going to hurt you both but I need to focus on me. Does that make sense? I love you, you know that.”
“Of course we do,” Mum wraps me in her arms and I fight the tears I feel rising. “We’ll do whatever you want. Whenever you need us to.”
“Thank you.” I whisper. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I kiss them both, tell them I love them then head upstairs. Tomorrow is going to be difficult enough without me being tired. I brush my teeth, remove my make up and climb into bed. I pick up Walter and hug him to my chest, switching off the light after I text Carter goodnight, because right now he’s the only person who knows what I’m going through and the only person who can make me feel even a little bit better.
Me: Goodnight Carter. Thank you for today X
Carter: I didn’t do anything, thank you for letting me cross one thing off my bucket list. Get some sleep. I’m here if you need me X
I wake up to rain.
Of course I do.
It’s almost torrential and hitting my window so hard it sounds like it’s trying to knock the house down. I get up and shower, spending more time than necessary under the hot water. I get dressed and try to empty my mind of all thoughts while I blow-dry my hair. It doesn’t work and all I can think of is what today has in store for me. I head downstairs and I’m greeted by Mum in the kitchen.
“Morning sweetheart.” she smiles.
I know she hasn’t slept, I can see it in her eyes. I can also see she’s been crying. I manage to put a smile on my face and take a seat at the dining table. Dad walks in a few seconds later and stops when he sees me, it’s clear from the look on his face he’s been crying too.
“I’m just going to have coffee then I’ll head off.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to have something to eat?” Dad asks, making me a coffee.
“My stomach is churning, if I eat, it will come back up. I’ll eat after.”
“Are you really sure we can’t come with you?” he asks, handing me my coffee.
“I’m positive. Please don’t take it that I don’t love you or need you, I just need to do this my way for now, while I still have some say in how this goes.”
“Okay,” he nods then kisses the top of my head. “I’m going for a walk, you do this your way, this is mine, I can’t sit here while you’re there. I’ll be back when you get home and if you need me, I have my phone. I love you, Carmen. You’re my little girl, even though you’re all grown up, you’ll always be my little girl.” his voice breaks and his shoulders shake.
I watch as he walks out of the kitchen and out of sight, I fight the tears and smile at Mum who looks just as sad as Dad. I suddenly can’t stomach the coffee either so I stand and tip it down the sink. Wrapping my arms around Mum from behind I tell her I love her and I’ll be back soon.
“I love you, too. I’m here when you need me.” she smiles, kissing my cheek.
The drive over to get Carter is a long one, even though it only takes me twenty minutes. I blast Whitney and sing at the top of my lungs and when I reach the hotel, I feel like every single emotion sits right on the surface, that one kind word, one smile and everything will come crashing down. I text Carter and let him know I’m here and he appears two minutes later, dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red and black shirt with his leather jacket over the top. He looks so shockingly handsome I actually forget what I’m about to face for a few seconds. I get out of the car to meet him and as he reaches me, he surprises me by pulling me to him and resting his cheek on the top of my head and taking a deep breath.
“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, because there’s no possible way you can be. But I will tell you, I’m here. If you need me to talk I’ll talk. If you need me to listen, l’ll listen and if you need me to leave, I’ll leave. But I’m also going to tell you, I’m here for as long as
“Of course we do,” Mum wraps me in her arms and I fight the tears I feel rising. “We’ll do whatever you want. Whenever you need us to.”
“Thank you.” I whisper. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I kiss them both, tell them I love them then head upstairs. Tomorrow is going to be difficult enough without me being tired. I brush my teeth, remove my make up and climb into bed. I pick up Walter and hug him to my chest, switching off the light after I text Carter goodnight, because right now he’s the only person who knows what I’m going through and the only person who can make me feel even a little bit better.
Me: Goodnight Carter. Thank you for today X
Carter: I didn’t do anything, thank you for letting me cross one thing off my bucket list. Get some sleep. I’m here if you need me X
I wake up to rain.
Of course I do.
It’s almost torrential and hitting my window so hard it sounds like it’s trying to knock the house down. I get up and shower, spending more time than necessary under the hot water. I get dressed and try to empty my mind of all thoughts while I blow-dry my hair. It doesn’t work and all I can think of is what today has in store for me. I head downstairs and I’m greeted by Mum in the kitchen.
“Morning sweetheart.” she smiles.
I know she hasn’t slept, I can see it in her eyes. I can also see she’s been crying. I manage to put a smile on my face and take a seat at the dining table. Dad walks in a few seconds later and stops when he sees me, it’s clear from the look on his face he’s been crying too.
“I’m just going to have coffee then I’ll head off.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to have something to eat?” Dad asks, making me a coffee.
“My stomach is churning, if I eat, it will come back up. I’ll eat after.”
“Are you really sure we can’t come with you?” he asks, handing me my coffee.
“I’m positive. Please don’t take it that I don’t love you or need you, I just need to do this my way for now, while I still have some say in how this goes.”
“Okay,” he nods then kisses the top of my head. “I’m going for a walk, you do this your way, this is mine, I can’t sit here while you’re there. I’ll be back when you get home and if you need me, I have my phone. I love you, Carmen. You’re my little girl, even though you’re all grown up, you’ll always be my little girl.” his voice breaks and his shoulders shake.
I watch as he walks out of the kitchen and out of sight, I fight the tears and smile at Mum who looks just as sad as Dad. I suddenly can’t stomach the coffee either so I stand and tip it down the sink. Wrapping my arms around Mum from behind I tell her I love her and I’ll be back soon.
“I love you, too. I’m here when you need me.” she smiles, kissing my cheek.
The drive over to get Carter is a long one, even though it only takes me twenty minutes. I blast Whitney and sing at the top of my lungs and when I reach the hotel, I feel like every single emotion sits right on the surface, that one kind word, one smile and everything will come crashing down. I text Carter and let him know I’m here and he appears two minutes later, dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red and black shirt with his leather jacket over the top. He looks so shockingly handsome I actually forget what I’m about to face for a few seconds. I get out of the car to meet him and as he reaches me, he surprises me by pulling me to him and resting his cheek on the top of my head and taking a deep breath.
“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, because there’s no possible way you can be. But I will tell you, I’m here. If you need me to talk I’ll talk. If you need me to listen, l’ll listen and if you need me to leave, I’ll leave. But I’m also going to tell you, I’m here for as long as
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