The Ballad of Gregoire Darcy by Marsha Altman

would.
    â€œLazy gaijin , too slow,” Mugin said, bowed, and ran off back down the road, his wooden shoes clacking all the way.
    Darcy had never trusted Mugin, but had no reason not to believe him now, and followed him to the Maddox townhouse, where there were many trunks in the hallway and a great commotion.The first person he encountered was not Bingley or Maddox, but a disconcerted Mrs. Maddox, her bonnet off and her normally perfectly tied hair askew. “Mrs. Maddox.” He bowed.
    She stopped only to curtsy. “Mr. Darcy. Excuse me.” And then she rushed into the sitting room and shut the door behind her.

    â€œWhat! He’s not that bad, Caroline—”
    Darcy could vaguely hear Bingley’s voice from up the steps, but it was not Bingley who emerged first. It was a small animal, like a cat but not quite, covered in soap suds. It squeaked, and then without warning, climbed right up his clothing and sat down on his head.
    Bingley did catch up, looking a little wet. “Hello, Darcy.”
    â€œBingley.”
    â€œSorry about—”
    â€œBingley, what precisely is on my head?”
    â€œIt’s a monkey.”
    Calmly, he said, “A monkey.”
    â€œYes. He won’t harm you.”
    Coolly, Darcy said, “Though it has been an honor to be your companion these many years, our friendship will come to an abrupt end if you do not get this animal off my head. ”
    Bingley did not need to be told twice. “Monkey! Kinasi! ” The monkey leaped from Darcy’s head to Bingley’s outstretched arm, where it climbed up onto his shoulder and squawked. “I am sorry about that. It seems he doesn’t much care to be bathed.”
    Darcy was going to say something, but Mr. Maddox came barreling down the stairs, towel in hand. “Here you—oh, hello.” He bowed. “Mr. Darcy.You have suds in your hair.”
    â€œI know.”
    Bingley took the towel and wiped off his little monkey, which was not much bigger than his head and brown in color. “Dr. Maddox said we should bathe him. In case he had some bugs in his fur. Have you seen my sister?”
    Darcy gestured to the closed double doors of the sitting room.
    â€œYou can come out now. Caroline?”
    â€œI am not going near that thing!” she shouted from the other side of the door. “He screamed at me!”
    â€œWell what did you expect him to do? You were screaming at him!”
    â€œMonkey see, monkey do,” Mr. Maddox said.

    â€œShe doesn’t like animals—other than dogs, that is,” Bingley said. “Louisa had a cat when we were children. It used to scratch its paws on her dresser.”
    â€œAnd on my leg!” Caroline said. The monkey shook itself out on Bingley’s shoulder as Dr. Maddox appeared, followed by his children.
    â€œA monkey is not a dog.”
    â€œHas she locked herself in there?” Dr. Maddox said.
    â€œIt’s not her fault she yelled at it.”
    â€œYou could have told her you were bringing a primate in the house, Mr. Bingley.”
    â€œI told you .”
    â€œWhat’s a primate?” Emily Maddox asked.
    â€œIt’s a monkey,” her father explained.
    A truce was eventually reached; Monkey (the animal’s name) went back in his cage and into the wagon bound for Longbourn, and Caroline Maddox agreed to come out of her fortress.
    Darcy still had to make his way to Hertfordshire and Bingley was eager to see his wife and children, so they bid their adieus, stopping for a moment outside before they would depart in their separate carriages.
    â€œIt is good to have you home,” Darcy admitted. “You didn’t do anything insanely idiotic while in the Orient besides buy a monkey in the notion that your wife would accept such a thing in the house?”
    â€œI have spent months practicing my pleading look,” Bingley said. “And as for anything else you hear I may have done,