The Ultimate Stonemage: A Modest Autobiography by Duncan McKenzie

Pharaoh, the snake itself had become evil and now wanted to kill Moses.
    Moses knew he must say the secret word, for this would turn the snake back to a staff once more. But he realized with horror he had forgotten the word, and he would instead have to fight the snake with his bare hands!
    Then the snake jumped on Moses, but Moses smote it with his fist, striking it in the belly. The snake was stunned for a moment, and fell back, but then it regained its strength once more and jumped at Moses’ leg. Moses kicked the snake with his other leg, and the snake gave a hiss of pain. Then, as Moses prepared another kick, the crafty snake moved aside, so Moses kicked his own leg, and he fell to the ground in pain.
    Thereupon, the snake reared up above him, preparing to strike with its poison fangs. But Moses used the same trick the snake had just used, and he moved aside at the last moment, just as the snake’s great head was darting towards him. The snake hit the ground with tremendous force, and its fangs broke off.
    Moses quickly grabbed these fangs and tried to stick the snake with them, but the snake whipped at his wrists with its tail, binding his hands together and forcing him to drop the fangs.
    Then Moses bit the snake’s tail and freed his hands, but as he did so, the rest of the snake, writhing this way and that as if in agony, placed itself in ten great loops around Moses, one loop for each commandment. Then suddenly it pulled tight, wrapping itself around him, squeezing with all its power.
    The snake opened its great mouth, and Moses could see far down its throat, where lay the rotting bones and flesh of dead people. Slowly, inch by inch, the snake squeezed Moses towards its mouth. Moses struggled, but he could not break free, and soon he could feel the snake’s foul breath over him and could feel its cold lips brushing against his head.
    (When I told them of this, the congregation were most distressed, and many cried out words of encouragement to Moses, saying, “Quickly, Moses—place your thumbs into the serpent’s eyes!” or “Hold its mouth closed with your strong arms, Moses!” as though the story I was telling was real before their eyes, which, thanks to God, it was.)
    But then Moses had an idea, and he prayed to God for help. The next instant a shining figure appeared nearby, and Moses recognized the man asChrist. Then Christ said to the snake, “O, snake, which God has created, stop what you are doing!” Then Christ spoke the magic word, and the snake once more became a harmless staff, which fell upon the ground.
    Moses then took the staff and escaped from Israel and from the Egyptians, because the Pharaoh was dead, and for this Moses gave thanks to God in the highest degree.
    Amen.
    Now, this was the story as I told it before the congregation, except the fight between Moses and the snake was very much longer, and so was the fight between the snake and the soldiers, and the fight between the snake and the other snakes. The whole tale ran for nearly an hour, and I used all my storytelling skills, producing the terrible hisses of the snake, and the sound of the punches, and making faces which showed the expressions of terror on the victims of the snake.
    When I had finished the story, the congregation rose up, cheering and clapping their hands together in joy and appreciation, for they knew this was indeed an inspired story from God. But the bishops were angry, for they thought the story was too violent for the common person (as if the stories of theFirst andFifth Testaments are not violent!), and some dared accuse it of being heretical, saying Christ could not have appeared to Moses because Moses lived before Christ was born. To this I replied, in the first place, I did not care for years, only for truth; and in the second place, since Christ is immortal, He must have lived not only after his physical death but also before his physical birth, and therefore, in denying my story, they were denying