The Cirque by Ryann Kerekes

lip was fuller than the bottom and he had a small freckle on his right cheek.
    I watched his lips as he spoke and wondered for a second what it would be like to kiss him. I leaned toward him involuntarily, urged on by some unknown force. I heard the latch on the door open and quickly pulled away just as Sasha walked in. I knew we probably looked guilty as hell, sitting pressed up against each other on my bed, but Gabriel recovered faster than I did.
    “Thanks for letting me see your feet.” He stood up. “And by the way, I may have been mistaken about these having mere character – this one toe has a personality.” He squeezed my pinky toe, and one corner of his mouth tilted up.
    He left me sitting on my bed staring after him while Sasha huffed and eyed me accusingly.
    I’d gotten a good look at the tattoos on his forearms for the first time. One arm had a muted colorful design and a classic-style pinup girl, and on the other the word pain was written in cursive. I knew if I asked him, he would tell me the truth about what they meant. My plan had been to be carefree and to experience life – to live a little – and here I was captivated and obsessed by an intense, possibly disturbed, guy.
    ***
    Sun streamed through the paper-thin blinds and I rolled over in bed, tugging the sheet up over my head to block out the light. Sasha reminded me we had to get up. We’d agreed to go to church with Tanner that morning. He tried to go to church most Sundays, regardless of the city we were in. I’d only been to church a handful of times in my life, on special holidays spent with my Granna before she passed or with a friend after a sleepover when I was little. We had a one o’clock show to be back for, but Tanner had one of those magnetic personalities that made most things sound fun. That made it hard to say ‘no’ to him.
    Tanner had grown up going to church every week. He said once he realized he was gay, he’d stopped going for a few years. But then, he realized that Jesus loves everyone the same, and started going back. I wasn’t particularly spiritual, but I figured it couldn’t hurt and Sasha had agreed to go too.
    “Fine,” I grumbled and tossed the covers aside. I’d have tried to find some way to get out of it and stay in bed, but I knew that would be impossible with Sasha involved.
    We made plans to meet in the parking lot after breakfast. Very few people had cars here, but Tanner insisted he couldn’t live without the freedom of his Jeep. He was good about letting people borrow it whenever they needed to run an errand, go to the pharmacy, or had a craving for something you couldn’t get in the cafeteria. When we left each stop on tour, it was towed behind one of the RVs to the next city. It had well over a hundred thousand miles on it.
    Tanner and Sasha were already sitting inside the Jeep when I walked up. I climbed into the back seat. I hadn’t been sure what to wear and had finally settled on a black knee length skirt and fitted gray sweater.
    “Hey,” I said, buckling my seat belt. Tanner kept the Jeep meticulously neat and I could smell the tropical air freshener he hung from the mirror.
    “I invited Gabriel too, but he didn’t say whether he’d be coming or not, so I thought we’d just give it a few minutes more,” Tanner said.
    For some reason, I doubted he’d come. Gabriel didn’t seem like the church type. I looked behind me out the back window and sure enough, he was walking toward us. He was wearing dark jeans and a button down shirt. I had never seen him in a collared shirt. He got in and slid over next to me. I could feel his body heat in the too-small space, though he made a point to stay on his side , the backseat suddenly felt smaller. I looked over at his hands in his lap and the memory of our last encounter came rushing back. The way his hands had felt on my feet – strong, yet gentle and somehow knowledgeable . And that almost-kiss before we were interrupted…. He looked over