Stand Strong: You Can Overcome Bullying (and Other Stuff That Keeps You Down) by Nick Vujicic Page A
Authors: Nick Vujicic
Ads: Link
successful, more confident, and happier.
Notice I didn’t tell you that you should control your negative emotions. This is because you really can’t control those feelings. The part of the brain that creates emotional responses has its own control room, and you don’t have a key. Sorry, but that is not an excuse to shove an entire pie in your sister’s face when she makes fun of you! You are still responsible for your actions.
People often are confused about the difference between controlling bad feelings and controlling actions. When we are very young, most of our emotional reactions are the result of triggers hard wired into our DNA, because over the centuries of human development, they were proven to help us survive in an often-hostile world.
As we get older, we have experiences upon which we form judgments so our emotional responses become more individualized. They are still automatic responses—meaning we have no control over them—but they are based on our value judgments and therefore may not be the correct responses. For example, you may fear someone based on a false story you heard about her. Or you may be naturally drawn to a man you don’t know because he looks like your favorite uncle.
Emotions are useful in that they allow us to make very fast value judgments at times when fast responses are needed; for example, reacting quickly when you see an alligator swimming toward you with its jaws opened wide. But negative emotions can be bullies that push you to do crazy things that might hurt you and your relationships. You should first seek to understand what is behind the negative emotion before deciding how to respond to it. If you realize the feelings are based on incorrect information—the girl really isn’t a bully or the man isn’t your uncle—then you need to figure out how to respond accordingly.
When a mean dog appears out of nowhere and starts snarling and snapping its teeth in your direction, you feel scared. Your heart starts pounding. You breathe more rapidly. Maybe the hair on the back of your neck stands up or your face reddens.
All those physical responses are triggered by the same warning system that set off your feelings of fear. You can’t control those feelings or the initial physical response, but if you see that the dog is on a leash, chained to a stake in the ground, or just a poodle with a big-dog bark, you can manage your response to the emotions accordingly.
Often you do this without thinking about it. You take a deep breath and get your breathing under control, slowing it down, which helps your heart rate slow down too. Maybe you laugh at yourself for being so frightened since we often use humor to release stress. You might even shout out, “Phew! That pit bull scared me.”
Do you see what’s happening here? When you realize the dog is not a serious and immediate threat, you recognize your emotions as invalid and adjust your response! It’s a very natural process, and you can do the same thing when confronted by a bully—even if the bully does pose a threat. You have that power, and it’s a good one to use.
Later in the book, I’ll offer guidance on several ways to respond to bullies and which ways may be best for you in particular. For now, I want to give you the gift of emotional awarenessand the power to choose your physical responses to your emotions.
T HE S PACE B ETWEEN F EELING AND A CTING
Emotions are natural and you feel what you feel. But the quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings. You see, a space, a time interval, and an opportunity lie between the point at which you feel something and the point at which you act on that feeling.
The quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings.
This space is a gift. I’m not kidding about that. Psychologists say people who learn to use this space wisely are generally much more successful in life than those who
Notice I didn’t tell you that you should control your negative emotions. This is because you really can’t control those feelings. The part of the brain that creates emotional responses has its own control room, and you don’t have a key. Sorry, but that is not an excuse to shove an entire pie in your sister’s face when she makes fun of you! You are still responsible for your actions.
People often are confused about the difference between controlling bad feelings and controlling actions. When we are very young, most of our emotional reactions are the result of triggers hard wired into our DNA, because over the centuries of human development, they were proven to help us survive in an often-hostile world.
As we get older, we have experiences upon which we form judgments so our emotional responses become more individualized. They are still automatic responses—meaning we have no control over them—but they are based on our value judgments and therefore may not be the correct responses. For example, you may fear someone based on a false story you heard about her. Or you may be naturally drawn to a man you don’t know because he looks like your favorite uncle.
Emotions are useful in that they allow us to make very fast value judgments at times when fast responses are needed; for example, reacting quickly when you see an alligator swimming toward you with its jaws opened wide. But negative emotions can be bullies that push you to do crazy things that might hurt you and your relationships. You should first seek to understand what is behind the negative emotion before deciding how to respond to it. If you realize the feelings are based on incorrect information—the girl really isn’t a bully or the man isn’t your uncle—then you need to figure out how to respond accordingly.
When a mean dog appears out of nowhere and starts snarling and snapping its teeth in your direction, you feel scared. Your heart starts pounding. You breathe more rapidly. Maybe the hair on the back of your neck stands up or your face reddens.
All those physical responses are triggered by the same warning system that set off your feelings of fear. You can’t control those feelings or the initial physical response, but if you see that the dog is on a leash, chained to a stake in the ground, or just a poodle with a big-dog bark, you can manage your response to the emotions accordingly.
Often you do this without thinking about it. You take a deep breath and get your breathing under control, slowing it down, which helps your heart rate slow down too. Maybe you laugh at yourself for being so frightened since we often use humor to release stress. You might even shout out, “Phew! That pit bull scared me.”
Do you see what’s happening here? When you realize the dog is not a serious and immediate threat, you recognize your emotions as invalid and adjust your response! It’s a very natural process, and you can do the same thing when confronted by a bully—even if the bully does pose a threat. You have that power, and it’s a good one to use.
Later in the book, I’ll offer guidance on several ways to respond to bullies and which ways may be best for you in particular. For now, I want to give you the gift of emotional awarenessand the power to choose your physical responses to your emotions.
T HE S PACE B ETWEEN F EELING AND A CTING
Emotions are natural and you feel what you feel. But the quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings. You see, a space, a time interval, and an opportunity lie between the point at which you feel something and the point at which you act on that feeling.
The quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings.
This space is a gift. I’m not kidding about that. Psychologists say people who learn to use this space wisely are generally much more successful in life than those who
Similar Books
