night!
Erin
APRIL, 2000 7:30 P.M.
I just got home from Wisconsin. It was Easter weekend.
We all went down to grandma and grandpaâs except mom. She stayed at the house. She doesnât appreciate the way she is treated by my dadâs family. Brian was there and I didnât even look at him. I avoided him all together. I feel so uncomfortable around the family. Like everything is all an act. They are in so much denial about the past. Majority of them believe it was something minor. I didnât stay long, just long enough to get something to eat and leave. I began to have a flashback of the night in grandma and grandpaâs condo in Wisconsin. Thinking back now I wonder how long Brian was abusing me before I woke up. It is something that lingers in the back of my head all the time. I have tried to block out so many memories, but there are too many to forget.
Erin
JUNE, 2000 11:05 PM
My junior high years are finally over. High school is the next big step for me. I remember my first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday. I canât believe how fast time has gone. My parents enjoy reminding me of the little terror I was as a kid. I turned to my first grade teacher one day and said, âYou have gray hair.â Ever since then she has been dying her hair. Another time I said something inappropriate was when I told this same teacher that she had long toenails. She had slip on shoes and took them off when reading a story. We went on our eighth grade trip to navy pier and went on the biggest boat on Lake Michigan. We got our pictures taken, ate lunch, and danced. It was a great way to end the year. We then had graduation that took place at the high school. Now it will be off to high school at the end of August. I am really nervous for high school. On top of that Brian will be there. He will be a senior, which will really suck. His parents held him back an extra year when he was going into kindergarten, otherwise he would already graduated. I am going to have to face him every day at school. I really donât know how I am going to do it. It has been hard enough trying to hold everything in, but having to hold everything in and face him every day seems impossible. I donât even want to think about it.
Erin
JUNE, 2000 12:00 P.M.
I went to Wisconsin today for the weekend. The weather is just starting to warm up. My whole family had a campfire tonight. The stars were so bright. It was one of those nights I could just fall asleep under the stars. It is so peaceful and relaxing. If I wait long enough I can see a shooting star across the sky. The people that live behind us are coming up tomorrow. We are probably going out to dinner with them and then playing cards. We also spend Fourth of July with them. All my relatives go to this resort and eat dinner. My parents, sisters and I go to the same resort, but barbequed at home before we went. We sat by my dadâs high school friends and watch fireworks. This is one holiday we always spend without the other relatives. For so long now I have been pushing so much pain down that I am to the point that I am numb inside. Life just seems to get harder as the days go by.
Erin
AUGUST, 2000 10:30 P.M.
I played cards tonight with Allie and mom. This summer has been going ok. The weather has been great. This month will be pretty hectic. My parents are preparing to send Caitlin off to college. She is going to University of Illinois. She will be studying elementary education. So she wonât be living at home anymore. Then I will be making the big step to high school, which will be a new experience for me. I hope I do well in high school. My schedule came and I have classes with some people I know. I have lunch with a bunch of my friends, which will be nice. I just hope I donât see Brian. He is pretty well known around school, since he is captain of the football team. I hope they lose every game. Anyway I need to walk Chance one more time before going to bed.
Erin
APRIL, 2000 7:30 P.M.
I just got home from Wisconsin. It was Easter weekend.
We all went down to grandma and grandpaâs except mom. She stayed at the house. She doesnât appreciate the way she is treated by my dadâs family. Brian was there and I didnât even look at him. I avoided him all together. I feel so uncomfortable around the family. Like everything is all an act. They are in so much denial about the past. Majority of them believe it was something minor. I didnât stay long, just long enough to get something to eat and leave. I began to have a flashback of the night in grandma and grandpaâs condo in Wisconsin. Thinking back now I wonder how long Brian was abusing me before I woke up. It is something that lingers in the back of my head all the time. I have tried to block out so many memories, but there are too many to forget.
Erin
JUNE, 2000 11:05 PM
My junior high years are finally over. High school is the next big step for me. I remember my first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday. I canât believe how fast time has gone. My parents enjoy reminding me of the little terror I was as a kid. I turned to my first grade teacher one day and said, âYou have gray hair.â Ever since then she has been dying her hair. Another time I said something inappropriate was when I told this same teacher that she had long toenails. She had slip on shoes and took them off when reading a story. We went on our eighth grade trip to navy pier and went on the biggest boat on Lake Michigan. We got our pictures taken, ate lunch, and danced. It was a great way to end the year. We then had graduation that took place at the high school. Now it will be off to high school at the end of August. I am really nervous for high school. On top of that Brian will be there. He will be a senior, which will really suck. His parents held him back an extra year when he was going into kindergarten, otherwise he would already graduated. I am going to have to face him every day at school. I really donât know how I am going to do it. It has been hard enough trying to hold everything in, but having to hold everything in and face him every day seems impossible. I donât even want to think about it.
Erin
JUNE, 2000 12:00 P.M.
I went to Wisconsin today for the weekend. The weather is just starting to warm up. My whole family had a campfire tonight. The stars were so bright. It was one of those nights I could just fall asleep under the stars. It is so peaceful and relaxing. If I wait long enough I can see a shooting star across the sky. The people that live behind us are coming up tomorrow. We are probably going out to dinner with them and then playing cards. We also spend Fourth of July with them. All my relatives go to this resort and eat dinner. My parents, sisters and I go to the same resort, but barbequed at home before we went. We sat by my dadâs high school friends and watch fireworks. This is one holiday we always spend without the other relatives. For so long now I have been pushing so much pain down that I am to the point that I am numb inside. Life just seems to get harder as the days go by.
Erin
AUGUST, 2000 10:30 P.M.
I played cards tonight with Allie and mom. This summer has been going ok. The weather has been great. This month will be pretty hectic. My parents are preparing to send Caitlin off to college. She is going to University of Illinois. She will be studying elementary education. So she wonât be living at home anymore. Then I will be making the big step to high school, which will be a new experience for me. I hope I do well in high school. My schedule came and I have classes with some people I know. I have lunch with a bunch of my friends, which will be nice. I just hope I donât see Brian. He is pretty well known around school, since he is captain of the football team. I hope they lose every game. Anyway I need to walk Chance one more time before going to bed.
Similar Books
