fine.’
‘But you didn’t explain that it was just a suggestion; that she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to?’
‘I thought she’d assume that.’
‘She thinks I asked you to have her move out.’
He pumps the top of the pen with his thumb. ‘OK. No worries. It’s a simple misunderstanding. Let me have a word with her. See if I can clear it up. After all, we were thinking about her; we were trying to make her life easier.’
‘I know, but she doesn’t see it that way. And she seems to have made up her mind. You should have seen her; she was fuming.’
‘She’s a good person, Lucy. Honestly. Let me talk to her. We’ll probably all be laughing about this in a few days.’
‘Yeah,’ I say without conviction. I stand up. ‘Let’s go out for lunch, Greg. I need to get away from here for a while.’
He smiles. ‘You’re not the only one.’
That night, I phone Grace. Tell her everything.
‘God, she sounds uptight. What’s her problem?’
‘She thinks I’m trying to get rid of her.’
‘I know, but why? All you were doing was giving her the option of more freedom.’
‘I know. I know. But what if she’s right? What if, subconsciously, I suggested it because I want her gone? She makes me feel so inadequate. And I can never get near the kids with her always around. I can’t even have sex without worrying that she’ll hear. How weird is that?’
‘What’s weird is the way she’s reacting. At her age, she should be delighted at the prospect of having a social life, not attacking you for suggesting it. I’d watch out there, Lucy. She seems over-attached.’
‘She and Greg had sex once.’
‘ What? ’
‘Way back. Only once. When he was upset. He told me about it. It meant nothing to him . . .’
‘But what if it meant something to her? I’d get her out of the house.’
‘Grace, I can’t do that. I can’t ask him to fire her; she’s been with them so long. She’s part of the family. The children love her.’
‘All the more reason to get rid of her. She’s too close. I mean, come on, Lucy, she fucked him.’
‘Once. Five years ago. I can’t ask Greg to get rid of her. I can’t. This is a very difficult time for the children. They need routine, stability now’ – I’ve been reading my step-parenting books – ‘not to have one of the people they love most in the world sent away.’
‘You’re taking a gamble.’
‘Grace, even if I asked him to, he’d talk me out of it. I know he would. He thinks the world of her. He’s going to talk to her. It’ll b e all r ight.’
‘OK. But you know what I think.’
‘How’s Kevin?’
‘Kevin? Do I know a Kevin? Because the name rings a faint bell.’
I smile. ‘Still working hard as ever?’
‘I’m jealous of his office chair. It sees more of his arse than I do.’
I laugh, scratching a mosquito bite near my ankle.
‘How’s work going?’ she asks.
‘Fine. I think I’ll pop over soon. I miss it.’
‘Good. I’m glad. I was worried you might quit.’
‘Why?’
‘A lot of stepmums do . . . To compensate, you know, for the “step” bit.’
‘But lots of biological mums work.’
‘It’s a guilt thing. Don’t fall for it. Whatever else happens, don’t give up work. Biggest mistake I ever made.’
‘But you wanted to . . .’
‘Yeah, I wanted to be the perfect mother.’
‘But you are .’
‘Lucy, there’s no such thing.’
‘You could go back to work.’
‘Are you kidding me? The kids would never see either of us. Everything would come crumbling down.’
‘You could get a nanny.’
‘After what you’ve told me? Forget it.’
Greg has spoken to Hilary. He says everything’s fine. It was just a misunderstanding. Still, I’m cautious, unable to forget her rage. I’m putting my swimsuit and towel into the washing machine at the villa when she appears. I risk extending an olive branch.
‘Hilary, I’m doing a coloured wash. Would you like to put anything
‘But you didn’t explain that it was just a suggestion; that she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to?’
‘I thought she’d assume that.’
‘She thinks I asked you to have her move out.’
He pumps the top of the pen with his thumb. ‘OK. No worries. It’s a simple misunderstanding. Let me have a word with her. See if I can clear it up. After all, we were thinking about her; we were trying to make her life easier.’
‘I know, but she doesn’t see it that way. And she seems to have made up her mind. You should have seen her; she was fuming.’
‘She’s a good person, Lucy. Honestly. Let me talk to her. We’ll probably all be laughing about this in a few days.’
‘Yeah,’ I say without conviction. I stand up. ‘Let’s go out for lunch, Greg. I need to get away from here for a while.’
He smiles. ‘You’re not the only one.’
That night, I phone Grace. Tell her everything.
‘God, she sounds uptight. What’s her problem?’
‘She thinks I’m trying to get rid of her.’
‘I know, but why? All you were doing was giving her the option of more freedom.’
‘I know. I know. But what if she’s right? What if, subconsciously, I suggested it because I want her gone? She makes me feel so inadequate. And I can never get near the kids with her always around. I can’t even have sex without worrying that she’ll hear. How weird is that?’
‘What’s weird is the way she’s reacting. At her age, she should be delighted at the prospect of having a social life, not attacking you for suggesting it. I’d watch out there, Lucy. She seems over-attached.’
‘She and Greg had sex once.’
‘ What? ’
‘Way back. Only once. When he was upset. He told me about it. It meant nothing to him . . .’
‘But what if it meant something to her? I’d get her out of the house.’
‘Grace, I can’t do that. I can’t ask him to fire her; she’s been with them so long. She’s part of the family. The children love her.’
‘All the more reason to get rid of her. She’s too close. I mean, come on, Lucy, she fucked him.’
‘Once. Five years ago. I can’t ask Greg to get rid of her. I can’t. This is a very difficult time for the children. They need routine, stability now’ – I’ve been reading my step-parenting books – ‘not to have one of the people they love most in the world sent away.’
‘You’re taking a gamble.’
‘Grace, even if I asked him to, he’d talk me out of it. I know he would. He thinks the world of her. He’s going to talk to her. It’ll b e all r ight.’
‘OK. But you know what I think.’
‘How’s Kevin?’
‘Kevin? Do I know a Kevin? Because the name rings a faint bell.’
I smile. ‘Still working hard as ever?’
‘I’m jealous of his office chair. It sees more of his arse than I do.’
I laugh, scratching a mosquito bite near my ankle.
‘How’s work going?’ she asks.
‘Fine. I think I’ll pop over soon. I miss it.’
‘Good. I’m glad. I was worried you might quit.’
‘Why?’
‘A lot of stepmums do . . . To compensate, you know, for the “step” bit.’
‘But lots of biological mums work.’
‘It’s a guilt thing. Don’t fall for it. Whatever else happens, don’t give up work. Biggest mistake I ever made.’
‘But you wanted to . . .’
‘Yeah, I wanted to be the perfect mother.’
‘But you are .’
‘Lucy, there’s no such thing.’
‘You could go back to work.’
‘Are you kidding me? The kids would never see either of us. Everything would come crumbling down.’
‘You could get a nanny.’
‘After what you’ve told me? Forget it.’
Greg has spoken to Hilary. He says everything’s fine. It was just a misunderstanding. Still, I’m cautious, unable to forget her rage. I’m putting my swimsuit and towel into the washing machine at the villa when she appears. I risk extending an olive branch.
‘Hilary, I’m doing a coloured wash. Would you like to put anything
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