Shadow Man by Cynthia D. Grant Page B

crazy like Gerald. There’s something wrong with Gerald. You can see it in his eyes. If he was in a war, he wouldn’t care which side, as long as he could kill somebody. The only person who can call him off is his mother and she won’t say nothing. She’s frozen hard. Damn you, Katherine! None of this would’ve happened if you’d loved me, but you didn’t, you starved me. When we were young, you could eat me up, ’cause I was so sweet, that’s what you said. Now it don’t mean nothing, all those years together, the troubles we been through, the babies we made. I might as well be dead. I wish I was. I’d stop this truck and get down on my knees and say, God, take me and give back my son! Please, God! Please!
    I’m going nuts. I’m screaming in this truck like someone can hear me. I have to have a drink. I am going to get drunk. No reason not to. No one to stop me. I could keep on driving, nobody would care, nobody would even try to find me.
    Except for Jennie’s father. He’d hunt me in hell. He looked like he wanted to kill me, downtown. Stopped his car right in the road and ran up to the truck.
    â€œWhat the hell are you doing here?” he shouted. “You’re supposed to be looking for Jennie!”
    â€œI am,” I said.
    â€œIn the liquor store?”
    â€œI was getting some cigarettes, do you mind?”
    â€œYou listen to me!” His eyes were wild. “I know I should feel sorry for you, but I don’t, God forgive me. I despise you. I want my daughter back!”
    â€œYou’ll get her back,” I said. “She’ll turn up when she’s ready.”
    â€œWe can’t take that chance! We’ve got to find her!”
    â€œWe could get more people to help us look.”
    â€œNo,” Harding said. “I don’t want them to know she’s pregnant.”
    â€œAre you kidding? They already know,” I said. “This is a small town. What’s more important: your daughter or your pride?”
    â€œYou talk about pride, you worthless bum? You killed your own son! You ruined his life!”
    He was screaming at me. I got out of the truck. Joey Hammer ran up and grabbed me. He said, “Calm down, Franny. Just calm down. Wes is upset. He don’t know what he’s saying.”
    Ask Joey; he was there. It was an accident. The baby climbed out of his crib. He’d never done that before. He learned real quick. Then Katherine was screaming—
    I’ve got to keep driving. I’m going to start over. This time I’m going to do things right. Some women think I’m still good-looking. Not my wife; she can’t stand the sight of me. Thinks I’m a no-good drunk. I’ll drink to that. Soon as I can find a place to pull over, I’m going to break open that bottle.
    The ocean’s so big it makes the sun seem small, like a little toy ball. I should keep on driving. But then I’d never get to see my grandchild, Gabriel’s son or daughter. Katherine had boys, so she might like a girl. I can picture the baby in my mind. She’s got yellow hair and twinkly eyes. Her daddy looks so proud! He’s laughing and tossing her into the air, and the baby’s laughing too. Her mama’s watching them, smiling.
    But that’s not Gabriel. Gabe is dead. That’s not him and Jennie with the baby. The couple in the picture in my mind come close, and I’m looking at Katherine and me.

37
    David McCloud
    When Frank comes home, I’ll have to tell him Gerald’s in jail. Then he’ll get mad like it’s all my fault. Like, I’m the oldest, so I should set an example. As if anybody cares what I think. They think I’m a joke because I don’t have any money, and if you don’t have money, nobody takes you seriously.
    I don’t think that’s right. You should get some points for doing your best. So maybe you aren’t some big-time