The Makeover by Vacirca Vaughn Page A

by them.  It’s when you
don’t cry about heart break that you become careless and cruel…bitter.
    Phoenix’s mind
wandered to both Cedric and her mother.  They had both allowed their eyes
to shine with tears that they had refused to let fall.   “Bitter,
huh?”
    “Or cruel and
careless.”
    “He was.”
    Paulo turned to
face the gravel stretching out before them.  Somehow he knew, instinctively,
that if he continued to watch Phoenix, she would again become self-conscious
about sharing the story she was determined to keep bottled up inside.
    “Who was?”
Paulo asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the flow of information.
    “Cedric, my ex- fiance .  We were supposed to be getting married
exactly one month and two weeks from today.  He was my everything and I
mean that literally because for him, I did everything, dealt with everything,
gave him everything, and expected everything.  He was a hottie , that dude, beautiful copper-colored skin, muscles
covered by tattoos, almost as tall as you.  He had been out of work but he
had a college degree.  He was funny and sexy.  He adored his son and
said he adored me too.”
    “Sounds like a
winner.”
    Phoenix snorted
then wished immediately that she could rewind three seconds.  “Um, he
was.  He won me over.  He won use of my apartment, my car, and my
funds.  He won my trust, and my love.  He won a potential second mom
for his small son, and a won a fool for a woman.  He admitted to me that
he was using me—after I caught him cheating in our home.  He said that he
had wanted to fall in love with me but couldn’t because of the way….I am.”
    “You mean he
admitted he couldn’t fall in love with you after asking you to marry him?
    “Right…”
Phoenix trailed off.  She didn’t want to mention that her ex-man found her
ugly.  She was afraid that if she brought it up, Paulo would be forced to
focus on it to. 
    Silence was held
between them for a few more minutes.  Without looking at her, Paulo
continued.  “You know I have to ask, don’t you, Phoenix?” his voice was as
soothing as freshly laundered sheets during a scorching summer night.
    “Ask what?”
Phoenix’s stomach seized.  Please don’t make me admit that my fiancé
told me I am ugly.
    “If I don’t
ask, you won’t let it out of your system.  I know it hurts, but…”
    “What? 
What?”  Phoenix stopped walking and crossed her arms.  “What? You
want me to say what he thought I was?  You want me to say out loud that
the man I loved didn’t… couldn’t love me because I am…because he found me…”
    Fresh tears
spilled down her cheeks.  She dug around her bag for a tissue to wipe her
cheeks and nose.
    “Here use
this,” Paulo said in a voice only two steps up from a whisper.  He handed
her the tee shirt he had worn around his shoulders.
    “Thanks.”
Phoenix snatched the shirt and wiped her face.  She was about to hand it
to him.  “Um, I don’t think you want this back.”
    “Uh, no, keep
it.  I have another one in my car nearby.  You never know when you
have to lend it to a girl to wipe snot off her face.”
    Phoenix laughed
through the tears and it felt good, caused the pounding in her forehead to
lessen degree by degree.  “Funny.”
    Paulo
chuckled.  “Let’s walk.”
    They continued
to walk the perimeter of the park.  The soothing sounds of the birds
chirping and the silence between them soothed Phoenix’s pain.
    “He said I was
ugly.  That I was fat,” she blurted out.  “He said he tried to love
me because I was a good woman, on the inside, but that he couldn’t get
past my looks.”
    Paulo huffed
and stopped.  “Oh, Phoenix.  That’s despicable.  I am sorry.”
    Phoenix was
already shaking her head.  “Nope.  Stop it.  No pity, alright,
Paulo?  I brought it on myself.  I mean how could I have thought a
man that looked like him would want someone like me, unless he needed something? 
He surely didn’t want me, but he