Night!
Erin
AUGUST, 2000 9:15 P.M.
High school will start tomorrow. I am really nervous and canât fall asleep. It will be weird seeing my mom in the cafeteria all the time. She leaves later than me in the morning. A family friend is taking me to school everyday. I go to her youth group with her and her brother and sisters every week. She has been nice enough to offer to take me to school every morning. Mom will take me home since she gets off the same time I do. I am signed up for private driver training classes. It is a three-week course and then it is just a matter of waiting until I am sixteen to get my license. The freedom to drive will be fun. I have to get up early so I better get to sleep. Good night!
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 8:45 P.M.
High school has been going ok. I am well adjusted, but struggling with flashbacks. We recently had a high school pep rally in the gym and during the pep rally the football players came out. My English teacher is the announcer during the pep rally and turned to the crowd and told everyone that the next person he is about to call up is a hero to our school. He then said could you give a loud cheer for captain of the football team, Brian. My stomach turned to knots and anger just filled me. How could they call him a hero? That is the last thing he should be considered. To make matters worse, a friend sitting next to me at the game asked if that was my cousin. I told her he was and she asked if I was proud of him. It just pissed me off even more. I couldnât believe thousands of people were cheering for Brian. If only they knew his past. I so badly wanted to get up and shout to the entire gymnasium what he put me through. Instead I sat there biting my tongue and holding back the tears. My night was ruined and I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I cried myself to sleep later that night.
Tonight I went out with my new friend, Sarah, who is also a freshman in high school. She is in my first hour study hall and second hour gym class. I told her about my past. She has been sitting with me at the pep rally and understood a little of my pain. I need to get started on English homework.
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 5:05 P.M.
I just got back from driver training. I learned up hill and down hill parking. It was very easy. We went driving afterwards. I am very uncomfortable in the car with my driving teacher. He and I are alone for an hour driving around. I often wonder if he is capable of hurting me the way Brain did.
I have another really good friend this year. Her name is Jackie and she has also had a rough past. She doesnât even live with her parents. She lives in a group home in my town. Her mother lost custody of her and her dad is dead. She is very depressed, but we try to lean on each other for support. She is one person I feel understands me. She is in my English class. We pass notes all the time. I really like my English teacher, Mr. Berns. The scary thing is my dad had Mr. Berns as a teacher when he went to my high school. He is a great teacher. I am thinking about trying out for the bowling team at high school. Just something fun to do and keep me busy. Well, mom needs help making dinner so I will end this here.
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 1:20 A.M.
I just woke up from a terrible nightmare and canât fall back asleep. I have school in the morning and Iâm going to be exhausted. Brian was chasing me in my dream and I kept running and running on this road surrounded by cornfields. It seemed the more I ran the longer the road got and Brain was getting closer and closer. I eventually fell flat on my face and Brian began attacking me and I immediately woke up sweating and shaking. I canât even get a good nightâs sleep without being haunted by my past. I just wish I could erase everything and start over. Sigh.
Erin
NOVEMBER, 2000 9:20 P.M.
Caitlin is coming home for the weekend. This will be her first time home since she left for college. I made the bowling team and
Erin
AUGUST, 2000 9:15 P.M.
High school will start tomorrow. I am really nervous and canât fall asleep. It will be weird seeing my mom in the cafeteria all the time. She leaves later than me in the morning. A family friend is taking me to school everyday. I go to her youth group with her and her brother and sisters every week. She has been nice enough to offer to take me to school every morning. Mom will take me home since she gets off the same time I do. I am signed up for private driver training classes. It is a three-week course and then it is just a matter of waiting until I am sixteen to get my license. The freedom to drive will be fun. I have to get up early so I better get to sleep. Good night!
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 8:45 P.M.
High school has been going ok. I am well adjusted, but struggling with flashbacks. We recently had a high school pep rally in the gym and during the pep rally the football players came out. My English teacher is the announcer during the pep rally and turned to the crowd and told everyone that the next person he is about to call up is a hero to our school. He then said could you give a loud cheer for captain of the football team, Brian. My stomach turned to knots and anger just filled me. How could they call him a hero? That is the last thing he should be considered. To make matters worse, a friend sitting next to me at the game asked if that was my cousin. I told her he was and she asked if I was proud of him. It just pissed me off even more. I couldnât believe thousands of people were cheering for Brian. If only they knew his past. I so badly wanted to get up and shout to the entire gymnasium what he put me through. Instead I sat there biting my tongue and holding back the tears. My night was ruined and I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I cried myself to sleep later that night.
Tonight I went out with my new friend, Sarah, who is also a freshman in high school. She is in my first hour study hall and second hour gym class. I told her about my past. She has been sitting with me at the pep rally and understood a little of my pain. I need to get started on English homework.
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 5:05 P.M.
I just got back from driver training. I learned up hill and down hill parking. It was very easy. We went driving afterwards. I am very uncomfortable in the car with my driving teacher. He and I are alone for an hour driving around. I often wonder if he is capable of hurting me the way Brain did.
I have another really good friend this year. Her name is Jackie and she has also had a rough past. She doesnât even live with her parents. She lives in a group home in my town. Her mother lost custody of her and her dad is dead. She is very depressed, but we try to lean on each other for support. She is one person I feel understands me. She is in my English class. We pass notes all the time. I really like my English teacher, Mr. Berns. The scary thing is my dad had Mr. Berns as a teacher when he went to my high school. He is a great teacher. I am thinking about trying out for the bowling team at high school. Just something fun to do and keep me busy. Well, mom needs help making dinner so I will end this here.
Erin
OCTOBER, 2000 1:20 A.M.
I just woke up from a terrible nightmare and canât fall back asleep. I have school in the morning and Iâm going to be exhausted. Brian was chasing me in my dream and I kept running and running on this road surrounded by cornfields. It seemed the more I ran the longer the road got and Brain was getting closer and closer. I eventually fell flat on my face and Brian began attacking me and I immediately woke up sweating and shaking. I canât even get a good nightâs sleep without being haunted by my past. I just wish I could erase everything and start over. Sigh.
Erin
NOVEMBER, 2000 9:20 P.M.
Caitlin is coming home for the weekend. This will be her first time home since she left for college. I made the bowling team and
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