you need me, and in whatever way you need me to be, okay?”
That does it.
The wall comes tumbling down and there isn’t anything I can do about it and I suddenly regret my decision to drive myself to the hospital. We stand there on the street, me sobbing my heart out and Carter trying his best to soothe me for I don’t know how long. When I eventually have some kind of control on my emotions, we slip into the car and make the drive to the hospital. Every second seems to weigh so heavily on me, like I can feel the physical weight of everything on me right now. We arrive at the hospital and I realise I don’t remember any of the journey at all. I find a space to park and we head to the main building and to the department stated on my letter.
With a shaking hand, Carter reaches for mine and squeezes it. I squeeze it back and in that one action, I feel stronger, something awakens inside of me and I know, whatever they tell me, I’ll be okay.
At least I hope I will be.
We find the clinic and I give the receptionist my name, we’re told to take a seat and I’ll be called soon. Everything is so clinical, so sterile and I can’t help but look around the room and meet the eyes of every other female in there. They’re all facing the same thing as me, all waiting to find out if they’ll have the chance to live a normal life after today or not. Time ticks by slowly yet all too soon, my name is called. Carter looks at me unsure what his place is now and I wish I could tell him, but I can’t because I’m not sure either.
“Please come with me.” I whisper, not able to face this alone.
“I’m here.” he tells me, smiling and taking my hand.
We follow the nurse down the corridor and into another room where a small, dark haired lady is waiting for us. She stands as we enter the room and introduces herself.
“Hello Miss Reid, I’m Dr Wallis, please take a seat.”
“Thank you,” I croak, unable to find my voice. “This is Carter… He’s… A friend.”
“Hello Carter.” she smiles as we take a seat. “I’m very sorry you have to be here today, but can I first assure you, you’re in the best possible place.” she smiles at me.
“I have no doubt.”
“Okay, let’s get this started shall we? The hospital in Sydney sent everything over, the results of your colposcopy, pelvic examination and blood tests. Along with your chest x-ray, CT and PET scan so we have everything we need here.”
“And?” I ask, just wanting to know what it is I have right now.
“Well, based on all your results they indicate you have stage two cervical cancer. I’m so sorry, Carmen.”
“That’s pretty much what they told me in Sydney,” I tell her. “What does it mean? Am… Am I dying?”
“We’ve caught it early, so the chances of a full recovery are very good. Do you understand what the stages mean?”
“No, we didn’t get that far.”
“Okay, let me explain.”
If you were to ask me what she said I couldn’t really tell you, all I can take in are words here and there; cancer has spread, hasn’t reached the tissues lining the pelvis, surgery to remove the womb, radiotherapy.
“Carmen? Have we lost you?” Dr Wallis asks.
“No, sorry… It’s just a lot to take in,” Carter squeezes my hand, just letting me know he’s there. “Please, go on.”
“The next few months are going to be difficult Carmen, I’m not going to pretend that any of this is going to be easy.”
“What’s the first stage?”
“Surgery. It’s called a radical hysterectomy. There really is no easy way of saying it. The surgery will involve the cervix, womb, surrounding tissue and lymph nodes, ovaries and fallopian tubes all being removed.”
“So I won’t be able to have children? Carry them myself?” I all but whisper.
“No… I really am sorry, Carmen. I wish I could tell you something different.”
“Oh my God.” I sob, choking on my tears.
“Hey.” Carter wraps his arms around me and just holds me.
I
That does it.
The wall comes tumbling down and there isn’t anything I can do about it and I suddenly regret my decision to drive myself to the hospital. We stand there on the street, me sobbing my heart out and Carter trying his best to soothe me for I don’t know how long. When I eventually have some kind of control on my emotions, we slip into the car and make the drive to the hospital. Every second seems to weigh so heavily on me, like I can feel the physical weight of everything on me right now. We arrive at the hospital and I realise I don’t remember any of the journey at all. I find a space to park and we head to the main building and to the department stated on my letter.
With a shaking hand, Carter reaches for mine and squeezes it. I squeeze it back and in that one action, I feel stronger, something awakens inside of me and I know, whatever they tell me, I’ll be okay.
At least I hope I will be.
We find the clinic and I give the receptionist my name, we’re told to take a seat and I’ll be called soon. Everything is so clinical, so sterile and I can’t help but look around the room and meet the eyes of every other female in there. They’re all facing the same thing as me, all waiting to find out if they’ll have the chance to live a normal life after today or not. Time ticks by slowly yet all too soon, my name is called. Carter looks at me unsure what his place is now and I wish I could tell him, but I can’t because I’m not sure either.
“Please come with me.” I whisper, not able to face this alone.
“I’m here.” he tells me, smiling and taking my hand.
We follow the nurse down the corridor and into another room where a small, dark haired lady is waiting for us. She stands as we enter the room and introduces herself.
“Hello Miss Reid, I’m Dr Wallis, please take a seat.”
“Thank you,” I croak, unable to find my voice. “This is Carter… He’s… A friend.”
“Hello Carter.” she smiles as we take a seat. “I’m very sorry you have to be here today, but can I first assure you, you’re in the best possible place.” she smiles at me.
“I have no doubt.”
“Okay, let’s get this started shall we? The hospital in Sydney sent everything over, the results of your colposcopy, pelvic examination and blood tests. Along with your chest x-ray, CT and PET scan so we have everything we need here.”
“And?” I ask, just wanting to know what it is I have right now.
“Well, based on all your results they indicate you have stage two cervical cancer. I’m so sorry, Carmen.”
“That’s pretty much what they told me in Sydney,” I tell her. “What does it mean? Am… Am I dying?”
“We’ve caught it early, so the chances of a full recovery are very good. Do you understand what the stages mean?”
“No, we didn’t get that far.”
“Okay, let me explain.”
If you were to ask me what she said I couldn’t really tell you, all I can take in are words here and there; cancer has spread, hasn’t reached the tissues lining the pelvis, surgery to remove the womb, radiotherapy.
“Carmen? Have we lost you?” Dr Wallis asks.
“No, sorry… It’s just a lot to take in,” Carter squeezes my hand, just letting me know he’s there. “Please, go on.”
“The next few months are going to be difficult Carmen, I’m not going to pretend that any of this is going to be easy.”
“What’s the first stage?”
“Surgery. It’s called a radical hysterectomy. There really is no easy way of saying it. The surgery will involve the cervix, womb, surrounding tissue and lymph nodes, ovaries and fallopian tubes all being removed.”
“So I won’t be able to have children? Carry them myself?” I all but whisper.
“No… I really am sorry, Carmen. I wish I could tell you something different.”
“Oh my God.” I sob, choking on my tears.
“Hey.” Carter wraps his arms around me and just holds me.
I
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