The Friend of Women and Other Stories by Louis Auchincloss

remarkable gift for words and a high standard of ethics, who urged his followers to submit to the harshness of Roman rule and all the injustices of life in order to prepare themselves for the Judgment Day that would, in a few years’ time, put an end to the world. What was the point of fussing about anything else in view of the imminent dissolution? But when the early church was faced not only with the fact that the Day of Judgment seemed indefinitely postponed, but that the faith was being rent by dissention, it had to unite the sects under a new set of dogmas and prepare to rule the world!”
    â€œBut Renan and Strauss, sir, denied the divinity of Christ!”
    â€œOf course I know that.”
    â€œAnd isn’t that the essence of our faith? Isn’t that what I have to teach the boys?”
    â€œHave I said otherwise? But you can also teach them what so many other people have thought. At the least it is interesting, and sacred studies notoriously bores boys. You can see their heads straighten up the moment you mention a controversy.”
    â€œI’ll try, sir.”
    â€œSee that you do, Goodheart. I’ll audit your class in a week or so.”
    But could it possibly be right to introduce a topic that might cause a sensitive boy some of the anguished doubt that it had in my own earlier being? What could be the headmaster’s motive in directing my teaching down this troublesome course? Was it conceivable that some malign force in the old man’s subconscious was working to undermine the very institution that he would have sold his soul to create?
    It was all very well for me to try to laugh myself out of any such arcane and bizarre theories, but a subsequent discussion with Lockwood in his office brought them back violently to mind. He had asked me to draft a letter to a trustee explaining why he could not honor the latter’s request that a Jewish boy be admitted to the school.
    â€œThe boy has a first-class record in his high school,” I felt obliged, however timidly, to point out.
    â€œBut he’s Jewish, Goodheart! What are you talking about? Are we a church school or are we not?”
    â€œBut exposed to our church, sir, might he not come to see the light? It’s odd enough that his orthodox parents should be willing to send him here. Mightn’t that be a sign that it’s our mission to help the boy?”
    â€œA sign that you’re an ass, my dear fellow!”
    â€œBut we have the Kramer boys and the Streyers.”
    â€œThey’re Episcopalians!”
    â€œThey’re still Jewish, sir.”
    â€œRacially, of course. But a converted Jew is a Christian, is he not? I know we have parents who insist that he’s not, that is, if he converted for reasons of social advancement. But why are many Christians Christians, but for social advancement or, at least, social acceptance? We don’t have to go into that. We might not like what we find. I can’t blame a Jew who abandons his old faith. The god of the Old Testament is a terrible deity who slays all who fail to worship him and many who don’t. Even if our Christian faith is an illusion, I still cling to it.”
    â€œSurely you don’t ever believe it’s an illusion, sir?”
    His answer was a roar. “Don’t tell me what I believe or don’t believe, Goodheart!”
    His anger at last stirred whatever bit of man there was in me. Had I not the cross of Christ behind me? “No, sir. But you have Catholic boys in the school. And Catholic boys who have no idea of converting.”
    â€œBut their god is close to ours. Perhaps the same. And we all might still be Catholics if Anne Boleyn hadn’t refused to spread her legs until the lecherous Harry promised her a wedding ring.”
    I was visibly shocked. “Oh, sir!”
    â€œOh, sir!” he repeated mockingly. “Listen to me, my boy, for you’re not a bad preacher, and I may make something