just then, like he knew what I was thinking and smiled briefly, before settling to staring straight out the front window. God, he flustered me.
“Ready?” Tanner asked and pulled the gearshift into drive.
Tanner hadn’t been to this church before, but he said he’d seen it when we pulled into town a few days ago. It was a small cinderblock building with a dozen or so cars in the parking lot. The interior was dim and smelled like old people – stale and musty. The mauve-colored carpeting led to a set of wooden doors leading to the pews and then the altar. Gabriel opened the door and let us go ahead. We were greeted by an old man with a bushy gray mustache and a friendly smile.
“Welcome!” He shook our hands. I headed to take a seat in the back row, but Tanner urged me forward. We sat behind two little old ladies in old-fashioned dresses, one with a baby-blue hat that sat crookedly on her head. Gabriel slid in next to me, glanced at my bare knees then looked away again.
The organ started and we stood to sing an old hymn I vaguely recognized. I leaned over to share my hymn book with Gabriel but could tell he had no interest in even pretending to mouth the words like I was doing. A man in his mid-fifties, who I assumed was the pastor, led us in a prayer before starting the sermon – about forgiveness. I glanced over at Tanner and he seemed to absorb every word, leaning forward attentively. Sasha seemed indifferent and read the program and Gabriel stared ahead blankly. I had a hard time concentrating on the message in the sermon and found myself looking around the church, at the wooden cross that hung ceiling to floor at the front of the altar, at the calm faces around us.
The pastor droned on about Jesus’ love being the ultimate forgiveness and we owed it to him to forgive ourselves and others for mistakes. A tear rolled down Tanner’s cheek. Sasha squeezed his hand. The pastor invited all those who believed in Christ to come forward for communion. Gabriel got up and left. I followed Tanner and Sasha up to the front, but kept turning back to search out where Gabriel had gone. At first I thought maybe he just had to use the restroom, and would join us at the front, but after a few minutes I knew his departure had been well timed to avoid taking communion.
We sang another song and when the collection plate was passed, Tanner dropped a twenty inside. I wanted to go find Gabriel and see if everything was all right, but wasn’t sure if I should. Plus, I didn’t want to call attention to myself by standing up in the middle of the service.
After the closing prayer, we were dismissed.
We shuffled outside, dodging around the people who milled about in front of the entrance. We found Gabriel sitting outside at a picnic table picking at a blade of grass. No one said anything as he followed us to the car. I felt like I had missed something, but everyone was strangely quiet. I thought about his rumored past and wondered if he had come here to seek forgiveness. But, if so, why had he left halfway through the service?
Chapter 11
The ride to Minneapolis was relatively uneventful. The endless stretches of highway in Wisconsin were occasionally dotted with small dairy farms. Tanner and Sasha sat huddled together in our usual booth seat, sharing the headphones of Tanner’s iPod, going through all the songs, singing along and occasionally dancing in their seats. I wasn’t in the mood to be silly with them and opted instead to watch Gabriel sleep with his head leaning against the window.
He looked so peaceful when he slept. His skin was smooth, perfect, yet his face was also rough with a few days missed shaving. I had the urge to go sit with him and let his head rest on my shoulder while he slept so he didn’t wake up with a stiff neck. But I knew he’d just pull away so I sat across from him and watched. I fantasized about what it would be like to kiss him. I wondered if he’d be slow and deliberate or devour me in a
“Ready?” Tanner asked and pulled the gearshift into drive.
Tanner hadn’t been to this church before, but he said he’d seen it when we pulled into town a few days ago. It was a small cinderblock building with a dozen or so cars in the parking lot. The interior was dim and smelled like old people – stale and musty. The mauve-colored carpeting led to a set of wooden doors leading to the pews and then the altar. Gabriel opened the door and let us go ahead. We were greeted by an old man with a bushy gray mustache and a friendly smile.
“Welcome!” He shook our hands. I headed to take a seat in the back row, but Tanner urged me forward. We sat behind two little old ladies in old-fashioned dresses, one with a baby-blue hat that sat crookedly on her head. Gabriel slid in next to me, glanced at my bare knees then looked away again.
The organ started and we stood to sing an old hymn I vaguely recognized. I leaned over to share my hymn book with Gabriel but could tell he had no interest in even pretending to mouth the words like I was doing. A man in his mid-fifties, who I assumed was the pastor, led us in a prayer before starting the sermon – about forgiveness. I glanced over at Tanner and he seemed to absorb every word, leaning forward attentively. Sasha seemed indifferent and read the program and Gabriel stared ahead blankly. I had a hard time concentrating on the message in the sermon and found myself looking around the church, at the wooden cross that hung ceiling to floor at the front of the altar, at the calm faces around us.
The pastor droned on about Jesus’ love being the ultimate forgiveness and we owed it to him to forgive ourselves and others for mistakes. A tear rolled down Tanner’s cheek. Sasha squeezed his hand. The pastor invited all those who believed in Christ to come forward for communion. Gabriel got up and left. I followed Tanner and Sasha up to the front, but kept turning back to search out where Gabriel had gone. At first I thought maybe he just had to use the restroom, and would join us at the front, but after a few minutes I knew his departure had been well timed to avoid taking communion.
We sang another song and when the collection plate was passed, Tanner dropped a twenty inside. I wanted to go find Gabriel and see if everything was all right, but wasn’t sure if I should. Plus, I didn’t want to call attention to myself by standing up in the middle of the service.
After the closing prayer, we were dismissed.
We shuffled outside, dodging around the people who milled about in front of the entrance. We found Gabriel sitting outside at a picnic table picking at a blade of grass. No one said anything as he followed us to the car. I felt like I had missed something, but everyone was strangely quiet. I thought about his rumored past and wondered if he had come here to seek forgiveness. But, if so, why had he left halfway through the service?
Chapter 11
The ride to Minneapolis was relatively uneventful. The endless stretches of highway in Wisconsin were occasionally dotted with small dairy farms. Tanner and Sasha sat huddled together in our usual booth seat, sharing the headphones of Tanner’s iPod, going through all the songs, singing along and occasionally dancing in their seats. I wasn’t in the mood to be silly with them and opted instead to watch Gabriel sleep with his head leaning against the window.
He looked so peaceful when he slept. His skin was smooth, perfect, yet his face was also rough with a few days missed shaving. I had the urge to go sit with him and let his head rest on my shoulder while he slept so he didn’t wake up with a stiff neck. But I knew he’d just pull away so I sat across from him and watched. I fantasized about what it would be like to kiss him. I wondered if he’d be slow and deliberate or devour me in a
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