The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) by L A Cotton
Authors: L A Cotton
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kind of environment right away. Not after everything.
“Tanner’s here,” I called out to Colton, who was putting Ami to bed.
“Okay, be safe. See you later.”
I grabbed my bag off the counter and made my way out of the house. Tanner had insisted he drive me to and from town for my shift at The Lasso. He was worse than Colton, who had Mary Sue stopping by to check on me when he was working. I’d tried telling them that I was okay. You know, if okay equaled shutting off your emotions and going through the motions. At least, I was doing something. Once I had a firm plan in place—some interviews lined up and a list of suitable apartments—I intended to drive to Houston and stay in a motel for a few days. Everyone insisted there was no rush, but I no longer felt tethered to Radeno. It was as if when Ryan left, a part of me went with him. The only thing keeping me here was Lucas. But as soon as I had a plan for Houston, I would finally visit his grave and say goodbye.
Tanner’s face lit up as I hurried down the path to meet him. “I have good news.” His eyes danced.
“You do?”
“Now, don’t hate me, but Beth’s dad pulled some strings, and there’s a job at The Radisson in downtown Houston with your name on it.”
My hand froze over the belt buckle. “Wh-what?”
“I may have mentioned to Beth that you were looking for work in the city, and well, you know how she likes to fix things. Her dad knows the owner, put in a good word, and well, the job’s yours, if you want it.”
I flung my arms around Tanner and pulled him to me. “This is … this is the best news, Tanner. I was prepared to interview, but this would make things so much easier until I get on my feet. Thank you, thank you so much.”
“Hey.” He untangled himself from my grasp and leaned back. “Don’t thank me, thank Mr. Crosswell.”
“Thank you, Mr. Crosswell.” We both laughed, and I wiped a tear out of my eye. “If ever I needed a lucky break, it was now, Tanner.”
“Jeanie.” His eyes grew serious. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Life will wait a little bit longer until you’re ready.”
“No, it’s time to say goodbye.”
To Radeno.
To Lucas.
To my past.
“It’s time for me to start living.”
Chapter 13
THE SUN STREAKED down through the trees, cloaking the cemetery. From my position at the gates of the church grounds, I could just make out the first couple of rows of headstones, bathed in light.
I hadn't moved yet. The weight of what I was about to do crushed me where I stood, sucking the air from my lungs.
I knew it was time, but it didn’t make it any easier.
Exactly a month to the day since Lucas's accident. I hadn't even realized until Tanner got to talking about Beth's birthday, but now, I couldn’t think about anything else.
One whole month.
Thirty-one days without him, without hearing his voice.
The groundskeeper had asked me twice if I needed any assistance, and I had simply smiled sadly at him and shook my head. He left me alone after that.
For the last three days, I'd put off coming here, making any excuse to fill my spare time. I'd watched Ami while Mary Sue was sick with the flu, helped Colton around the ranch, and I'd even helped Mom run errands in town.
But I couldn't put it off any longer.
Tomorrow, I left for Houston.
It was time.
~
I knelt down in front of the new marble headstone, squeezing my eyes shut as my fingers grazed the stone.
“Lucas.” His name came out a sigh, and my eyes fluttered open, landing on his name.
Lucas Gordon Gennery
October 18th, 1995
–
June 10th, 2016
Beloved son and brother, cherished friend.
We will miss you always
Carol had insisted I help them pick out the right eulogy, as if it mattered what the stone read. It could have simply read 'Lucas,' and it wouldn't have changed anything. People would still remember him as the kind, compassionate guy who had time for everyone. The guy who lit up a room with his
“Tanner’s here,” I called out to Colton, who was putting Ami to bed.
“Okay, be safe. See you later.”
I grabbed my bag off the counter and made my way out of the house. Tanner had insisted he drive me to and from town for my shift at The Lasso. He was worse than Colton, who had Mary Sue stopping by to check on me when he was working. I’d tried telling them that I was okay. You know, if okay equaled shutting off your emotions and going through the motions. At least, I was doing something. Once I had a firm plan in place—some interviews lined up and a list of suitable apartments—I intended to drive to Houston and stay in a motel for a few days. Everyone insisted there was no rush, but I no longer felt tethered to Radeno. It was as if when Ryan left, a part of me went with him. The only thing keeping me here was Lucas. But as soon as I had a plan for Houston, I would finally visit his grave and say goodbye.
Tanner’s face lit up as I hurried down the path to meet him. “I have good news.” His eyes danced.
“You do?”
“Now, don’t hate me, but Beth’s dad pulled some strings, and there’s a job at The Radisson in downtown Houston with your name on it.”
My hand froze over the belt buckle. “Wh-what?”
“I may have mentioned to Beth that you were looking for work in the city, and well, you know how she likes to fix things. Her dad knows the owner, put in a good word, and well, the job’s yours, if you want it.”
I flung my arms around Tanner and pulled him to me. “This is … this is the best news, Tanner. I was prepared to interview, but this would make things so much easier until I get on my feet. Thank you, thank you so much.”
“Hey.” He untangled himself from my grasp and leaned back. “Don’t thank me, thank Mr. Crosswell.”
“Thank you, Mr. Crosswell.” We both laughed, and I wiped a tear out of my eye. “If ever I needed a lucky break, it was now, Tanner.”
“Jeanie.” His eyes grew serious. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Life will wait a little bit longer until you’re ready.”
“No, it’s time to say goodbye.”
To Radeno.
To Lucas.
To my past.
“It’s time for me to start living.”
Chapter 13
THE SUN STREAKED down through the trees, cloaking the cemetery. From my position at the gates of the church grounds, I could just make out the first couple of rows of headstones, bathed in light.
I hadn't moved yet. The weight of what I was about to do crushed me where I stood, sucking the air from my lungs.
I knew it was time, but it didn’t make it any easier.
Exactly a month to the day since Lucas's accident. I hadn't even realized until Tanner got to talking about Beth's birthday, but now, I couldn’t think about anything else.
One whole month.
Thirty-one days without him, without hearing his voice.
The groundskeeper had asked me twice if I needed any assistance, and I had simply smiled sadly at him and shook my head. He left me alone after that.
For the last three days, I'd put off coming here, making any excuse to fill my spare time. I'd watched Ami while Mary Sue was sick with the flu, helped Colton around the ranch, and I'd even helped Mom run errands in town.
But I couldn't put it off any longer.
Tomorrow, I left for Houston.
It was time.
~
I knelt down in front of the new marble headstone, squeezing my eyes shut as my fingers grazed the stone.
“Lucas.” His name came out a sigh, and my eyes fluttered open, landing on his name.
Lucas Gordon Gennery
October 18th, 1995
–
June 10th, 2016
Beloved son and brother, cherished friend.
We will miss you always
Carol had insisted I help them pick out the right eulogy, as if it mattered what the stone read. It could have simply read 'Lucas,' and it wouldn't have changed anything. People would still remember him as the kind, compassionate guy who had time for everyone. The guy who lit up a room with his
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