really hard and hope the lash will eventually pop out. Not a bad technique, though sometimes the act of hard winking just forces that eyelash in there deeper. This one’s a gamble.
• The Eyelid Flapper. My friend Scott taught me this method when we were kids. You pinch the skin of your eyelid with your fingers and keep popping it in and out real fast until the lash gives up and lets go. This method is gross to look at and comes complete with a marvelously wet and disgusting suction sound.
• The Wash. If nothing else works, you can always just splash some water in there. Or, if possible, use one of those dusty eyewash stations hanging out in the back of the wood shop. I’ve always wanted to see someone use one of those things. They look like they’re from a 1950s version of the future.
Look, whatever your strategy, one thing’s for sure: You aren’t doing anything until that eyelash comes out. You might get the job done in five seconds, you might work at it for ten painful minutes, but whatever the case, whatever your style, it sure does feel good when it finally drops out of your eye. Suddenly the sun rises again, the weight is lifted, and your life can get back on the road and just keep on trucking.
AWESOME!
Finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works
The hotel shower faucet is a 7:00 a.m. Brain Teaser .
You strip down and peel back the flimsy white curtain to size up the challenger and you find it staring back at you—a clump of shiny dials and spouts with made-up marketing names like Temprol, Relaxa Shower , or Aquasomething.
Sometimes that shower faucet goes clockwise, sometimes counterclockwise , sometimes you have to turn it past cold to get hot, sometimes you pull it toward you to get it going.
And once you eventually get it flowing, you face another challenge: getting it to stop coming out of the bathtub tap and start shooting out of the shower faucet. Your reward for solving this mystery a few minutes later is an ice-cold spray down your naked, shivering body.
Finally figuring out how your hotel shower works is like jumping into the cockpit during an emergency and landing the plane with no lessons . You were just woken up and thrown into a tough situation with no instructions, but you managed to figure it out and save the day.
Yes, you’re a clean, freshly scrubbed hero .
Later on, when you leave the steamy bathroom in your scratchy white hotel towel, be sure to pause for a few moments in the hallway and give detailed advice and directions to all the future showerers of the morning.
They’ll thank you for it.
AWESOME!
Talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost in a restaurant
There’s the new item on the shopping list , the big soup pot or roasting pan you haven’t used in a while, and a couple hours of commotion in the kitchen.
But then everyone takes a seat and out pops a puffy quiche or simmering curry complete with exotic side dishes. And as drinks are poured, plates are filled, and everyone starts digging into the meal, somebody lobs up the big question.
“Hey, what do you think this would cost in a restaurant?”
And it’s a great conversation starter, because now in addition to the feeling of eating good food with friends or family, you get a nice little bonus Cheapskate High too.
AWESOME!
When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio
There’s really nothing like pulling up in the driveway and shutting off the engine just as that final cymbal crashes or that wailing guitar solo slowly fades into perfect silence. If you time it just right, you’ll miss the start of the commercials, and you’ll be rewarded with the song replaying itself in your head all day.
AWESOME!
Saying the same thing a sports commentator says just before they say it
Because at that moment you go from being a lazy potato chips n’ naps fan lying on the couch in a crumb-covered pile of sweatpants, bedhead, and B.O. to an insightful
• The Eyelid Flapper. My friend Scott taught me this method when we were kids. You pinch the skin of your eyelid with your fingers and keep popping it in and out real fast until the lash gives up and lets go. This method is gross to look at and comes complete with a marvelously wet and disgusting suction sound.
• The Wash. If nothing else works, you can always just splash some water in there. Or, if possible, use one of those dusty eyewash stations hanging out in the back of the wood shop. I’ve always wanted to see someone use one of those things. They look like they’re from a 1950s version of the future.
Look, whatever your strategy, one thing’s for sure: You aren’t doing anything until that eyelash comes out. You might get the job done in five seconds, you might work at it for ten painful minutes, but whatever the case, whatever your style, it sure does feel good when it finally drops out of your eye. Suddenly the sun rises again, the weight is lifted, and your life can get back on the road and just keep on trucking.
AWESOME!
Finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works
The hotel shower faucet is a 7:00 a.m. Brain Teaser .
You strip down and peel back the flimsy white curtain to size up the challenger and you find it staring back at you—a clump of shiny dials and spouts with made-up marketing names like Temprol, Relaxa Shower , or Aquasomething.
Sometimes that shower faucet goes clockwise, sometimes counterclockwise , sometimes you have to turn it past cold to get hot, sometimes you pull it toward you to get it going.
And once you eventually get it flowing, you face another challenge: getting it to stop coming out of the bathtub tap and start shooting out of the shower faucet. Your reward for solving this mystery a few minutes later is an ice-cold spray down your naked, shivering body.
Finally figuring out how your hotel shower works is like jumping into the cockpit during an emergency and landing the plane with no lessons . You were just woken up and thrown into a tough situation with no instructions, but you managed to figure it out and save the day.
Yes, you’re a clean, freshly scrubbed hero .
Later on, when you leave the steamy bathroom in your scratchy white hotel towel, be sure to pause for a few moments in the hallway and give detailed advice and directions to all the future showerers of the morning.
They’ll thank you for it.
AWESOME!
Talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost in a restaurant
There’s the new item on the shopping list , the big soup pot or roasting pan you haven’t used in a while, and a couple hours of commotion in the kitchen.
But then everyone takes a seat and out pops a puffy quiche or simmering curry complete with exotic side dishes. And as drinks are poured, plates are filled, and everyone starts digging into the meal, somebody lobs up the big question.
“Hey, what do you think this would cost in a restaurant?”
And it’s a great conversation starter, because now in addition to the feeling of eating good food with friends or family, you get a nice little bonus Cheapskate High too.
AWESOME!
When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio
There’s really nothing like pulling up in the driveway and shutting off the engine just as that final cymbal crashes or that wailing guitar solo slowly fades into perfect silence. If you time it just right, you’ll miss the start of the commercials, and you’ll be rewarded with the song replaying itself in your head all day.
AWESOME!
Saying the same thing a sports commentator says just before they say it
Because at that moment you go from being a lazy potato chips n’ naps fan lying on the couch in a crumb-covered pile of sweatpants, bedhead, and B.O. to an insightful
Similar Books
