
eyes out?”
Phoenix’s heart
began a jagged rhythm. “Nice young woman? How do you know I am a
nice young woman?
Paulo stopped
again and turned to Phoenix with a smile that dimmed the light of the blazing
sun above them. “Because you don’t cry like that unless your heart is
filled with love and kindness. You have to be able to love or care about
others before you can be hurt and disappointed
happen?”
“What?” Phoenix
asked the trees.
“You will
explode. And the explosion doesn’t happen like a kaboom explosion all the time, either. It can happen on the inside, where all
the things that used to work well together just come apart. And when that happens, we do all kinds of things to keep it all together that never work.”
“Like what?”
she asked, leaning close. For the first time in several minutes, Phoenix
forgot the problems with her face and focused on the problems in her
heart. She let her eyes meet his briefly before looking down at her
knees.
“With all your
training, you already know this. We can become overwhelmed and depressed
and stop eating or in some cases start overeating. We can stop taking
care of our responsibilities or our bodies. We end up using different
habits to bring us comfort. We end up in relationships we shouldn’t have
gotten into or overspend on things we don’t need. We humans keep coming
up with new ways to explode.”
A strained
“yeah” was all Phoenix could manage. It took me eleven years of
psychology education to learn what he just summed up in ten seconds.
Silence.
“Phoenix,”
Paulo’s rough, grainy, but melodious voice caused Phoenix to jump. “Let’s
walk.”
With that, he
grabbed her hand, stood, and pulled her until she was on her feet. Unable
to bear the tingle in her palm, Phoenix pulled her hand away and shoved it into
her pocket. Paulo grinned as his own hand tingled. And together
they began to walk the park in silence. The air was thick, hot, and
moist, making the New York August air taste like soup, while sounds of whizzing
cars, booming radios, playing children, and wailing sirens seasoned it.
Phoenix walked
next to the stranger whose shoulder remained close to her head. Wow,
he is tall. Cedric was tall too. Phoenix bit her lip to stay
its weighty tremble.
“What are you
thinking about?” Paulo touched her arm again.
“Why you’re
being so nice to me. I mean, who does that anywhere in New York City
these days? I’ve seen men walk by old women who have fallen and broken a
hip in the middle of oncoming traffic. You see me crying on the bench
like a crazy woman and you stop and take a walk with me? Just wondering
why, is all.” And this is the second time you’ve been so nice.
Paulo
laughed. “Yes, when you say it like that, it seems…strange.”
Phoenix saw the quick rise and fall of his shoulders. The carefree shrug
made her relax a little more. “Who knows? Maybe I am just the
answer to your prayers.”
Phoenix stopped
moving. “What? Why do you say that?” she asked, the suspicion
causing an unnatural rise and fall to the cadence of her words. Did he
hear me pray as he was jogging past?
“I don’t
know. You asked why I came over to see about you and I was just saying
maybe there is a reason, that’s all.” Paulo stopped to look down on
her. “Maybe I owe you for not helping you with your fifty bags that night
we first bumped into each other a couple of weeks back. Remember?”
“Oh, that was
you?” He does remember , Phoenix thought, as her stomach flooded with
delight.
Paulo chuckled
as he resumed his carefree stride. “Oh? You didn’t recognize me,
huh? Well, it was me. But listen, I cannot speak for everyone in
New York, or even everyone in Washington Heights. I can only speak for
myself. What kind of man would I be if I’djust kept
running when I pass a nice, young woman sitting on a park bench, crying her
eyes out?”
Phoenix’s heart
began a jagged rhythm. “Nice young woman? How do you know I am a
nice young woman?
Paulo stopped
again and turned to Phoenix with a smile that dimmed the light of the blazing
sun above them. “Because you don’t cry like that unless your heart is
filled with love and kindness. You have to be able to love or care about
others before you can be hurt and disappointed
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