still worried something would happen and Nick would run, Cam was right. We weren’t the same idiotic kids we were four years ago and I needed to remember he’d likely changed as much as I had, if not more.
“I know,” he assured me. “But I think it was the message I needed to hear. And for what it’s worth, I think my dad would be sending you a thank-you note if he knew I called him because of something you said. After he got done basically telling me I’d been a fool, he started talking about the other things he thought were holding me back. Apparently, he noticed I was upset after one of my buddies got married this winter.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that. With the stories I’d heard about Eric’s fling with Sean and Drew having a crush on Cam for most of his life, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear where this story was headed.
Nick shook his head and moved even closer to me. At this point, if either of us moved again, we’d wind up in the other’s lap. I pulled my hand out from under him and slid it behind his back so I could rest my head on his shoulder. “In case you’ve forgotten, I sometimes suck at saying what I mean. I wasn’t upset because he got married. He’s a good guy, but not my type.”
“And what is your type?” I asked playfully.
“Well… for one thing, I prefer guys who aren’t straight.” We both had a good laugh over that. “What upset me was that over the past two years, it’s seemed like most of my buddies have either gotten married or settled into serious relationships. At the reception, a bunch of them started giving me shit about when I was going to bite the bullet and find myself a good woman to take care of me. And I had no choice but to sit there and laugh it off, because I couldn’t tell them the truth. I swear, I considered coming out in the middle of the reception to shut them up, but I couldn’t.”
“It’s okay,” I soothed him. I’d never thought about how much it ate away at him to pretend to be something he wasn’t. “While I don’t agree with anyone thinking they need to hide in the closet, I also understand why some people feel it’s their only choice. And until you’re ready to open that door, you don’t owe anyone a damn thing.”
Nick stared at me for a long moment, long enough I began to feel uncomfortable with the attention. And then, he did something I should’ve expected but didn’t. He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. I was so at war with myself I neither welcomed the kiss nor pushed him away, and he didn’t try for more. Just another simple connection, a sort of testing the waters. When he pulled back, I reached up with my free hand and brushed my thumb across his cheek. God, I missed this man.
“Sometimes, it’s hard for me to remember you’re younger than me,” he admitted. “Even when we met, you were always the wiser one. I know you thought I saw you as some immature kid, but it was actually the exact opposite. Being around you made me see how much growing up I needed to do. If I’d gone through a quarter of the shit you did in your life, I’d have been sitting in a corner, rocking myself and crying like a little bitch, but not you. You picked yourself up and made something of your life.”
“I had a lot of help,” I reminded him. That was probably the biggest difference between the two of us, other than him having a birth family who loved him. He was determined to do everything on his own while I’d been forced to realize I couldn’t live that way. It hadn’t been as easy as he made it sound for me to accept help from the guys when it was first offered.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” he responded. “You were still a teenager in high school and you’d already learned something I didn’t realize until very recently. I was hell-bent on proving to the world that I was my own person. I refused to accept help or support when it was offered. And that’s another piece of what my
“I know,” he assured me. “But I think it was the message I needed to hear. And for what it’s worth, I think my dad would be sending you a thank-you note if he knew I called him because of something you said. After he got done basically telling me I’d been a fool, he started talking about the other things he thought were holding me back. Apparently, he noticed I was upset after one of my buddies got married this winter.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that. With the stories I’d heard about Eric’s fling with Sean and Drew having a crush on Cam for most of his life, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear where this story was headed.
Nick shook his head and moved even closer to me. At this point, if either of us moved again, we’d wind up in the other’s lap. I pulled my hand out from under him and slid it behind his back so I could rest my head on his shoulder. “In case you’ve forgotten, I sometimes suck at saying what I mean. I wasn’t upset because he got married. He’s a good guy, but not my type.”
“And what is your type?” I asked playfully.
“Well… for one thing, I prefer guys who aren’t straight.” We both had a good laugh over that. “What upset me was that over the past two years, it’s seemed like most of my buddies have either gotten married or settled into serious relationships. At the reception, a bunch of them started giving me shit about when I was going to bite the bullet and find myself a good woman to take care of me. And I had no choice but to sit there and laugh it off, because I couldn’t tell them the truth. I swear, I considered coming out in the middle of the reception to shut them up, but I couldn’t.”
“It’s okay,” I soothed him. I’d never thought about how much it ate away at him to pretend to be something he wasn’t. “While I don’t agree with anyone thinking they need to hide in the closet, I also understand why some people feel it’s their only choice. And until you’re ready to open that door, you don’t owe anyone a damn thing.”
Nick stared at me for a long moment, long enough I began to feel uncomfortable with the attention. And then, he did something I should’ve expected but didn’t. He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. I was so at war with myself I neither welcomed the kiss nor pushed him away, and he didn’t try for more. Just another simple connection, a sort of testing the waters. When he pulled back, I reached up with my free hand and brushed my thumb across his cheek. God, I missed this man.
“Sometimes, it’s hard for me to remember you’re younger than me,” he admitted. “Even when we met, you were always the wiser one. I know you thought I saw you as some immature kid, but it was actually the exact opposite. Being around you made me see how much growing up I needed to do. If I’d gone through a quarter of the shit you did in your life, I’d have been sitting in a corner, rocking myself and crying like a little bitch, but not you. You picked yourself up and made something of your life.”
“I had a lot of help,” I reminded him. That was probably the biggest difference between the two of us, other than him having a birth family who loved him. He was determined to do everything on his own while I’d been forced to realize I couldn’t live that way. It hadn’t been as easy as he made it sound for me to accept help from the guys when it was first offered.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” he responded. “You were still a teenager in high school and you’d already learned something I didn’t realize until very recently. I was hell-bent on proving to the world that I was my own person. I refused to accept help or support when it was offered. And that’s another piece of what my
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