Sweet by Emmy Laybourne

rolling,” Tamara says. “Tom, whenever you’re ready.”
    â€œHey, everybody, Tom Fiorelli here on Day Six of the Solu Cruise to Lose on the Extravagance. Man, the time has flown by! It feels like just yesterday I was saying it’s Day Two!”
    That’s for Tamara.
    â€œI’m here with Sabbi Ribiero, one of the stars of Teens of New York. Sabbi, can you believe the cruise is almost drawing to a close?”
    Sabbi wets her lips and gushes, “Tom, this cruise has been life-changing for me and so many others. We girls, you know, we worry so much about what we can eat. We have to watch our figures for you men!”
    â€œActually,” I say. “I think you have that backward. We watch your figures for you!”
    She swipes at me playfully.
    â€œWell, what I’m trying to say is that all that worrying, all that obsessing about weight—we don’t have to do it anymore thanks to Solu.”
    â€œWe have seen some significant weight loss,” I lie.
    â€œEverybody is looking fantastic! I mean, I’m seeing fifty-year-old men and just a few days ago, they were looking pretty porky, and now I’m like, who is that ?!”
    Wow. She’s amazingly good at this. She just sold all the men in America on Solu.
    â€œSabbi, what about the cruise itself? The service? The meals?”
    â€œOh, the food, the porters, everything. They’ve done an amazing job. I will never go on any cruise ship besides the Lux Line in my life ever.”
    The cruise people are going to love that.
    â€œSo what’s your favorite thing about Solu?”
    There’s a gleam in her eye as she answers.
    â€œIt’s funny, because I imagine you will think I’m going to say it’s the weight loss. But you know what, it’s not that. Solu makes you feel good. It makes you feel special and alive.”
    Sabbi gestures me close to her and leans in to the camera, tilting her body slightly so the camera gets more cleavage.
    â€œI think there’s something in the Solu itself, that makes you feel just a little, itsy, bitsy bit…”
    She purses her lips, then releases them. She shivers.
    â€œExcited.”
    Tamara gives me two thumbs way, way up and I know Sabbi just earned her million dollars.
    And my respect.
    She is a pro.
    â€œIt’s really true, what they say,” Sabbi continues, “‘Solu: Life’s delicious.’”
    And she worked their ad slogan in?! I’m blown away.
    The thing is—I’m not into her.
    I’m not.
    I can’t fake it.
    I’m sitting here thinking about Laurel and that if she knew that I was contemplating this thing with Sabbi …
    Well, it would hurt her feelings, for one.
    And she’d probably think I was sleazy.
    Because … because it is sleazy. It’s fake to pretend you like someone so people will take your picture and help you stay famous.
    Seems like something I should have figured out a good long while ago.
    Sabbi looks at me as her wardrobe guy fishes the lav mic out of her bust.
    â€œThat was fun,” she says.
    I’m going to have to figure out how to tell Sabbi.
    I think a call to Derek is in high order.
    I smile at Sabbi.
    â€œThat was great!” I tell her. “You’re amazing.”
    â€œMmm, I was beginning to wonder when you’d figure that out!” she says with a wink.
    I kiss her hand and get the hell out of there.

 
    LAUREL
    DAY THREE
    LAST NIGHT A LITTLE CARD was set on our (luxurious, fabulously plump) pillows along with the Solu chocolate. It was an appointment card informing us that our weigh-in time for today is 10:00 a.m.
    Viv is super-excited about it.
    I am not so excited. Of course, I haven’t lost any weight, so why would I be? But Viv reminds me that getting weighed every other day is actually mandatory—we signed an agreement when her dad bought the tickets that we’d participate.
    â€œAre you sure you