dad pointed out to me last night. Basically, he told me baseball won’t last forever and if I don’t change my thinking, I’m going to turn into a very lonely man at some point.”
“Did he give you the speech about finding a woman to come home to?” I asked, praying that wasn’t the case. With as hard as it must have been for him to reach out to his dad, feeling rejected could crush him.
I wasn’t expecting the rich laughter echoing off the nearby rock formations. “Is it wrong to wish the conversation had gone that way? It would’ve justified me trying to padlock the closet door shut.”
“Okay, now I’m confused.” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“He knows, Cody.” Again, his focus was somewhere far away from where we were sitting. “After he told me about him and my mom talking, he started telling me all the little things he’d noticed over the years. When I tried to play off my lack of interest in any of the women who hang out at the parks and hotel bars, he shot me down. Told me I wasn’t staying away from them because of the potential damage to my career. He fucking knows. I don’t know how long he’s had suspicions, but I had no clue he’d picked up on anything. This whole time, I could have at least been honest with my dad, but I wasn’t. I didn’t trust him to still love me if he knew I was gay.”
“It’s a legitimate fear,” I assured him. Hell, it was the reason I hadn’t told my own parents I was gay, and when they found out, they had disowned me. The effects of their abandonment weren’t as prominent as they once were, but it stung to look out at the fans gathered to watch the high school state championship game my senior year and know they weren’t there. Before I’d shamed them, they hadn’t missed a single game. I wanted to share that moment with them, but they weren’t there because they couldn’t accept something that was as much a part of me as my brown hair and eyes. My graduation was somber, knowing they had no interest in watching me walk across the stage to gather my diploma. Moving into the dorms my freshman year of college sucked, because everyone else was saying goodbye to their parents, and I just had Bryce and Cam. The rest of the guys had stayed home, not wanting to cause a scene if anyone recognized them. While I understood and appreciated the gesture, once again I was forced to hide something vital to my existence.
“Yeah, but now I feel like a complete ass. I should have thought about the person my dad has always been. He didn’t have an issue with the guys who’d come out on the team or with one of his former teammates who came out after he retired,” he explained. “It pissed him off to hear everything his friend gave up to keep his secret. His buddy went to the park after his partner died, because it was easier than admitting he was gay. I didn’t think about any of that, and I’ve hurt so many people. Including you.”
This time, I was the one who initiated the kiss. I turned my body and awkwardly draped my arms over his shoulders, pressing our foreheads together. “Nick, please don’t feel that way. I know why you do, but I don’t want you feeling guilty over me. If we’re being honest, I don’t think we could have worked out back then. I had my own demons to slay and you were hyper-focused on your career. We didn’t have time for more than what we had.”
I pulled him closer and pressed my lips to his. One hand came up so I could run my fingers through his hair. He moaned as I ran my tongue across the seam of his lips, opening just enough that I was able to delve into his mouth. Nick deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth, soft sighs passing between us as our bodies remembered how right we were together. He pushed me back on the boulder and shifted so his body covered mine.
“I missed you,” he whispered when we pulled apart to catch our breath. I reached up and pressed my hand to the side of his face. His eyes drifted shut
“Did he give you the speech about finding a woman to come home to?” I asked, praying that wasn’t the case. With as hard as it must have been for him to reach out to his dad, feeling rejected could crush him.
I wasn’t expecting the rich laughter echoing off the nearby rock formations. “Is it wrong to wish the conversation had gone that way? It would’ve justified me trying to padlock the closet door shut.”
“Okay, now I’m confused.” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“He knows, Cody.” Again, his focus was somewhere far away from where we were sitting. “After he told me about him and my mom talking, he started telling me all the little things he’d noticed over the years. When I tried to play off my lack of interest in any of the women who hang out at the parks and hotel bars, he shot me down. Told me I wasn’t staying away from them because of the potential damage to my career. He fucking knows. I don’t know how long he’s had suspicions, but I had no clue he’d picked up on anything. This whole time, I could have at least been honest with my dad, but I wasn’t. I didn’t trust him to still love me if he knew I was gay.”
“It’s a legitimate fear,” I assured him. Hell, it was the reason I hadn’t told my own parents I was gay, and when they found out, they had disowned me. The effects of their abandonment weren’t as prominent as they once were, but it stung to look out at the fans gathered to watch the high school state championship game my senior year and know they weren’t there. Before I’d shamed them, they hadn’t missed a single game. I wanted to share that moment with them, but they weren’t there because they couldn’t accept something that was as much a part of me as my brown hair and eyes. My graduation was somber, knowing they had no interest in watching me walk across the stage to gather my diploma. Moving into the dorms my freshman year of college sucked, because everyone else was saying goodbye to their parents, and I just had Bryce and Cam. The rest of the guys had stayed home, not wanting to cause a scene if anyone recognized them. While I understood and appreciated the gesture, once again I was forced to hide something vital to my existence.
“Yeah, but now I feel like a complete ass. I should have thought about the person my dad has always been. He didn’t have an issue with the guys who’d come out on the team or with one of his former teammates who came out after he retired,” he explained. “It pissed him off to hear everything his friend gave up to keep his secret. His buddy went to the park after his partner died, because it was easier than admitting he was gay. I didn’t think about any of that, and I’ve hurt so many people. Including you.”
This time, I was the one who initiated the kiss. I turned my body and awkwardly draped my arms over his shoulders, pressing our foreheads together. “Nick, please don’t feel that way. I know why you do, but I don’t want you feeling guilty over me. If we’re being honest, I don’t think we could have worked out back then. I had my own demons to slay and you were hyper-focused on your career. We didn’t have time for more than what we had.”
I pulled him closer and pressed my lips to his. One hand came up so I could run my fingers through his hair. He moaned as I ran my tongue across the seam of his lips, opening just enough that I was able to delve into his mouth. Nick deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth, soft sighs passing between us as our bodies remembered how right we were together. He pushed me back on the boulder and shifted so his body covered mine.
“I missed you,” he whispered when we pulled apart to catch our breath. I reached up and pressed my hand to the side of his face. His eyes drifted shut
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