top of things at school. It just isnât easy. I really like my math teacher, Mrs. Verstat. Although I have never liked math she has had a huge impact on me this year. It is the one year I actually have received Aâs in math. Mrs. Verstat got class started a couple weeks ago and pulled me out in the hall. We talked for a long time. She asked me why I looked so down. I told her there are problems at home and school is a struggle. I explained to her that I feel my teachers doubt me because I do poorly on tests. Like I am slacker and donât give it my all. I told her I have so many dreams for my future, but I donât see it happening. With sisters who do so well in school as it comes so easy to them. Then there I am studying and I still struggle. Tears formed in my teacherâs eyes and she told me I could be anything I wanted to be and not to let anyone stop me. She told me I had a lot of strengths and determination and just because I do poorly on tests isnât going to stop me from becoming successful. She told me a little bit about her years in school and how her sister was better in school than she was, but that didnât stop her from giving it her all. Mrs. Verstat said we could work together on anything I was struggling in. Eventually the bell rang and I had to get to my next class. I was very touched by my teacherâs kind words to me. It is something that has made a deep impact on my outlook on life. Sheâll always have a special place in my heart.
Erin
MARCH, 2000 9:10 P.M.
I had the most exciting day. For years I wanted to go to an Oprah show. I have written her for years and finally got the call I have been waiting for. I wrote in awhile back about the topic of teens and depression. I wrote how I struggled with being depressed. They invited my mom and me to sit in the audience and watch the show. It wasnât the happiest show to see, but the whole day in general was an experience I will never forget. Driving to the city and then sitting in the audience with front row seats. It was all too good to be true. I also got a sweatshirt, hat, and t-shirt that say âOprah Winfrey Show.â I saw Oprah in person, which was much better then watching her on the TV. Mom took the day off work to go to the show. Mom also pulled me out of school for the entire day. After the show we went to lunch across the street. It was an altogether fun day.
Erin
MARCH, 2000 7:40 P.M.
I am in my bedroom and donât even want to leave. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I feel so far removed from the world around me. I feel like I am in some other world. Half the time I am somewhere else in my head reliving memories of the abuse. I canât remember the last time I felt true happiness. I wish all the icky feelings inside would just go away. The flashbacks I continue to have and the nightmares that keep me up at night. It is like I am still running from Brian. I pray so hard that God will help me. I want to live in the present, not the past.
Erin
APRIL, 2000 9:00 P.M.
I am getting ready for bed, but Iâm not tired at all. I have been coming home from school and sleeping all the time. It is the only time I feel good. No one understands my pain. I am so sad and feel so lost in this world. Mom sat down with me and told me she wanted me to talk to her about my feelings. I told mom that I wanted to have a healthy relationship with her and tell her about the good things, not the bad. Lately Iâve been having thoughts of ending my life. I feel I donât belong here anymore. I would be much happier with God than anywhere else. I just couldnât put my family through that. They have been through enough. I wouldnât want to cause them any more pain, but I just donât know where to turn. I feel locked up inside. Like I am living in a prison that I canât escape. My dreams are what keep me alive. Dreaming of going to college, getting married, and having children. Good
Erin
MARCH, 2000 9:10 P.M.
I had the most exciting day. For years I wanted to go to an Oprah show. I have written her for years and finally got the call I have been waiting for. I wrote in awhile back about the topic of teens and depression. I wrote how I struggled with being depressed. They invited my mom and me to sit in the audience and watch the show. It wasnât the happiest show to see, but the whole day in general was an experience I will never forget. Driving to the city and then sitting in the audience with front row seats. It was all too good to be true. I also got a sweatshirt, hat, and t-shirt that say âOprah Winfrey Show.â I saw Oprah in person, which was much better then watching her on the TV. Mom took the day off work to go to the show. Mom also pulled me out of school for the entire day. After the show we went to lunch across the street. It was an altogether fun day.
Erin
MARCH, 2000 7:40 P.M.
I am in my bedroom and donât even want to leave. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I feel so far removed from the world around me. I feel like I am in some other world. Half the time I am somewhere else in my head reliving memories of the abuse. I canât remember the last time I felt true happiness. I wish all the icky feelings inside would just go away. The flashbacks I continue to have and the nightmares that keep me up at night. It is like I am still running from Brian. I pray so hard that God will help me. I want to live in the present, not the past.
Erin
APRIL, 2000 9:00 P.M.
I am getting ready for bed, but Iâm not tired at all. I have been coming home from school and sleeping all the time. It is the only time I feel good. No one understands my pain. I am so sad and feel so lost in this world. Mom sat down with me and told me she wanted me to talk to her about my feelings. I told mom that I wanted to have a healthy relationship with her and tell her about the good things, not the bad. Lately Iâve been having thoughts of ending my life. I feel I donât belong here anymore. I would be much happier with God than anywhere else. I just couldnât put my family through that. They have been through enough. I wouldnât want to cause them any more pain, but I just donât know where to turn. I feel locked up inside. Like I am living in a prison that I canât escape. My dreams are what keep me alive. Dreaming of going to college, getting married, and having children. Good
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