chapter one
My hiking boots slopped through soft mud. Cedar branches slapped my face and young alder trees brushed against my knees. The trail was so overgrown it looked like no one had used it since the last time weâd been there.
That was three years ago, before Mom got sick.
Dad veered off the trail in front of me. He pushed through thick undergrowth toward arocky cliff. This was Momâs favorite place in the whole world. It made me feel good just to be here again. At the same time, something inside me felt like crying.
We climbed up the rocks on all fours. It wasnât a difficult climb, not so steep we needed ropes, but we had to work. At the top Dad and I stood on a moss-covered rock and looked down. The steep, forested hillside dropped away to a sea as blue as the sky. Dark green islands dotted the calm water. In the distance, the white cone of Mount Baker seemed to hang suspended over low hills.
âThe top of the world,â I whispered.
Thatâs what Mom had always called this place.
Dad nodded. He had been so quiet all morning I knew he had something important to tell me. Thatâs the way he is. Sometimes he takes forever to get words out of his mouth.
We settled on the rocks and unpacked our lunch. I gobbled down two sandwiches and bit into an apple. Dad took one bite of his sandwich and stared at the view.
It was time to help him out. âDid you decide not to marry Patti after all?â I crossed my fingers, hoping he would say yes. Maybe thatâs why he wanted to come back here, to Momâs place, today.
He looked surprised. âOf course not. Why would I change my mind?â
I glanced around, at the trees, the mountain, our hiking boots. âOh, I donât know, maybe because sheâs not your type?â
âJessica, I love Patti, thatâs not going to change.â
Ouch, that hurt
. âBut you did tell her we donât want to spend our vacation on her stupid boat?â
âJess, look, Iâm sorry butâ¦â
âI donât believe this! You
want
to go, donât you? What about our hiking trip?â Tears stung my eyes as I turned away.
How could he do this to me?
âI thought it would be fun to try something different for a change. We can go hiking another time.â
So this was his big news? The hiking trip we had planned all year was not going to happen? Too angry to sit still, I leapt up and tossed my apple at him. It bounced off his chest. âIâm not going with you!â I shouted.
Dad stood up too, his face red with anger. âNow you listen to me, Jessica! Iâm your father and I say youâre coming. Like it or not.â
âHow could I possibly
like
it?â I asked coolly. Itâs funny how that worked. The angrier my father got the calmer I felt inside. And the more determined.
He looked at me and daggers shot from his eyes. It hurt almost like real daggers, but I pretended not to care. He threw his arms in the air and took a step toward me. âI donât understand,â he said. âWe had such a good time last year.â He paused and his eyes searched my face. The daggers were replaced with a pleading that twisted at my heart. âDidnât we?â he asked softly.
I leaned my head back and peered down my nose at him. The hard angry line of his jaw softened and his mouth hung open. Dad didnât look so scary now. He looked sad. I knew I could hurt him then, all I had to do was say no
.
I stared over his shoulder, away from his face. If I thought about last summer I would turn into mush. We were so close then. My dad had treated me like an equal, even though I had been only thirteen. And he never expected less of me because I was a girl. That was important to me.
âDidnât you enjoy our trip last summer?â he asked weakly.
âYeah.â I had to admit, âIt was fun.â
I shut the memories behind a black wall in my mind. I couldnât afford to
C. J. Cherryh
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