probably
talked him into it.
I love Tom!!!
I also failed to mention I saw Rich’s sister
downstairs at Mary St! She made me miss Rich even more. She looked
so much like him last night, my heart tore. I gave her a big hug
and a kiss. She talked about him coming home, and my heart soared.
Was confirmation he IS actually coming home. Not just saying he is
then bailing, like he did last time.
I had such a ball with Dan last night. We were
blind! We haven’t laughed like that together in ages. Dan is so fun
to go out with.
I’m feeling the effects today. My cough’s no
worse but I feel beaten. I’m literally sore to touch all
over.
I’m so happy I got to go out though. Totally
worth it!! There’s nothing like a night out on the town…can get me
through weeks!! I like live off it for awhile.
6.45pm
Just got really sad again. Coming down from my
high!
I want to be back at work. I’m so
lonely.
Thursday 10 August 2000
12.53pm
So bored, and still have half a day to
fill.
I’ve already taken Mum and Trevor to the shops,
then I went to Indro, wandered around.
(like a lost human being)
I’ve spoken to Nat, and she’s not sure about
moving out with me now!!! That so upset me, cause I was so looking
forward to it.
She’s probably worried her boyfriend and her
sister will go out clubbing on week nights too much!!!
(she should be worried. We so would!!! And
it’ll be so fun!!)
5.02pm
I went and did some food shopping at Fairfield,
then went for a drive along the river, to get my mind off
everything.
It didn’t work, but it was beautiful. I love
feeling the sun on me so much!!
Something’s happened to me lately. I’ve become
so restless. I can’t find enough to do. I’m so bored all the
time.
I guess I’m just a bit stir-crazy too. I’ve
already had like a year like this, off with my back, then I finally
get my life back and get felled by whopping cough.
(and the flu. Stupid evil flu)
I’m waiting for Dan to ring, to tell me what
time to meet him and Josh at the gym.
9.19pm
Met Dan and Josh at the gym at like 6.20pm. I
went hard for an hour and a half! Proud of myself. The gym’s a
great way to get my mind off Evvy, since I’m too busy dying, trying
to make it to the end, to even think of him.
The exercise made me feel so good!
Dan and I were talking about Evvy tonight, and
I was wondering whether to just bite the bullet, accept the fucker
as he is and his relationship limitations, but Dan was all, no,
don’t give in, that I can’t NOT care about him, I need it proper.
It’s who I am!
(is it??)
I’m in it for love, he said, which is very
true.
He’s right. I’ll still be as miserable as I was
if I go back to him as it was.
Only 3 more days till I’m back at work. Thank
God.
Friday 11 August 2000
2.13pm
I’m having a picnic
(by myself – story of my life)
at Forest Lake. It’s heavenly. I love it. I
love being out in nature, near water or on water,
especially.
I’m in that exact spot Sherrie and I had our
picnic last year. I’m reading through all my old diaries. Gives me
perspective sometimes.
I was so settled, so happy, in my last diary.
Just happy in my own existence. Now I feel frazzled and unsettled
again.
That’s what men do to you.
I feel like I’ve allowed Evvy to flip me upside
down, and I’m losing myself again in our ‘not’
relationship.
I’ve taken everything for granted again…all
that pain I went through, all that abuse. I’m not where I was, so I
need to just chill, and enjoy life and people again. And maybe just
chill and enjoy Evvy??
I had so many more worries and debts back then,
too, far more than I have now. I’ve gotten through so much worse,
AND, it’s over. I’m free.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from
my shoulders.
I’ve also forgotten, WAY TOO EASILY, how awful
love is. Or is for me, anyway.
Love should be magical, beautiful,
unforgettable. It should
talked him into it.
I love Tom!!!
I also failed to mention I saw Rich’s sister
downstairs at Mary St! She made me miss Rich even more. She looked
so much like him last night, my heart tore. I gave her a big hug
and a kiss. She talked about him coming home, and my heart soared.
Was confirmation he IS actually coming home. Not just saying he is
then bailing, like he did last time.
I had such a ball with Dan last night. We were
blind! We haven’t laughed like that together in ages. Dan is so fun
to go out with.
I’m feeling the effects today. My cough’s no
worse but I feel beaten. I’m literally sore to touch all
over.
I’m so happy I got to go out though. Totally
worth it!! There’s nothing like a night out on the town…can get me
through weeks!! I like live off it for awhile.
6.45pm
Just got really sad again. Coming down from my
high!
I want to be back at work. I’m so
lonely.
Thursday 10 August 2000
12.53pm
So bored, and still have half a day to
fill.
I’ve already taken Mum and Trevor to the shops,
then I went to Indro, wandered around.
(like a lost human being)
I’ve spoken to Nat, and she’s not sure about
moving out with me now!!! That so upset me, cause I was so looking
forward to it.
She’s probably worried her boyfriend and her
sister will go out clubbing on week nights too much!!!
(she should be worried. We so would!!! And
it’ll be so fun!!)
5.02pm
I went and did some food shopping at Fairfield,
then went for a drive along the river, to get my mind off
everything.
It didn’t work, but it was beautiful. I love
feeling the sun on me so much!!
Something’s happened to me lately. I’ve become
so restless. I can’t find enough to do. I’m so bored all the
time.
I guess I’m just a bit stir-crazy too. I’ve
already had like a year like this, off with my back, then I finally
get my life back and get felled by whopping cough.
(and the flu. Stupid evil flu)
I’m waiting for Dan to ring, to tell me what
time to meet him and Josh at the gym.
9.19pm
Met Dan and Josh at the gym at like 6.20pm. I
went hard for an hour and a half! Proud of myself. The gym’s a
great way to get my mind off Evvy, since I’m too busy dying, trying
to make it to the end, to even think of him.
The exercise made me feel so good!
Dan and I were talking about Evvy tonight, and
I was wondering whether to just bite the bullet, accept the fucker
as he is and his relationship limitations, but Dan was all, no,
don’t give in, that I can’t NOT care about him, I need it proper.
It’s who I am!
(is it??)
I’m in it for love, he said, which is very
true.
He’s right. I’ll still be as miserable as I was
if I go back to him as it was.
Only 3 more days till I’m back at work. Thank
God.
Friday 11 August 2000
2.13pm
I’m having a picnic
(by myself – story of my life)
at Forest Lake. It’s heavenly. I love it. I
love being out in nature, near water or on water,
especially.
I’m in that exact spot Sherrie and I had our
picnic last year. I’m reading through all my old diaries. Gives me
perspective sometimes.
I was so settled, so happy, in my last diary.
Just happy in my own existence. Now I feel frazzled and unsettled
again.
That’s what men do to you.
I feel like I’ve allowed Evvy to flip me upside
down, and I’m losing myself again in our ‘not’
relationship.
I’ve taken everything for granted again…all
that pain I went through, all that abuse. I’m not where I was, so I
need to just chill, and enjoy life and people again. And maybe just
chill and enjoy Evvy??
I had so many more worries and debts back then,
too, far more than I have now. I’ve gotten through so much worse,
AND, it’s over. I’m free.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from
my shoulders.
I’ve also forgotten, WAY TOO EASILY, how awful
love is. Or is for me, anyway.
Love should be magical, beautiful,
unforgettable. It should
Similar Books
