or whatever like. If it was a deer I wouldn’t give a fuck. I wouldn’t care cos I’d say it’s nature’s way. But if it was nature’s way that the people died that died. Then things aren’t so good. They’re just not so good like isn’t it? Sometimes Sometimes I think I’m like the cameraman who let it happen. Other times I know I’m not. I didn’t let nothing happen. And I did nothing. I know it. Swear to God. Ancient History You’d think ancient history is ancient history. It isn’t. Not in Ireland anyhow. A Desperate Hammering Fella in Four Crosses got a desperate hammering in the pub there one night by a fellow who was beaten up by his father sixteen years before. Fellas have a memory when it comes to blood isn’t it? When it suits them they have anyhow. Walking I think I might go for a walk. I walk around a lot now. It’s one of my favourite things always. It could have been along a dirty dark street or along The Long Strand. The longest nicest beach in the world. I wouldn’t care either way. I’d like it just the same. Secondary school was a bit embarrassing at the start for me. I got a special needs assistant. That’s some grown-up who the government pays to wipe my hole and tie my laces like I wasn’t able to look after myself in school. You see they changed the law so now fellas like me had to have a hippy with them in school. And the one I had was the biggest pain in the hole anyone every met. All We fucking this and We that. —And if we’re not engaging Charlie we don’t make progress. And if we don’t make progress Charlie we don’t reach our potential. Each child has a right under the law to reach their potential. That’s why I’m here Charlie but we must engage if we’re to succeed. Like most people I ever met in my life, I never spoke one word to her. But of all the people I never spoke to, she replied the most. On and on and on. Only time she’d stop talking and coaching me from her bollicksology textbook was to take a bite of some fucking celery or raw carrot or a drink of water from her glass bottle with the rubbery top. Longest few weeks of my life it was with that one following me around the place in case I’d fucking trip over myself. She had a fucking clipboard with her always in case anyone would find out that she did sweet fuck all. In the end she went to the principal about me not engaging. The principal got her helping other fellas with their reading and sums but I still had to meet her once a week so she could fill in her report and lie about my engagement and progress so she’d get to keep her job and could buy her celery. But I was left alone eventually and she was given the road after first year off to some other poor bollicks some place else. No one ever mocked me cos of James being around. I wasn’t in all of James and Sinéad’s classes cos they were doing honours English and Maths and Irish and them subjects were split up into different levels. I hated being without them. Even other girls that weren’t Sinéad made me puke with their sucking up to the boys and trying to be popular with them. Only girl I thought was kinda nice was Julie. She liked to dance. Her mother taught ballet and music and cleaned the school in her spare time. Julie was hippyish looking and walked tall. Sinéad hadn’t really met anyone like her and they became good friends in first year. Sinéad started wearing hippyish scarves and didn’t bother with make-up. Racey and the others would be covered in make-up. They’d go to the toilet together to be touching it up. But Julie never bothered with that. Neither did Sinéad. Julie made it easier for Sinéad to be not doing stuff that Racey and them were doing. But then before the holidays they moved away and Sinéad never saw her again. And neither did we. Cos they moved to Australia. So then Sinéad just tagged along with Racey and the other girls then instead. I remember Dinky long ago when we were in first year and