The Bodies We Wear by Jeyn Roberts

up his copy of The Iliad and opens it to the bookmarked page. It’s his way of saying the argument is over. Finished. Kaput.
    I go upstairs to my bedroom and flop down on the bed. Looking at the clock, I notice that it’s just a bit past eight. No problem. I’ll let Gazer think he’s won. Technically, I don’t have to be at Paige’s until eleven. I’ll just wait till Gazer goes to bed and do what every other normal teenager would do. I’ll sneak out.

    Gazer taps on my door around ten-thirty. I’m lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. A textbook rests on my chest but it’s mostly for show. I haven’t been studying. Not with all the plotting going around in my brain.
    “It’s open,” I say.
    He opens the door and steps inside. “I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier,” he says. “I shouldn’t have trivialized your feelings the way I did.”
    “Thanks.” I shift on the bed and the textbook slides off my chest and onto the floor. It hits the ground with a good hard thunk.
    “And I’m sorry that you feel the way you do and I wish I could fix it,” Gazer says. “I love you like my own daughter. I’d do anything to try and make your pain go away.”
    “I know.”
    And I do know. I remember the nights following my overdose. Waking up from dreams, screaming, tears falling, and Gazer always being right by my side. He’d pull the covers up tighter and tell me stories from all the books he’s read. And he never left my side until I’d slipped back into sleep.
    Gazer’s been there to fight for me since the moment he took me in. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express to him how truly important he’s been to me.
    Gazer takes a deep breath. “What’s happened to us, Faye?” he asks. He leans against the wall and stares down at his hands. “I feel like we’re pulling apart. Fighting all the time. It worries me to watch you drifting away. I’m afraid you’re going to wander too far and I won’t be able to bring you back.”
    I get up off the bed and go over to him, putting my arms around him and hugging him tightly. The tears threaten my eyes, burning me, and I blink several times to try to keep them back. “I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s my fault.”
    Gazer shakes his head. “No, it’s mine.” He pushes me back and looks into my eyes. “I haven’t done my job. I’ve tried to bring you peace but you won’t accept it. You’re going to do what you’re going to do. I won’t stand in your way anymore.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean you’re ready. Well, ready as you’re going to be. But promise me you’ll at least wait until you graduate. Give yourself that at least.”
    I want to be happy. Gazer has finally said the words I want to hear. But I’m not happy. Mostly because I can tell he doesn’t believe them. He’s telling me to get my revenge only because he failed at teaching me otherwise.
    It’s not a victorious moment.
    Especially when I know in ten minutes or so I’ll be sneaking out my bedroom window.
    There are so many things I want to say but I can’t stand to say them to Gazer’s face when he looks this weak.
    “I’m really tired,” I finally say.
    “You should get some sleep, then.” He kisses me on the forehead. “Maybe we’ll both feel better tomorrow morning.”
    I smile and he closes the door behind him on the way out. I listen at the door to hear his footsteps going down the hall and back downstairs to his books. Within seconds, I yank my jacket from off the floor and grab my gloves from the top of my dresser. I head over to the window.
    I wasn’t feeling guilty earlier and now I try to push the shame away by concentrating on the task ahead of me. I’ve never snuck out the window before. I cringe when the wood squeaks as I push up the frame. Cold air hits my face. Squeezing through the small space, I step down onto the ledge, trying not to look down. It’s a good twenty feet below. I probably wouldn’t hurt myself badly if I fell